Saturday, February 23, 2008
I forgot to do this yesterday.
Belated birthday greetings to Bruce Forsyth. 80 years young and still working. British television mainstay. Light entertainment legend.
Years and years ago my Mom went to see Brucie in cabaret. She was in the front row. A little plump woman in a black dress. She had had her hair done for the occasion. Of course Brucie spotted her and took the piss out of her all night.
("You just come from a funeral, love?" "Was the hairdresser's shut?" "Have you got any kids, love? You've got five?!? Do you need to lie down, love? Actually that's probably the last thing you need to do!")
According to my Aunt my Mom laughed and laughed and laughed.
At the end Brucie presented my Mom with a huge bouquet of flowers and kissed her on both cheeks.
Excellent. A legend.
(Interesting to note that when my Mom saw Barry Humphries/Dame Edna Everage, a couple of years later, very much the same thing happened. My Mom must have one of those faces.)
Belated birthday greetings to Bruce Forsyth. 80 years young and still working. British television mainstay. Light entertainment legend.
Years and years ago my Mom went to see Brucie in cabaret. She was in the front row. A little plump woman in a black dress. She had had her hair done for the occasion. Of course Brucie spotted her and took the piss out of her all night.
("You just come from a funeral, love?" "Was the hairdresser's shut?" "Have you got any kids, love? You've got five?!? Do you need to lie down, love? Actually that's probably the last thing you need to do!")
According to my Aunt my Mom laughed and laughed and laughed.
At the end Brucie presented my Mom with a huge bouquet of flowers and kissed her on both cheeks.
Excellent. A legend.
(Interesting to note that when my Mom saw Barry Humphries/Dame Edna Everage, a couple of years later, very much the same thing happened. My Mom must have one of those faces.)
Labels: Birthday, Family, Gigs
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Hello.
I am not even going to pretend that I can be arsed to write anything much just now. I am suffering from a migraine/hangover/headache. Not exactly sure which. Alcohol rich mince pies, just past their sell by date and cider do not mix. All my own fault. In big letters, I REALLY NEED TO STOP DRINKING AND EATING STUFF THAT MAKES ME FEEL ILL.
That aside it has been a nice enough weekend. I saw two movies ("Lust, Caution" or "Se, Jie" and "Dan In Real Life") that I enjoyed for completely different reasons and will write about shortly. I hung out with Lorraine. I went to see Sister 3, who told me that I am going to be an Uncle again, sometime around my birthday. I have read some more of "The Insider". (I really must write about that soon.) I saw my Brother, who wants me to go with him to see The Pigeon Detectives at the Carling Academy. (Are they good? I know nothing whatsoever about that band.)
Yes. I know that the blog is drifting. I will knuckle down tomorrow.
I am not even going to pretend that I can be arsed to write anything much just now. I am suffering from a migraine/hangover/headache. Not exactly sure which. Alcohol rich mince pies, just past their sell by date and cider do not mix. All my own fault. In big letters, I REALLY NEED TO STOP DRINKING AND EATING STUFF THAT MAKES ME FEEL ILL.
That aside it has been a nice enough weekend. I saw two movies ("Lust, Caution" or "Se, Jie" and "Dan In Real Life") that I enjoyed for completely different reasons and will write about shortly. I hung out with Lorraine. I went to see Sister 3, who told me that I am going to be an Uncle again, sometime around my birthday. I have read some more of "The Insider". (I really must write about that soon.) I saw my Brother, who wants me to go with him to see The Pigeon Detectives at the Carling Academy. (Are they good? I know nothing whatsoever about that band.)
Yes. I know that the blog is drifting. I will knuckle down tomorrow.
Labels: Family, Gigs, Illness, Movies, Thoughts
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Just a quick post before I head into town to meet my Brother. We are off to watch the Chelsea/Villa match. I have high hopes that we can turn them over, but I don't think we have won a game on Boxing Day for ages. Never mind. The game itself is just incidental to the day out.
Nice day yesterday. Too much food. Too much drink. Very loud house. Sister 1 very stressed. Sister 2 not stressed at all. Sister 3 looking incredibly overweight. My Brother drunk and morose. My Niece and Nephew dancing to a Rihanna CD. My Mom looking very content.
