Thursday, July 05, 2007
I've been reading Keith Allen's autobiography "Grow Up". (A great read, by the way. Even if it has been half ghost written by one of his exes, it gets the essence of the man down to a T.) This paragraph struck me.
"Some people argue that the condition we call love is a chemically induced state whose existence causes those feelings we articulate in order to define it. Others believe the opposite to be true. The feelings cause the chemical reaction. Me? I don't mind either way, to be quite honest. There is, however, one thing of which I'm absolutely certain. You lose intimacy - sexual or emotional - and your relationship as conceived is doomed."
Yes. I think I would agree with that.
I can be wilfully obscure when I want to be. I just choose not to be, most of the time. True, I do change the names to protect the innocent and the guilty, but my bag has always been to tell it all, leave nothing out and bore with the details.
I posted a clip from You Tube last night. The video of one of my favourite Blur songs, "She's So High". Maybe I was being deliberately obscure. I don't know. It was pretty clear to me. I do see Lorraine every day and it doesn't help me. I do want to crawl all over her. I think of her every day and every night. I go to sleep angry and furious with her because she has turned me into this pathetic thing.
This is not what I signed up for.
"Some people argue that the condition we call love is a chemically induced state whose existence causes those feelings we articulate in order to define it. Others believe the opposite to be true. The feelings cause the chemical reaction. Me? I don't mind either way, to be quite honest. There is, however, one thing of which I'm absolutely certain. You lose intimacy - sexual or emotional - and your relationship as conceived is doomed."
Yes. I think I would agree with that.
I can be wilfully obscure when I want to be. I just choose not to be, most of the time. True, I do change the names to protect the innocent and the guilty, but my bag has always been to tell it all, leave nothing out and bore with the details.
I posted a clip from You Tube last night. The video of one of my favourite Blur songs, "She's So High". Maybe I was being deliberately obscure. I don't know. It was pretty clear to me. I do see Lorraine every day and it doesn't help me. I do want to crawl all over her. I think of her every day and every night. I go to sleep angry and furious with her because she has turned me into this pathetic thing.
This is not what I signed up for.
Labels: Lorraine, Music, Reading
# posted by Pynchon @ 10:19 pm 
Comments:
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I think you've hit on the hardest part - feeling resentment toward someone for making life with them miserable, at the same time you feel you'd be miserable without them. I have no answers, just the hope that something changes for you, because this can't be the best life has to offer you.
(If this were a movie, some sensitive hot girl would appear to sweep you off your feet, while her nice guy brother would woo Lorraine and you'd all live happily ever after. Elisha Cuthbert, perhaps?)
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(If this were a movie, some sensitive hot girl would appear to sweep you off your feet, while her nice guy brother would woo Lorraine and you'd all live happily ever after. Elisha Cuthbert, perhaps?)
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