Pynchon

I changed a couple of lines in the last post, because it was kind of sloppily written. However, the gist of it remains the same. "Hairspray" is good fun.

I have had an ache in my side all day. I don't know what it is. Maybe somebody has stabbed me and I am so tough that I failed to notice. I will have to check.

(Checks.)

No. No knife wounds.

I meant to get here a little bit earlier. There will be no post tomorrow because I have a date with 007 (and Graham). An early night is called for.

I think that just about covers it, except I really should stop being snide about films I haven't seen. Pretty out of order.

Anybody seen "The Dark Knight" teaser trailer? You haven't?

Ah...

Labels: Movies, Writing

This afternoon I went to see "Hairspray".



If you think that "Grease" is the greatest movie of all time (Sister 1 does), or you think that what we really need are more films like "Dirty Dancing" (yes, Sister 1 again), or you think that "High School Musical" is the best movie to come along in the past couple of years (no, that was my Niece talking that time) then you are really going to love "Hairspray". Myself I thought it was corny, cliched, camp beyond belief and as subtle as a sledgehammer.

However, get this. "Hairspray" is totally saved by it's energy, exuberance and great songs. True, John Travolta is a tad underused and a prime example of stunt casting, but he really sparked off Christopher Walken during their scenes together. The whole black/white integration plot was a bit heavy handed, but there was no way that it could have been done more subtly in this kind of movie. Michelle Pfeiffer and Brittany Snow were good as the hissable villains. Amanda Byrnes was lovable as the best friend of the heroine. (And actually kind of sexy. Don't look at me like that. She's 21. I checked. I'm only 43; nearly 44. It could work between us.) Nikki Blonsky, and especially Elijah Kelley, were just bags of energy. They exploded off the screen.

Some won't get "Hairspray". There were some walkouts from the screening I attended. (Boo, hiss! Be off with you to watch robots killing each other!) More fool them. But, if you do get it, "Hairspray" is a great, fun film.

Other than that it has been a pretty quiet day.

Lorraine had her hair done and is now blonder than ever. She has arranged an appointment for two days before we go to London, so that she is beautiful for the Rolling Stones.

My Mom is going into hospital sometime in October for an operation on her knee. She was pissed off that I didn't ring her in the week to see how she got on, but I had a good reason. I forgot. She was still pissed off, though.

This evening we watched a film called "Funky Monkey". No. I don't have any excuse, but Matthew Modine was in it, and that is enough excuse for Lorraine to watch any film.

Labels: Movies

I like this kind of game. Courtesy of Mr. Planet.

Set your iPod (or in my case Creative Zen Sleek MP3 player - there are other personal music players on the market, kids!) to shuffle. Play six songs. Write about each one.

Here we go.

"Tracy Jacks" by Blur from "The Mod Squad".

"The Mod Squad" was a bootleg of a gig that Blur did at the Aston Villa Leisure Centre in Birmingham on the 5th October 1994. If I remember rightly it was being recorded for broadcast on Radio 1. It might even have been going out live. I cannot remember.

I was at that gig! Pulp were the support band. They played "Common People" for the first time that night. Definite hit, I remember thinking at the time. As for Blur... I remember that Alex James smoked throughout the entire gig. Graham Coxon wore the tightest T-shirt I had ever seen. Damon Albarn was a bundle of energy - he never stopped moving. Dave Rowntree... er... drummed a bit. Really good gig. I jumped around a lot. They should put the recording out officially. It's a good record of how they were live at their peak. Lots of Damon clones (blonde hair and checked shirts, at that point) and over excited girls in audience. I was out of my head on booze and... other things. Sister 1 picked me up afterwards and the car broke down. A story for another time.

"Young Hearts Run Free" by Kim Mazelle from the "Romeo + Juliet Soundtrack".

Not as good as the original Candi Staton version, but I suppose it is OK. I really liked the film it came from, though. Di Caprio's finest moment except for "The Basketball Diaries".

"Finest Worksong (Mutual Drum Horn Mix)" by R.E.M. from "Eponymous".

The mix that was rejected for inclusion on "Document", but saved for single release and inclusion on the first greatest hits collection. In my humble opinion it pisses all over the version on "Document". I never liked the version on "Document", but this is great.

"Sophisticated Boom, Boom" by the Shangri-Las from "Shangri-Las Greatest Hits".

Sixties girl group genius. Lead singer Mary Weiss had a particularly brilliant teenage sounding voice. Sometimes yearning, sometimes pleading, sometimes stroppy, sometimes heartbroken. They were a brilliant pop group and made some great records. I hear that Mary Weiss has just released a solo album on which she is backed by a teenage garage band. I might try and get a hold of that one.

"California Earthquake" by the Mamas & The Papas from "Mamas & The Papas Greatest Hits".

The story goes that Cass Elliott auditioned lots of times to get into the Mamas & The Papas and John Phillips always turned her down because she couldn't hit a particular note. Then she banged her head in an accident, auditioned again and... could hit the note. Just goes to show. (Shows what exactly? Er... Don't know.) Cass Elliott was always a brilliant singer.

"Candle In The Wind" by Elton John from "Elton John: Greatest Hits 1970-2002".