I opened a couple of late presents at Sister 3's. One of them was a biro with my name on it, that I think was bought as a laugh. I hope it was bought as a laugh. I believe that Lorraine has a similar biro that will be presented to her when she returns.
I went home and watched the "Doctor Who" Christmas special. It was alright, but it probably did not match up to the trailer, a bit like all of the Christmas specials so far. La Minogue was OK. Half of the fun is in trying to work out what Russell T. Davies has included in the script that is going to have meaning later on. Remember the passing mention of "Torchwood" in the first special and the passing mention of "Mr. Saxon" who gave the order to destroy the spaceship last year? The rumour is that La Minogue has shot a little bit of footage to be used in the climax of the next series, which means that she would be appearing alongside all of the ladies that have accompanied the Doctor so far. Some kind of a trap, or is it just smoke and mirrors? I try not to delve too deep into spoiler country. Why ruin the surprise?
I need to go. Probably back tomorrow.
Nice day yesterday. Too much food. Too much drink. Very loud house. Sister 1 very stressed. Sister 2 not stressed at all. Sister 3 looking incredibly overweight. My Brother drunk and morose. My Niece and Nephew dancing to a Rihanna CD. My Mom looking very content.
I opened a couple of late presents at Sister 3's. One of them was a biro with my name on it, that I think was bought as a laugh. I hope it was bought as a laugh. I believe that Lorraine has a similar biro that will be presented to her when she returns.
I went home and watched the "Doctor Who" Christmas special. It was alright, but it probably did not match up to the trailer, a bit like all of the Christmas specials so far. La Minogue was OK. Half of the fun is in trying to work out what Russell T. Davies has included in the script that is going to have meaning later on. Remember the passing mention of "Torchwood" in the first special and the passing mention of "Mr. Saxon" who gave the order to destroy the spaceship last year? The rumour is that La Minogue has shot a little bit of footage to be used in the climax of the next series, which means that she would be appearing alongside all of the ladies that have accompanied the Doctor so far. Some kind of a trap, or is it just smoke and mirrors? I try not to delve too deep into spoiler country. Why ruin the surprise?
I need to go. Probably back tomorrow.
Labels: Christmas, Family, Television
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Lorraine's Aunt died last night at 11pm. Lorraine and Lorraine's Cousin were with her. More importantly Lorraine's Aunt knew that they were there.
Before now I have smiled craftily and I have winked knowingly, saying that I am not a nice person. There is precious little to smile or wink about, because I really am not a nice person. My reaction yesterday was despicable. No argument. There was no way that I could expect Lorraine to choose spending time with me on a Sunday over a family member who was grievously ill. Especially a family member who was the defacto Mother to her for a couple of years. Oh, yes. I didn't mention that little titbit, did I?
In her early teens Lorraine ran away from home. All sorts of reasons why. Maybe I will go into them at a later date. Lorraine went to her Aunt's. Her Aunt took her in. Lorraine never went home as the atmosphere was so bad. Instead Lorraine stayed with her Aunt until she was (I think) 20 or 21, which was when Lorraine got married.
When her Aunt was in distress and needed support, this was the person that Lorraine ran to. This was the situation that I had a childish temper tantrum over, when I should have held my tongue and been supportive. Lorraine knows me to well. Maybe this is why she has kept her distance from me, for the past couple of years.
Lorraine was right and I was wrong. I feel thoroughly ashamed. Lorraine will be away this week as there is a sorting out to do.
I just want her to come home so that I can love her.
Before now I have smiled craftily and I have winked knowingly, saying that I am not a nice person. There is precious little to smile or wink about, because I really am not a nice person. My reaction yesterday was despicable. No argument. There was no way that I could expect Lorraine to choose spending time with me on a Sunday over a family member who was grievously ill. Especially a family member who was the defacto Mother to her for a couple of years. Oh, yes. I didn't mention that little titbit, did I?
In her early teens Lorraine ran away from home. All sorts of reasons why. Maybe I will go into them at a later date. Lorraine went to her Aunt's. Her Aunt took her in. Lorraine never went home as the atmosphere was so bad. Instead Lorraine stayed with her Aunt until she was (I think) 20 or 21, which was when Lorraine got married.