This is the proper version. (1974 and about Marilyn Monroe. Not 1977 about Princess Di. I do not like the 1997 version very much, but I can respect that she was his friend and it was a heartfelt tribute to her.) It's a good song from the period when everything Elton John did turned to gold. I still kind of like him. Is that terribly uncool? Bollocks. I glory in my uncoolness.

Except for the last one, I didn't really write about the songs did I? Ah... Never mind.

********

I have been tagged by the lovely Katy. Here are the rules.

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Ready? Here we go. I am sure that everybody has heard all of this stuff before, but I may drag up something new. You never know.

1. I wear spectacles for close work, like reading, but only one of the lenses (the left, I think) is actually a lens. The other is just clear glass. I often read the newspaper on the bus without putting my glasses on and do not have any problems.
2. In my head I have always referred to my penis as a 'winky'. I do not know why, how or where the name came from. It has always been there. When writing about my 'winky' I always have to force a name change when writing it down to something more appropriate like 'Cock', 'Mr. Cucumber', 'Pink Torpedo' or 'Man Root'. Subtlety is the key word here.
3. I had Chickenpox in my early teens which, apparently, is quite late to contract it. I fainted out cold walking into the living room one morning and spots started developing all over my body while my Mom watched. I'm told that it completely freaked my Mom out. I was very, very ill and was off school for weeks and weeks. At the time it seemed like I watched every television program broadcast on UK television in 1976.
4. The first single I ever bought was "Paperback Writer" by the Beatles, which is the greatest single of all time.
5. At work I have a coffee in the morning and at lunchtime. The rest of the time at work I only drink water. It was a conscious decision because I read somewhere that coffee is ageing and dehydrating.
6. In times of trouble I dream about my Dad. My Dad died at 43, but in my dreams he has become an old man. He still looks good, though. He would have been 72 on 3rd April 2007. He talks to me and tells me, "You're doing OK, Son". I'm not, but that's my Dad for you.
7. I have a rare fingerprint called a whorl. All the male Pynchon's have the same type of fingerprint on the same fingers. I would bet money that my Granddad on my Dad's side had the same type of fingerprint. None of the Pynchon women have the fingerprint.
8. I sometimes write reviews for The Internet Movie Database. I don't think I am very good, but I enjoy doing it.

So, then. I tag

1. Graham.
2. Mr. Planet.
3. Stef.
4. Suburban Hen.
5. Doug.
6. Swiss Toni.
7. Ginny.
8. Threelights.

but you don't have to do it if you don't want to.

********

No film today because, after shopping for food, I got stuck into watching "The Thirty-Nine Steps" (Hitchcock's 1935 version) which I thoroughly enjoyed. Yes, it is old and creaky, but the script is sparkling. I reckon that if they shot exactly the same script today, with modern production values, and cast George Clooney as Richard Hannay, they would have a huge hit.

Or am I just in love with Big George in a gay way? Might be...

********

That's all for today. Bugger off...

Labels: Mememe, Movies, Music

"The Painted Veil".



Bored rich girl Kitty (Naomi Watts) marries shy, overly series microbiologist Walter Fane (Edward Norton), mainly to get away from her parents who disapprove of her irreverent lifestyle. Stunned by his wife's brief affair with the caddish Charlie Townsend (Liev Schreiber), Walter threatens to ruin her reputation by divorcing her, unless she accompanies him into an area of China ravaged by a cholera epidemic. Against this background of hardship and disease they learn to love each other. Maybe for the first time.

Although it sometimes surfs too close to the perilous waters of self parody, I actually rather liked "The Painted Veil". I wasn't at all surprised that it had been filmed before in the 1930's. Except for some pretty graphic scenes of death by cholera, it is exactly the kind of old fashioned Sunday afternoon melodrama that my Mom used to love so much (and probably still does).

Naomi Watts suffers prettily. (Make no mistake, she is gorgeous, even unwashed and sweaty.) Edward Norton tries on an English accent and finds that it fits. (He is almost an alien from a distant civilization in his buttoned up cream suit. It works, as well, showing his isolation from his wife.) Toby Jones essays an old school English diplomat abroad. (Nearly gone native.) Liev Schrieber is a... er... cad. (Sadly without the strokable moustache). Old fashioned, solid film making. Not the kind of thing I would normally see, frankly, but a grown up proper movie, a world away from robots, wizards, green ogres and Bruce Willis in a vest.

Worth a look.

Labels: Movies

Writers block, but I will fight my way through it.

Lorraine left yesterday to go to London. The funeral was today. I decided, as a little test, not to call her last night because I wanted to see if she would call me. She didn't. She did call this evening, at about 7pm, to say that she was at the station and that she would be back sometime later this evening. She said that she missed me, but I doubt that very much. I am an afterthought.

I watched "Heroes" on BBC2 last night. I don't know if it was just me, but I found the first two episodes kind of simplistic. Not unenjoyable, though. You can already see some of the threads interconnecting and it looks like it could be an interesting series. I will be tuning in again next week. According to a couple of people at work, who saw "Heroes" on the Sci-Fi Channel, it gets better and better and is worth sticking with.

I was going to write about "The Painted Veil", that I saw last Sunday, but I'm not going to do that tonight because I cannot think of a single thing to write other than 'I liked it' and the film is worth a bit more than that.

I was tagged by my friend Katy to do a little mememe, but I'm not going to do that either. Not today, anyway. Again, I cannot think of a single thing to write.

I could write about the number of people at work who were told yesterday that their jobs are 'at risk' (not me or Lorraine), because of the merger, but I don't care about any of them and cannot be arsed.

I have finished reading "Mort" by Terry Pratchett. I enjoyed it a lot. Next up will be "The Blind Assassin" by Margaret Atwood; a book I seem to remember somebody bought me a couple of years ago, when it won the Booker Prize. I know nothing about it and have picked it at random from the shelf because I liked the cover.

I think I'm going to bed.

Goodnight.

Labels: Block, Movies, Reading, Television

The headache that afflicted me most of yesterday afternoon, and into the evening, continued today unabated. Eventually, with an hour to go at work, Lorraine sent me home. I think what eventually swung it was the fact that I was complaining about the intensity of the light in the office, I was sweating like a pig and could barely answer the phone.

The journey home took several decades. I went straight to bed. I slept for a couple of hours. I had more painkillers. Lorraine cooked some food. I ate it. We watched "Must Love Dogs" on Sky Movies.

I feel better.

I don't suppose being on the computer is going to do me any good, but I promised I would book Lorraine's train ticket. I try very hard not to break my promises.

I will not be here tomorrow. I am going to give my eyes a rest. Anyway, "Heroes" starts on BBC2 and it is a double bill. It is going to take up a chunk of the night.

Back Thursday. I will catch up with everything/everyone then.

Ciao.

Labels: Illness

For the unaware, there is a slight difference between private schools and comprehensives in Britain. The Department of Education has realised this and has revised the secondary Maths Exam papers accordingly.

Below are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.

MATHS TEST FOR COMPREHENSIVES

Name _____________________________

Nickname__________________________

Gang Name________________________

1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for 300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
2. Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day coke habit?
3. Crackster wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid to make a 20% profit. How many grams of Strychnine will he need?
4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got GBP350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife
   spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing the slapper that spent his money?
5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free?
6. Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of 35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets whacked?

MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS

Name___________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________ (If longer please continue on a separate sheet)

School _______________________________________________

Daddy's/Mummy's Company ____________________________

1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief Constable to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Harry driving now?
2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Fiona doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?
3. Tristram fancies the arse off a certain number of debutants, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 tablets of Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds?
4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost?
5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When will he stand for parliament?

********

Yes. I do have a headache. Nearly the best I can do, I'm afraid.

Lorraine is home. She is well. She will be here until Wednesday afternoon and then she will be travelling back to the smoke again for the funeral. All being well she will be back on Thursday night.

I will write a little about "The Painted Veil" tomorrow.

Labels: Humour, Lorraine

"Edmond".



After a disturbing experience with a fortune teller, Edmond Burke (William H. Macy), a downtrodden and defeated office drone, descends into the hellish underworld that is America's underbelly. There he finds his own particular kind of hell... and possible redemption.

I normally find that I can judge how good a movie is by the number of walkouts. "Edmond" had 4. (By the way, this is not a record. "Crash" had 11 walkouts, most of them during the scene when James Spader plays tonsil tennis with Elias Koteas. Interesting that. No end of kinky heterosexual sex up to that point, but the first hint of guy-on-guy action and the cinema clears faster than a swimming pool with a turd found floating on the surface of the water. God bless the homophobes.) I'm not all that surprised. "Edmond" is (and I hate the word) kind of challenging. For every time I applauded Edmond's determination to refuse to accept his current existence, I also cringed at his rampant racism, sexism, homophobia and stupidity. Oooh... and it is violent.

But... "Edmond" is a good and very interesting film from writer David Mamet (adapted from his one-act play) and, amazingly, director Stuart Gordon (who made two of my favourite schlock horror films of all time - "Re-Animator" and "From Beyond" - and nothing of consequence that I have seen, ever since). Strong lead performance by William H. Macy, full of anger and indignation, but also a very funny performance in his quest to make the most of his money. Weird and off centre supporting performances, some of them literally blink and miss, by a galaxy of familiar faces. Mamet favourite Joe Mantegna, Gordon favourite Jeffery Combs, Denise Richards, the Goddess Julia Stiles, Mena Suvari, Debi Mazar, Dulé Hill, et al.

Not a film for everybody, but I thought it was great.

I'm not too sure about Edmond's image choices by the end of the film, though.

********

This afternoon...

1. Haircut.
2. Film. "The Painted Veil".
3. The return of Lorraine.
4. Er... Cook food.
5. Watch TV. I'm quite enjoying "Dexter" at the moment.

Back tomorrow.

Labels: Movies

The nicest thing to happen to me today?

I was at the Midlands Art Centre to see a film ("Edmond") when circumstances arose that I held a door open for an elderly couple. I was coming through a door at the bottom of a flight of stairs, and they were halfway down the flight of stairs, coming towards me. I waited and held the door open for them. I waited a long time. They were both very frail and it took an eternity for them to descend the stairs. As they reached the door, the old lady smiled at me and said, "Thank you, young man".