When her Aunt was in distress and needed support, this was the person that Lorraine ran to. This was the situation that I had a childish temper tantrum over, when I should have held my tongue and been supportive. Lorraine knows me to well. Maybe this is why she has kept her distance from me, for the past couple of years.
Lorraine was right and I was wrong. I feel thoroughly ashamed. Lorraine will be away this week as there is a sorting out to do.
I just want her to come home so that I can love her.
Labels: Death, Family, Lorraine
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Remember me saying that "Things ain't so bad"? Don't believe a word of it.
Lorraine and I will not be going to the cinema tomorrow because Lorraine isn't here. Lorraine is somewhere on a train heading towards Golders Green. This morning Lorraine had a phone call from her Cousin to tell her that her Aunt is in hospital. Her Aunt's condition is very serious.
I'm sketchy on the details, but basically on a scheduled visit to Lorraine's Aunt, Lorraine's Cousin didn't get any response when she knocked the door. This was not right. Lorraine's Aunt is in her mid 80's and, except on rare occasions, is always at home. Lorraine's Cousin became worried, called the police, who kicked the door in. Lorraine's Aunt was found on the living room floor. Lorraine's Aunt could have been there several days. The neighbours never noticed a thing, because Lorraine's Aunt has nothing to do with them. They are Asian and Lorraine's Aunt does not like Asian's. (Yes. I know. I have said before that Lorraine's Aunt is a disagreeable old witch. It is never fun visiting her. I find it very difficult to bite my tongue for extended periods of time and that is what I am often forced to do when she is in full flow.)
Lorraine said that she would go down to London straight away. Lorraine's Cousin said that there would be little point at the moment. Lorraine and I talked. Lorraine said she felt guilty, because recently she had been putting off visiting her Aunt due to - Ta! Da! - pressures of work. She agreed that she would let her Cousin handle the situation and that she would make herself available later in the week, if needed. Lorraine said that I should go out to the cinema, as I had planned, as she was going to dial into work to keep her mind busy. (For God's sake...)
I assumed that sometime between then (midday approximately) and the time I came home from the cinema (5:30 pm) something had changed, because I returned to a handwritten note which read, "Gone to Golders Green". Lorraine did call me about an hour ago. She is still travelling. I asked her what had changed. Lorraine said nothing had changed. Lorraine had just changed her mind about going to see her Aunt. Oh. That's OK then.
I shouldn't be, because this is the kind of thing that God or fate likes to throw at us when we have got plans, but I am more than faintly annoyed. I know I am being selfish. I know I am being a shit, but I really wanted us to spend Sunday doing something together, even if it was only going to see another tedious Harry Potter film. Fucking families.
Is it so wrong to want me/us to come first, over family and work, just this once?
Lorraine and I will not be going to the cinema tomorrow because Lorraine isn't here. Lorraine is somewhere on a train heading towards Golders Green. This morning Lorraine had a phone call from her Cousin to tell her that her Aunt is in hospital. Her Aunt's condition is very serious.
I'm sketchy on the details, but basically on a scheduled visit to Lorraine's Aunt, Lorraine's Cousin didn't get any response when she knocked the door. This was not right. Lorraine's Aunt is in her mid 80's and, except on rare occasions, is always at home. Lorraine's Cousin became worried, called the police, who kicked the door in. Lorraine's Aunt was found on the living room floor. Lorraine's Aunt could have been there several days. The neighbours never noticed a thing, because Lorraine's Aunt has nothing to do with them. They are Asian and Lorraine's Aunt does not like Asian's. (Yes. I know. I have said before that Lorraine's Aunt is a disagreeable old witch. It is never fun visiting her. I find it very difficult to bite my tongue for extended periods of time and that is what I am often forced to do when she is in full flow.)
Lorraine said that she would go down to London straight away. Lorraine's Cousin said that there would be little point at the moment. Lorraine and I talked. Lorraine said she felt guilty, because recently she had been putting off visiting her Aunt due to - Ta! Da! - pressures of work. She agreed that she would let her Cousin handle the situation and that she would make herself available later in the week, if needed. Lorraine said that I should go out to the cinema, as I had planned, as she was going to dial into work to keep her mind busy. (For God's sake...)