As I was galloping up the stairs I heard the old lady say to her guy, "That was nice. You don't see manners like that these days".

It was just a little thing, but it made me feel great. Kind of pathetic, but true.

Labels: Nice.

I spoke to Lorraine last night. She is coming home on Sunday. Lorraine is upset and annoyed because the hospital so far have refused to release the body of her Aunt. I'm not sure exactly why and Lorraine was not in a mood to elaborate. The funeral may not take place at the end of next week. Lorraine's composure seems to have gone for a walk.

My friend Lisabeth was on the bus this evening. We talked about "Heroes", "Gangsters", "Dexter", where television programmes can be downloaded from on the net, the current bad weather, the snowstorm that hit the Midlands back on 9th February 2007 (when we spoke to each other for the first time), her and my plans for the weekend (not together, by the way) and other things that currently slip my mind. I looked into her eyes for a full 35 minutes and she didn't break eye contact even once.

I have had sexual dreams about her and also about Lorraine.

Yes. With everything that is going on at the moment, I am truly a shit.

What am I going to do?

Labels: Lorraine, Sex

It has been a quiet day. A mememe, methinks, courtesy of Graham.

1. [Beer] Yes, please. Let's get a couple in, shall we? Save us going to the bar later.
2. [Relationships] are great when they are going well, a nightmare when they are not.
3. [Purple] vein. I've got one. I suppose most men have.
4. [Power Rangers] is a television show that has confused me for many a year.
5. [Weed] Ah... "Bill And Ben". Now, that was what you call a classic television show.
6. [Steroids] Apparently J.F.K was on steroids for years.
7. [The President] is probably not as stupid as people like to make out.
8. [Tupperware] is sometimes useful.
9. [Florida] is sunny, I hear.
10. [Santa Claus] Vs. S.P.I.D.E.R is a story by the great writer Harlan Ellison.
11. [Halloween] 2007 is when "Saw IV" is due to be released. I kind of like the "Saw" films, repetitive though they may be.
12. [Bon Jovi] are shite.
13. [Grammar] is something that most of the people I work with have no concept of, says smug Pynchon.
14. [Myspace] is something that I know very little about.
15. [Worst fear] Suffocation, being trapped with nowhere to go.
16. [Marriage] could be great if it is going well, but a nightmare if it isn't.
17. [Paris Hilton] should never have gone to prison. Would you break a butterfly on a wheel?
18. [Pat] is a wonderful word for a girl to have on her T-Shirt.
19. [Redheads] are people with red hair.
20. [Blondes] are people with blonde hair.
21. [Pass the] dutchie on the left hand side. Classic single by Musical Youth. The soundtrack to the autumn of 1982.
22. [One night stand] is a pretty good (and serious) film starring Wesley Snipes and Natasha Kinsky.
23. [Donald Trump] has got kind of an interesting haircut.
24. [Neverland] is a place that was once owned by Michael Jackson. He might still own it. I don't know.
25. [Pixie stix] is a powdered candy packaged in a wrapper that resembles a drinking straw. (Thank you Wikipedia.)
26. [Vanilla ice cream] is kind of nice.
27. [Hooters] melons, floppy fun bags, jugs, tits, thanks for the mammaries, etc.
28. [High school] More like low school.
29. [Pajamas] Haven't worn them for years.
30. [Woods] There are things in the woods. I've seen "The Village".
31. [Wet Socks] will always dry in time, assuming that they are not left in the rain.
32. [Computer] love. I think that was a song. (Kraftwerk?)
33. [Love] is a fine song by John Lennon.

I'm off to watch some TV.

Labels: Mememe

I spoke to Lorraine on the phone yesterday and also today. She seems very calm, very composed. She even made a joke about me not being a bloater, and to make sure there is some food in the fridge for when she returns at the weekend. (On Saturday I bought a shitload of food for the week, most of which went straight into the freezer when I realised she wasn't home.) I suppose whatever grief there is going to be will happen when she gets back. I hate to see her cry, but I am ready for it.

Lorraine's Aunt's funeral will be on Thursday next week. Lorraine said that it is up to me if I go or not and that she won't hold it against me if I don't go.

Nothing much else to write about, except the two films that I saw at the weekend.

"4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer".



... Or to give it it's proper title, "Fantastic Four 2: The Contractual Obligation".

OK. That's very negative. As a superhero movie pitched towards very small children, I suppose that there is nothing wrong with "4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer", but really it should have been so much better. I know that a lot of people didn't like the first "Fantastic Four" movie very much, but I did (it was big, silly, technicolour fun), and sad to say it, "4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer" is nowhere near as good.

The great assets of the first film were Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis and Julian McMahon. The film came alive whenever those actors were onscreen. This time round they sleepwalked their way through their roles (I'm sure I saw one of them checking his watch), leaving Ioan Gruffudd and Jessica Alba (very nice to look at, but I hated your hair this time, Darling!) to drown in a plot of bad jokes and semi-romantic mush (both of which I sometimes have a disturbingly high tolerance for, but not this time). The Silver Surfer effects are magnificent, but the least you can expect in a Summer blockbuster are good special effects.

Should have been better. Much, much better.

"Molière".