I assumed that sometime between then (midday approximately) and the time I came home from the cinema (5:30 pm) something had changed, because I returned to a handwritten note which read, "Gone to Golders Green". Lorraine did call me about an hour ago. She is still travelling. I asked her what had changed. Lorraine said nothing had changed. Lorraine had just changed her mind about going to see her Aunt. Oh. That's OK then.
I shouldn't be, because this is the kind of thing that God or fate likes to throw at us when we have got plans, but I am more than faintly annoyed. I know I am being selfish. I know I am being a shit, but I really wanted us to spend Sunday doing something together, even if it was only going to see another tedious Harry Potter film. Fucking families.
Is it so wrong to want me/us to come first, over family and work, just this once?
Labels: Family, Illness, Lorraine
Friday, June 29, 2007
"Doctor Who". Speculation and maybe spoilers. You can skip the next bit, if you want.
Wasn't last Saturday's episode brilliant? The Doctor incapacitated. The Master in control. Martha on the run. Captain Jack dead (but not for long). The U.S. President dead. The human race facing doomsday, or at least a severe culling. John Simm just about dominated the episode, and although it was a fine line he straddled between megalomania and pantomime, I think he just about kept on the right side of that line. Great stuff.
On balance most of the current series has been outstanding. Tomorrow is the season finale and then it's the long wait until the Christmas episode that is going to feature, of all people, Kylie Minogue. Apparently Russell T. Davies wrote the part with Britney Spears in mind, but she wasn't interested. Silly Britney (but I still love her...)
The interesting question here is will David Tennant still be The Doctor after tomorrow? Well, there's the rub. I heard this week that 3 different cliffhanger endings have been filmed and they are...
Public schoolboy Nigel Colby (Tom Sturridge) is found dead. His head has been blown off. Arrogant rich kid Alex (Eddie Redmayne) is found standing over the body with a shotgun, but he denies committing murder. As Alex is a minor, criminal psychologist Sally (Toni Collette) is asked to determine whether the boy should be charged with the murder of his schoolfriend. As Alex tells his story, flashbacks reveal the truth of what happened and the shifting relationship between the two boys. Or do they? Who is insane here? Nigel? Alex? Or maybe both?
I checked the cinema listings last Friday, and bored to tears with the thought of seeing a summer blockbuster, I opted for this, primarily on the basis that it featured Toni Collette, who is never less than interesting in every film she has appeared in.
I'd never heard of "Like Minds". It has not had a major cinema release in this country, which is a shame, because it's not a bad film, just a bit derivative. A low key mix of "Murder By Numbers" and "Primal Fear" set in an (English?) public school. It is a thriller, but it is also all about the shifting of control and domination and obsession.
Toni Collette and Richard Roxburgh are not top billed, despite what the picture above says, and that is correct, because their parts are really just extended cameos. The film belongs to Eddie Redmayne and Tom Sturridge as Alex and Nigel. Both good, otherworldly performances, especially by Eddie Redmayne.
I think that "Like Minds" is worth a look.
********
My Brother was barred from Reflex, a couple of Saturday's ago. I have pierced this story together from what my Brother told me and from what my Brother has told my Mom. The truth is somewhere in between.
My Brother has been having a long distance relationship with a girl. Most weekends he has been visiting her, but a couple of weekends ago she came up to Brum. My Brother was out with this girl. His best mate tagged along. My Brother went to the toilet. When he came back his best mate was groping the girl and the girl was trying to swallow his best mate's face. My Brother showed his displeasure at this turn of events with his fists.
Bouncers tried to intervene. My Brother showed his displeasure at the bouncers trying to intervene by kicking one of the bouncers in the balls. My Brother was ejected from the establishment and told to never return.
My Brother is a player. Has been for a while. Goes out with girls, gets his way and then disposes of them. He cares about nothing except his family and Aston Villa football club. I don't think he has any conscience. Frankly, I think he got what he deserved. It's been a long time coming.
Lorraine said it was lucky I wasn't with him that weekend. (It was the weekend I had a pain in my foot.) She said that the girl might have come on to me. No. I don't think so. I'm hardly attractive. I'm glad I wasn't there, though. Because I would have had to stand with my Brother. Right or wrong.
********
The family have been talking about me. My Mom has been thinking about the Pynchon-And-Lorraine-Do-Not-Fuck situation. She has a solution.
Last Saturday she told me that I must leave Lorraine. The sooner the better.
Not as easy as that Mom.
Why?
Because I love her.
Well, she doesn't love you, does she?
Maybe. I'll have to ask her.
And then she tutted.
That's my Mom.
********
Ginger Foghorn, I will write about on my next post. I'm in a Glam Rock kind of mood.
Wasn't last Saturday's episode brilliant? The Doctor incapacitated. The Master in control. Martha on the run. Captain Jack dead (but not for long). The U.S. President dead. The human race facing doomsday, or at least a severe culling. John Simm just about dominated the episode, and although it was a fine line he straddled between megalomania and pantomime, I think he just about kept on the right side of that line. Great stuff.
On balance most of the current series has been outstanding. Tomorrow is the season finale and then it's the long wait until the Christmas episode that is going to feature, of all people, Kylie Minogue. Apparently Russell T. Davies wrote the part with Britney Spears in mind, but she wasn't interested. Silly Britney (but I still love her...)
The interesting question here is will David Tennant still be The Doctor after tomorrow? Well, there's the rub. I heard this week that 3 different cliffhanger endings have been filmed and they are...
- Martha is kidnapped by aliens and the Doctor sets out to find her.
- In the act of saving the Earth, the Tardis is apparently destroyed.
- The Doctor is mortally wounded and regenerates into...
Ah... Well, I've heard names. How about this one?
Robert Carlyle.
I don't think he is a good fit, but what do I know? I remember being outraged when Sylvester McCoy got the job in 1987, and he turned out to be brilliant. (I told him as much when I got his autograph a couple of years ago. He smiled at me benevolently and said, "You weren't the only one who thought that." Lovely man.)
Lorraine is convinced that tomorrow will be David Tennant's last hurrah. If it is, I will be sad, because he has been great.
The king is dead. Long live the king.
********
On Sunday I saw "Like Minds" at the Midlands Art Centre.
Public schoolboy Nigel Colby (Tom Sturridge) is found dead. His head has been blown off. Arrogant rich kid Alex (Eddie Redmayne) is found standing over the body with a shotgun, but he denies committing murder. As Alex is a minor, criminal psychologist Sally (Toni Collette) is asked to determine whether the boy should be charged with the murder of his schoolfriend. As Alex tells his story, flashbacks reveal the truth of what happened and the shifting relationship between the two boys. Or do they? Who is insane here? Nigel? Alex? Or maybe both?
I checked the cinema listings last Friday, and bored to tears with the thought of seeing a summer blockbuster, I opted for this, primarily on the basis that it featured Toni Collette, who is never less than interesting in every film she has appeared in.
I'd never heard of "Like Minds". It has not had a major cinema release in this country, which is a shame, because it's not a bad film, just a bit derivative. A low key mix of "Murder By Numbers" and "Primal Fear" set in an (English?) public school. It is a thriller, but it is also all about the shifting of control and domination and obsession.
Toni Collette and Richard Roxburgh are not top billed, despite what the picture above says, and that is correct, because their parts are really just extended cameos. The film belongs to Eddie Redmayne and Tom Sturridge as Alex and Nigel. Both good, otherworldly performances, especially by Eddie Redmayne.
I think that "Like Minds" is worth a look.
********
My Brother was barred from Reflex, a couple of Saturday's ago. I have pierced this story together from what my Brother told me and from what my Brother has told my Mom. The truth is somewhere in between.
My Brother has been having a long distance relationship with a girl. Most weekends he has been visiting her, but a couple of weekends ago she came up to Brum. My Brother was out with this girl. His best mate tagged along. My Brother went to the toilet. When he came back his best mate was groping the girl and the girl was trying to swallow his best mate's face. My Brother showed his displeasure at this turn of events with his fists.
Bouncers tried to intervene. My Brother showed his displeasure at the bouncers trying to intervene by kicking one of the bouncers in the balls. My Brother was ejected from the establishment and told to never return.
My Brother is a player. Has been for a while. Goes out with girls, gets his way and then disposes of them. He cares about nothing except his family and Aston Villa football club. I don't think he has any conscience. Frankly, I think he got what he deserved. It's been a long time coming.