Thirteen years before finding fame as a playwright, Molière (Romain Duris) is a debt ridden actor leading his own unsuccessful acting troupe. Thrown into gaol as a result of this debts, he is saved by a rich, middle aged benefactor Monsieur Romain (Fabrice Luchini) who, desperate to attract a young widow (Ludivine Sagnier), hires Molière to teach him how to act. While working with Monsieur Romain, Molière starts to develop feelings for Madame Romain (Laura Morante)...

I really liked "Molière", even if it did not turn out to be the full blown French farce that it could have been. It was a nice, gentle, warm comedy, with moments of great hilarity and great melancholy. Make sure you have a couple of handkerchief's ready before the end. You might need them.

Nicely written and nicely played. Good performances from everybody, especially Fabrice Luchini as Monsieur Romain who plays, frankly, a true horse's ass. Some very funny (and modern) observations on the art of being an actor, the pros and cons of the "method" and comedians who want to play it "straight" when really they should stick to making people laugh.

Yes, it does have subtitles. Sigh. Have a read.

Labels: Lorraine, Movies

Lorraine's Aunt died last night at 11pm. Lorraine and Lorraine's Cousin were with her. More importantly Lorraine's Aunt knew that they were there.

Before now I have smiled craftily and I have winked knowingly, saying that I am not a nice person. There is precious little to smile or wink about, because I really am not a nice person. My reaction yesterday was despicable. No argument. There was no way that I could expect Lorraine to choose spending time with me on a Sunday over a family member who was grievously ill. Especially a family member who was the defacto Mother to her for a couple of years. Oh, yes. I didn't mention that little titbit, did I?

In her early teens Lorraine ran away from home. All sorts of reasons why. Maybe I will go into them at a later date. Lorraine went to her Aunt's. Her Aunt took her in. Lorraine never went home as the atmosphere was so bad. Instead Lorraine stayed with her Aunt until she was (I think) 20 or 21, which was when Lorraine got married.

When her Aunt was in distress and needed support, this was the person that Lorraine ran to. This was the situation that I had a childish temper tantrum over, when I should have held my tongue and been supportive. Lorraine knows me to well. Maybe this is why she has kept her distance from me, for the past couple of years.

Lorraine was right and I was wrong. I feel thoroughly ashamed. Lorraine will be away this week as there is a sorting out to do.

I just want her to come home so that I can love her.

Labels: Death, Family, Lorraine

Remember me saying that "Things ain't so bad"? Don't believe a word of it.

Lorraine and I will not be going to the cinema tomorrow because Lorraine isn't here. Lorraine is somewhere on a train heading towards Golders Green. This morning Lorraine had a phone call from her Cousin to tell her that her Aunt is in hospital. Her Aunt's condition is very serious.

I'm sketchy on the details, but basically on a scheduled visit to Lorraine's Aunt, Lorraine's Cousin didn't get any response when she knocked the door. This was not right. Lorraine's Aunt is in her mid 80's and, except on rare occasions, is always at home. Lorraine's Cousin became worried, called the police, who kicked the door in. Lorraine's Aunt was found on the living room floor. Lorraine's Aunt could have been there several days. The neighbours never noticed a thing, because Lorraine's Aunt has nothing to do with them. They are Asian and Lorraine's Aunt does not like Asian's. (Yes. I know. I have said before that Lorraine's Aunt is a disagreeable old witch. It is never fun visiting her. I find it very difficult to bite my tongue for extended periods of time and that is what I am often forced to do when she is in full flow.)

Lorraine said that she would go down to London straight away. Lorraine's Cousin said that there would be little point at the moment. Lorraine and I talked. Lorraine said she felt guilty, because recently she had been putting off visiting her Aunt due to - Ta! Da! - pressures of work. She agreed that she would let her Cousin handle the situation and that she would make herself available later in the week, if needed. Lorraine said that I should go out to the cinema, as I had planned, as she was going to dial into work to keep her mind busy. (For God's sake...)

I assumed that sometime between then (midday approximately) and the time I came home from the cinema (5:30 pm) something had changed, because I returned to a handwritten note which read, "Gone to Golders Green". Lorraine did call me about an hour ago. She is still travelling. I asked her what had changed. Lorraine said nothing had changed. Lorraine had just changed her mind about going to see her Aunt. Oh. That's OK then.

I shouldn't be, because this is the kind of thing that God or fate likes to throw at us when we have got plans, but I am more than faintly annoyed. I know I am being selfish. I know I am being a shit, but I really wanted us to spend Sunday doing something together, even if it was only going to see another tedious Harry Potter film. Fucking families.

Is it so wrong to want me/us to come first, over family and work, just this once?

Labels: Family, Illness, Lorraine

Important words.

Things ain't so bad. Lorraine has decided that on Sunday that she would like to attend the cinema with me. Some film about a potter, or something...

Labels: Humour, Lorraine, Movies

I didn't intend to blog this evening. I wanted to spend time with Lorraine. I suggested that we watch either "Sixty Six" (my choice) or "Nanny McPhee" (her choice), but she didn't want to spend time with me for all sorts of reasons. I watched "Sixty Six", which I really enjoyed, while she skulked in the corner.