Lorraine said it was lucky I wasn't with him that weekend. (It was the weekend I had a pain in my foot.) She said that the girl might have come on to me. No. I don't think so. I'm hardly attractive. I'm glad I wasn't there, though. Because I would have had to stand with my Brother. Right or wrong.
********
The family have been talking about me. My Mom has been thinking about the Pynchon-And-Lorraine-Do-Not-Fuck situation. She has a solution.
Last Saturday she told me that I must leave Lorraine. The sooner the better.
Not as easy as that Mom.
Why?
Because I love her.
Well, she doesn't love you, does she?
Maybe. I'll have to ask her.
And then she tutted.
That's my Mom.
********
Ginger Foghorn, I will write about on my next post. I'm in a Glam Rock kind of mood.
Labels: Family, Movies, Sex, Television
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Thank God for the Internet!
I have paid a credit card bill.
I have corrected an estimated Electricity Meter Reading sent to us by Npower.
I have purchased presents for Sister 2's birthday ("Uncle Buck", "Cool Runnings" and "Planes, Trains & Automobiles" - she asked for them as she is a mad John Candy fan and is busy getting DVD copies of all of his movies) and my Brother's birthday (3 Jam albums "Setting Sons", "Sound Affects" and "The Gift" - my Brother confessed that he only owned a Best of the Jam compilation and "All Mod Cons", and figured it might be a good idea if he learn some other songs before we go to see From The Jam (Bruce Foxton and Rick Buckler) in December).
What else?
Earlier I had a headache and took a tablet.
I think that just about covers it.
Roll on the weekend. "Jindabyne" is showing at the Cineworld from tomorrow, and I am very much looking forward to seeing it on Saturday. Lorraine and I also have another date at the dreadful Dragon BBQ on Sunday, as my Aunt, Sister 1, Sister 2 and Brother are having a joint birthday meal. (Their Birthday's are all within 15 days of each other.)
I may be forced to have a drink.
I have paid a credit card bill.
I have corrected an estimated Electricity Meter Reading sent to us by Npower.
I have purchased presents for Sister 2's birthday ("Uncle Buck", "Cool Runnings" and "Planes, Trains & Automobiles" - she asked for them as she is a mad John Candy fan and is busy getting DVD copies of all of his movies) and my Brother's birthday (3 Jam albums "Setting Sons", "Sound Affects" and "The Gift" - my Brother confessed that he only owned a Best of the Jam compilation and "All Mod Cons", and figured it might be a good idea if he learn some other songs before we go to see From The Jam (Bruce Foxton and Rick Buckler) in December).
What else?
Earlier I had a headache and took a tablet.
I think that just about covers it.
Roll on the weekend. "Jindabyne" is showing at the Cineworld from tomorrow, and I am very much looking forward to seeing it on Saturday. Lorraine and I also have another date at the dreadful Dragon BBQ on Sunday, as my Aunt, Sister 1, Sister 2 and Brother are having a joint birthday meal. (Their Birthday's are all within 15 days of each other.)
I may be forced to have a drink.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Sister 3 annoys the hell out of me.
After my Nephew's birthday lunch at the Dragon BBQ Chinese Buffet (cheap, cheerful and shit, but there were 17 of us there including family, girlfriends, boyfriends and children, and my Sister did pay for a fair few of them), I have spent a frustrating afternoon at her house trying to find out why the speakers on her computer have stopped working.
I am Sherlock Holmes. I pieced it together. It took time. I'm a bit nervous when messing about with software. Sister 3 had accidentally uninstalled her Realtek High Definition Audio Driver.
Eh? How is it possible to accidentally uninstall an audio driver?
Ah, but it wasn't her! A friend who knows a "bit about computers" tried to install Real Player, fucked it up, and uninstalled everything with the word 'Real' in the title. The first time they realised anything was wrong was when they tried to play a clip on You Tube.
Utter clown. Particular pain in the arse today because Lorraine and I had vague plans to visit the cinema this afternoon, which is the only time Lorraine has free. Hairdresser's tomorrow. Monday... I don't know, probably work.
Anyway, it will be sorted tomorrow. At Sister 3's house today I found that I was getting tied up in knots, and a couple of attempts to find and download the correct version did not work. I've come home, had another look and a think and now I know what is to be done. I am going back tomorrow to sort it out.