The atmosphere downstairs is poisonous, so here I am.

Here's a mememe, courtesy of Graham.

1. Made out for more than 3 minutes? No. I don't think I ever have.
2. Slept in a different bed? Yes.
3. Made out in a movie theatre? No. Movie theatre's are to watch movies in. Fuck off somewhere else if you want to eat each other's faces. Call me a killjoy. I couldn't give a crap.
4. Made out with 2 different people in one night? No.
5. Thought your cousin was hot? Oh, I don't think so.
6. Been in love? Yes. Truly and deeply.
7. Slept past noon? Quite a lot during the 80's and 90's. These days it is a struggle staying in bed past 8:30am at the weekends.
8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex? Yes. Very sexy.
9. Gone over the speed limit? I don't drive, but I once did the circuit around the Birmingham streets at about 5am in the morning, with a boy racer I once worked with. God knows what he hit, but it was over the ton.
10. Painted your room? No.
11. Drove a car? Yes. I did take driving lessons for quite some time and was an absolute, totally abject failure.
12. Danced in front of your mirror? Yes. Still do.
13. Gotten a hickey? No.
14. Been dumped? Yes, and possibly about to happen again pretty soon, methinks.
15. Stole money from a friend? Never.
16. Gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes.
17. Been in a fist fight? Not really.
18. Snuck out of your house? No.
19. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Hasn't everybody?
20. Been arrested? No.
21. Made out with a stranger? No.
22. Left your house with out telling your parents? Probably not. I was a good boy.
23. Had a crush on your neighbour? Oh, yes. Presently I have the foxy Keren on one side (a slim redhead, early 20's, with lips that could suck a golf ball through a hose) and Mr. Rasta's missus on the other side (curvy blonde, mid 30's, kind of dirty looking, if you know what I mean). Both nice people, actually.
24. Ditched school to do something more fun? Yes. Maybe I wasn't such a good boy.
25. Slept in a bed with a member of the same or opposite sex? Of course.
26. Seen someone die? Yes. My Dad. He was in my arms at the time. Heart attack. 13th August 1978. I am not scared of death. I am scared of pain.
27. Been on a plane? Yes.
28. Kissed a picture? Yes. Britney Spears at work, to gross out a girl that I work with.
29. Slept in the opposite sex's bed? Yes.
30. Love someone or miss someone right now? Yes, but she doesn't care.
31. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes.
32. Made a snow angel? No.
33. Played dress up? Yes, when I was about 12.
34. Cheated while playing a game? Of course.
35. Been lonely? Yes. All the time.
36. Fallen asleep at work/school? Nearly.
37. Been to a club? Yes.
38. Felt an earthquake? Yes. There was a tremor in the UK, sometime around 1990, and it felt like something really heavy being dropped in the room next door.
39. Touched a snake? No.
40. Ran a red light? Yes.
41. Been suspended from school? No. I was a good boy.
42. Had detention? No.
43. Been in a car? Yes.
44. Hated the way you look? Yes. Still do. I could do with a little bit more hair, height and a little bit less weight.
45. Witnessed a crime? Yes. I have a guy who comes every couple of weeks to cut the grass in the back garden. I didn't know it at the time, but I saw his lawnmower being nicked.
46. Been lost? Yes. In Rome, Italy. Very scary.
47. Been to the opposite side of the country? Yes. I went to both Devon and Glasgow in the late 70's, but on the days I visited they were both shut.
48. Felt like dying from embarrassment? Yes.
49. Cried yourself to sleep? No.
50. Sang karaoke? Yes. I was magnificent. People were so moved they had to wipe the tears from their eyes.
51. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? Yes.
52. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? Yes.
53. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Probably.
54. Kissed in the rain? Yes.
55. Sung in the shower? Everyday. This morning it was "The Impossible Dream". I'm still in a bit of a Scott Walker state of mind.
56. Had a dream that you married someone? No.
57. Played getting married? No.
58. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? Nah. I've seen that film. ("Dumb And Dumber".)
59. Ever gone to school partially nude? No, but what a brilliant thing that would have been.
60. Been on a blind date? No.
61. Sat on a roof top? I don't think so.
62. Didn't take a shower for a week? Technically, yes, because I've only had a shower for the past 10 years. Before that it was all baths.
63. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? No.
64. Played chicken? No.
65. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No.
66. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? No. I am not particularly attractive.
67. Broken a bone? Wrist, hand, both legs. Such fun.
68. Been easily amused? I am a man. Of course I am easily amused.
69. Laugh so hard you cry? Yes.
70. Cheated on a test? No.
71. Forgotten someone's name? Yes.
72. Blacked out from drinking? Yes.
73. Played a prank on someone? Yes.
74. Gone to a late night movie? Yes.
75. Made love to anything not human? Yes. My ego.
76. Failed a class? A couple.
77. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? No.
78. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? No.
79. Cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend? Physically, no. Mentally, yes.
80. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? (Just checked the blog.) Doesn't look like it.
81. Thrown strange objects? Probably.
82. Felt like someone else? As in a schizophrenic episode, perhaps? No.
83. Thought about running away? Yes, but my Mom would be terribly upset.
84. Ran away? No. See above.
85. Had detention and not attend it? No.
86. Made parents cry? My Dad didn't cry about anything. When he was upset he drank and danced and appeared to have a great time. My Mom? I don't know.
87. Cried over someone? Yes.
88. Owned more than 5 sharpies? What is a sharpie?
89. Dated someone more than once? Yes.
90. Have a dog? Yes, had two. The greatest dogs in the whole wide world, even though they took the piss constantly.
91. Own an instrument? I had a casio keyboard. I was not exactly Rick Wakeman.
92. Been in a band? No.
93. Drank 25 sodas in a day? No.
94. Broken a CD? No. Way too careful for that to happen.
95. Shot a gun? No.
96. Been on myspace for more than 5 hours? No.
97. Fell asleep at the computer? No.
98. Have a major crush on someone right now? No.
99. Have a religion? No. I believe in fuck all.
100. Thought about what people would say at your funeral? I won't be there, so why should I give a shit what anybody says about me when I am dead.