I'm off. Could be a classic "Doctor Who" tonight. You mark my words.
After my Nephew's birthday lunch at the Dragon BBQ Chinese Buffet (cheap, cheerful and shit, but there were 17 of us there including family, girlfriends, boyfriends and children, and my Sister did pay for a fair few of them), I have spent a frustrating afternoon at her house trying to find out why the speakers on her computer have stopped working.
I am Sherlock Holmes. I pieced it together. It took time. I'm a bit nervous when messing about with software. Sister 3 had accidentally uninstalled her Realtek High Definition Audio Driver.
Eh? How is it possible to accidentally uninstall an audio driver?
Ah, but it wasn't her! A friend who knows a "bit about computers" tried to install Real Player, fucked it up, and uninstalled everything with the word 'Real' in the title. The first time they realised anything was wrong was when they tried to play a clip on You Tube.
Utter clown. Particular pain in the arse today because Lorraine and I had vague plans to visit the cinema this afternoon, which is the only time Lorraine has free. Hairdresser's tomorrow. Monday... I don't know, probably work.
Anyway, it will be sorted tomorrow. At Sister 3's house today I found that I was getting tied up in knots, and a couple of attempts to find and download the correct version did not work. I've come home, had another look and a think and now I know what is to be done. I am going back tomorrow to sort it out.
I'm off. Could be a classic "Doctor Who" tonight. You mark my words.
Labels: Computers, Family, Television
Friday, May 25, 2007
Today I have been working on the slowest NT server of all time.
And this evening I played Agony Aunt for a friend.
Oh, yes. It is my Nephew's 11th birthday tomorrow.
I think that just about covers it.
And this evening I played Agony Aunt for a friend.
Oh, yes. It is my Nephew's 11th birthday tomorrow.
I think that just about covers it.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
My Niece was 10 years old today. She was one of the first babies born in Birmingham during the couple of hours after New Labour won the election in 1997.
Sister 1 told me that one of her first visitors, in the early hours, was a reporter desperate to find a new Mom willing to call her new little girl "Cherie". Sister 1 was offered money. Sister 1 told the reporter to "Bugger Off". My Niece was named after her two Grandmothers'. If my Niece had been a Nephew, he would have been named after his two Grandfathers'. The Pynchon's are always named after previous family members. I am named after my two Grandfathers', my Brother is named after my Dad's Uncle and my Dad's younger Brother, and so on and so forth.
Great night. Happy times. My Brother and I stayed up all night drinking, watching the election results roll in. We saw David Mellor and Michael Portillo lose their seats. Sweet revenge. Fucking Tories. At 4am we got the phone call that we were now Uncles.
The pair of us had nuclear hangovers the next day.
Later, having sobered up, my Brother and I were just leaving the house to go to the hospital when a taxi drew up and Lorraine got out. It was unexpected. That morning she had been in Nottingham, while I was in Birmingham. At least that's what I thought.
Lorraine was wearing a yellow dress and she looked beautiful. She said that she wanted to be there when I met my Niece, and she was.
Later Lorraine and I went back to Nottingham and to her bed.
The sun was shining and the future was unwritten.
Sister 1 told me that one of her first visitors, in the early hours, was a reporter desperate to find a new Mom willing to call her new little girl "Cherie". Sister 1 was offered money. Sister 1 told the reporter to "Bugger Off". My Niece was named after her two Grandmothers'. If my Niece had been a Nephew, he would have been named after his two Grandfathers'. The Pynchon's are always named after previous family members. I am named after my two Grandfathers', my Brother is named after my Dad's Uncle and my Dad's younger Brother, and so on and so forth.
Great night. Happy times. My Brother and I stayed up all night drinking, watching the election results roll in. We saw David Mellor and Michael Portillo lose their seats. Sweet revenge. Fucking Tories. At 4am we got the phone call that we were now Uncles.
The pair of us had nuclear hangovers the next day.
Later, having sobered up, my Brother and I were just leaving the house to go to the hospital when a taxi drew up and Lorraine got out. It was unexpected. That morning she had been in Nottingham, while I was in Birmingham. At least that's what I thought.
Lorraine was wearing a yellow dress and she looked beautiful. She said that she wanted to be there when I met my Niece, and she was.