Labels: Mememe

Somewhere along the way I forgot to mention seeing "Grow Your Own" at the Midlands Art Centre, on Saturday.



While it's not exactly a film that is going to set the world on fire with it's originality, "Grow Your Own" is a perfectly OK drama/comedy. (Note, it is a drama/comedy rather than a comedy/drama. There is a difference.)

The trailer would have you believe that "Grow Your Own" is a film concerned with British eccentrics, stuck in their ways, perturbed by the influence of foreigners on the little piece of England they call the Allotment. Er... Actually that is exactly what it is about (cliches ahoy!), but it is the sometimes very tragic human stories behind the cliches that make "Grow Your Own" interesting enough.

The cast is made up of the same faces that are always turning up in British films. (Philip Jackson, Eddie Marsan, John Henshaw, Olivia Colman, Omid Djalili, et al.) All of them perfectly, and probably obviously, cast.

Not world breaking, but a perfectly amiable film for a quiet afternoon at the cinema. Yes, it is another, I'm assuming, lottery funded British movie of no interest to anybody outside of the British Isles, but give it a go. You might like it.

******

The Company is now The Corporation. The takeover, announced several months ago, has been ratified. There was a presentation outside the canteen today. I didn't attend. I had important things to do like plucking the hair out of my arse. Lorraine didn't push the point. Somebody had to stay behind to man the phones.

One of the reasons I didn't go was because I was annoyed by the 'welcome' email from the new Chief Executive. In it he compared the two pre-takeover Companies as being 'Championship Teams' and the post-takeover Corporation as being a 'Premiership Team, soon the win the Cup!'

Utter nonsense. Fucking bollocks.

I didn't fancy hearing any more of this Corporate shit. Apparently, from the reactions of people afterwards, I made the right decision. The cunts suits shifted greasily like used car salesmen or paedophiles and nothing of interest was said. Difficult answers to difficult questions (like "Will there be redundancies?") were glossed over. ("There are a lot of decisions to be made", blah, blah.) Did we really expect anything else? No.

A new Corporation logo was unveiled. Very nice. Later, I unveiled my own Corporation logo. Two stick men, signifying the workers and the management, underneath The Corporation logo. The worker stick man is bending over while the manager is fucking him up the arse. Tasteful, I thought. I stuck it on my PC. Lorraine removed it. For some reason she didn't like it.

I think I should really get my CV started, but at the moment I am channelling Keith Allen, a man who really does not appear to give a fuck about much all. A good book will always influence my thinking.

I'm just about to start "Mort" by Terry Pratchett. Pray for me.

Labels: Movies, The Corporation

"Scott Walker: 30 Century Man".



There is a great bit in "Scott Walker: 30 Century Man" in which self confessed Scott Walker obsessive/fan Marc Almond talks about his reaction to hearing "Tilt" for the first time. Marc explains that he was invited to an exclusive play of what was, at that time, the new album. He took his seat, with many other people, in reverential silence and then the event began. After listening to a couple of tracks, Marc turned to his friend and said

"This is terrible. This a really bad record. How embarrassing is this?"

(OK. For anybody who knows the film off by heart, and I'm sure that there will be a few, those are perhaps not the exact words that Marc Almond used, but I think I am pretty close.)

It was a great scene. A crucial scene, in fact, because prior to that we had been treated to a veritable galaxy of famous talking heads rhapsodising over Scott Walker's genius, his innovativeness, the depth and scope of his recordings and his progression away from anything resembling traditional pop music to something more akin to avant guard or even performance art. The pop singer Lulu kept it simple. She just wanted to know if Scott was still "gorgeous". Fair enough, I thought. (She toured with him in the Sixties when he was in the Walker Brothers.)

From the snippets of music in the film, and they were only snippets, I am not at all sure if I like Scott Walker's later music or not. I might... because it is like nothing you will ever hear, and I quite like the idea of that.

Therein lies the mystery of Scott Walker. His current work is impossible to pigeonhole and you cannot assume that you will like his current work based on his past work, because it is so completely different. I did like the Walker Brothers singles. I did like those early great, soaring, orchestrated solo records, some of which Julian Cope dismisses in the film as "M.O.R slop". Above all Scott Walker was, and still is, a brilliant vocalist.

But about the film...

This is a really good documentary. It's the full story from jobbing bass player on the Sunset Strip, teeny bop stardom with the Walker Brothers, solo success, solo and critical confusion, solo failure and extreme solo experimentation. There are lots and lots of clips, and some rare archive interview footage including Scott on mid 80's yoof show "The Tube", which is kind of hilarious in itself because of the dreadful video clip that was made to promote the single he had out at that time. (No idea what that was called.) Current interview footage shows Scott as shy, self effacing and (shock horror!) kind of normal. He also laughs a lot when recording, which was a bit of a surprise.

Good film.

Interestingly enough, the ear worm working away at my brain when I left the cinema was "Make It Easy On Yourself". Hell, there's nothing like a good pop tune. Maybe the most radical thing Scott could do now would be to record a pop album. Now that would be shocking...

Labels: Movies, Music

Other than seeing two movies ("Grow Your Own" and "Scott Walker: 30 Century Man"), which I will write about tomorrow when my brain is working, nothing of any consequence happened this weekend at all.

I hope everybody is well.

Labels: Boredom

I've been reading Keith Allen's autobiography "Grow Up". (A great read, by the way. Even if it has been half ghost written by one of his exes, it gets the essence of the man down to a T.) This paragraph struck me.

"Some people argue that the condition we call love is a chemically induced state whose existence causes those feelings we articulate in order to define it. Others believe the opposite to be true. The feelings cause the chemical reaction. Me? I don't mind either way, to be quite honest. There is, however, one thing of which I'm absolutely certain. You lose intimacy - sexual or emotional - and your relationship as conceived is doomed."

Yes. I think I would agree with that.

I can be wilfully obscure when I want to be. I just choose not to be, most of the time. True, I do change the names to protect the innocent and the guilty, but my bag has always been to tell it all, leave nothing out and bore with the details.

I posted a clip from You Tube last night. The video of one of my favourite Blur songs, "She's So High". Maybe I was being deliberately obscure. I don't know. It was pretty clear to me. I do see Lorraine every day and it doesn't help me. I do want to crawl all over her. I think of her every day and every night. I go to sleep angry and furious with her because she has turned me into this pathetic thing.

This is not what I signed up for.

Labels: Lorraine, Music, Reading

Labels: Thoughts

Not here. Don't care.

Labels: Stress

There is horror everywhere.

A little earlier I turned on my TV and accidentally watched a few minutes of the BBC coverage of the "Concert For Diana". After the vomiting had subsided, probably caused by a side glance at the eminently punchable faces of Fearne Cotton and Prince Harry, I turned over and watched "The Evil Of Frankenstein" starring Peter Cushing. Much better. Gothic horror. Not the best of the "Frankenstein" films, but not bad.

A bit earlier today I went to see "Hostel: Part II". It's difficult to write about it without spoilers, so turn away now.



"Hostel: Part II" is very much a mixed bag of a film.

The pros.

To his credit Eli Roth has definitely tried to expand upon the simple formula of the first film. i.e. Young and attractive people, travelling across Eastern Europe, are kidnapped and tortured by rich people, paying for the pleasure of doing so.

You see what happened to the survivor of the first film. You get to see much more of the organisation behind the operation and how victims are matched up with clients. You get to know two of the clients (go-getter, alpha male Todd and quieter, more insecure Stuart), up close and personal. You get to see Heather Matarazzo sans clothes and her extremely kinky demise. (Well, I thought it was kinky, and there was a nice nod there to legend of the Countess Erzsébet Báthory, as well.) The most annoying people in the cast get their just desserts (hurrah!), even if it is a well worn cliche. I liked Todd's freak out when he finally gets to hurt somebody, if only by accident, and the dark humour of the devil kids football match at the end.

The cons.

Sorry, but "Hostel: Part II" just ain't scary. It's also kind of boring for long stretches. The film never manages to get beyond the cliche of suspicious, seedy looking European men, even when two of the girls get off with them. There is no tension to speak off and certainly no jump-out-your-seat moments. "Hostel: Part II" probably isn't gory enough, either, to satisfy the gore hounds. Yes there are bloody and stained implements lurking in the dark, and dark and damp cells with chains, but I counted only one major murder on camera and one extremely gross mutilation, along with a couple of other bits not lingered on. Is that enough for a supposed cutting edge horror film? I don't know if it is.

"Hostel: Part II" was OK, but that was about it.

Yesterday I saw "Ocean's Thirteen".



Pure and simple "Ocean's Thirteen" is an old fashioned entertainment. Nothing more and nothing less. An obviously contrived (but all films are contrived, you fool!), hip, cool, finger clicking, jazz glide of a movie. Beautiful people, dressed in great suits (or in Ellen Barkin's case a great dress), bouncing off each other. Smart dialogue. The camera work is wonderful, switching between styles with ease. "Ocean's Thirteen" looks absolutely wonderful.

"Ocean's Thirteen" also seems to be a very democratic movie. You do not get the impression that it is dominated by Clooney, Pitt or Damon. Everybody in the gang has reasonable screen time and has a part to play in the heist. They all make the most of it. The actors look like they were having a ball.

Great film. The one Summer blockbuster this year that I have truly enjoyed.

Labels: Movies, Television