Later Lorraine and I went back to Nottingham and to her bed.
The sun was shining and the future was unwritten.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Where have all the words gone?
This is becoming a real struggle. It probably didn't help getting that drunk at my Mom's birthday meal that I collapsed on the settee, once I had got home, and didn't move for the rest of the evening.
(Yes, I am ashamed of myself. It's not going to happen again.)
I don't know how I got through today. Quick reviews. It's all I can manage
"Leben der Anderen, Das" at the Electric Cinema, last Friday.
East Germany. 1984. Hauptmann Gerd Wiesler (played by Ulrich Mühe) is a stasi agent ordered to monitor a successful playwright Georg Dreyman (played by Sebastian Koch). Wiesler is quiet, methodical, dedicated and professional. He believes in what he is doing. He is also lonely and a man who empty on the inside. As time goes by, the lives of Dreyman and Dreyman's girlfriend Christa-Maria Sieland (played by Martina Gedeck) start to impact on him and then, in at first very subtle ways, he starts to impact on them.
It was the second time I attempted to see "Leben der Anderen, Das". The first time the projector broke down with half an hour to go. (To be honest, a crucial half an hour, detailing the dramatic end of the main story, the rise of Gorbachev, the fall of Communism, the reunification of Germany and the reconciliation of Germany's past. Big subjects.) I'm glad I made the effort.
"Leben der Anderen, Das" is a great movie. Brilliantly written and acted. A worthy winner of the Foreign Film Oscar this year. Incredibly moving and tragic and thoughtful and startling. Lorraine was in tears by the end of it. The best movies are movies about people. Very important to understand how true that is.
I heard that there is an American remake in the works.
Oh, fuck off... For God's sake...
After the film we stayed to watch The Electric Cinema Film Orchestra.
The Electric Cinema Film Orchestra have been formed by the Electric's owner Tom Lawes, who is a session musician and soundtrack composer. They play pop and rock music associated with well known movies, with clips of said movies showing behind them. What would you call that? A multi-media presentation?
Anyway, to my battle scarred ears the gig was not nearly loud enough, and although Tom Lawes is a really great guitarist, he is not the greatest vocalist in world. Other than that, it was a very good gig. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The band managed pretty good approximations of a dizzying range of tunes. Here are some of them. You can work out the films for yourselves.
"I Wanna Be Your Dog", "Riders On The Storm", "Comfortably Numb", "Brown Sugar", "Sympathy For The Devil", "You Never Can Tell", "Shake A Tail Feather", "Green Onions", "Folsom Prison Blues".
Lots of others.
We stayed out late. I drank several alcoholic specials. Nice.
Mom's birthday went well. I drank too much, Lorraine was pissed off at me, but it was still a good time. I seem to remember that Mad Aunt Delilah turned up with some strange woman. A special friend, said my Mom raising an eyebrow.
Fuck, who gives a shit? I don't. If my Aunt has finally managed to admit after nearly 67 years that she likes girls, then good for her. Maybe it will make her less crazy. I'll tell you about her madness, some time.
This is becoming a real struggle. It probably didn't help getting that drunk at my Mom's birthday meal that I collapsed on the settee, once I had got home, and didn't move for the rest of the evening.
(Yes, I am ashamed of myself. It's not going to happen again.)
I don't know how I got through today. Quick reviews. It's all I can manage
"Leben der Anderen, Das" at the Electric Cinema, last Friday.
East Germany. 1984. Hauptmann Gerd Wiesler (played by Ulrich Mühe) is a stasi agent ordered to monitor a successful playwright Georg Dreyman (played by Sebastian Koch). Wiesler is quiet, methodical, dedicated and professional. He believes in what he is doing. He is also lonely and a man who empty on the inside. As time goes by, the lives of Dreyman and Dreyman's girlfriend Christa-Maria Sieland (played by Martina Gedeck) start to impact on him and then, in at first very subtle ways, he starts to impact on them.
It was the second time I attempted to see "Leben der Anderen, Das". The first time the projector broke down with half an hour to go. (To be honest, a crucial half an hour, detailing the dramatic end of the main story, the rise of Gorbachev, the fall of Communism, the reunification of Germany and the reconciliation of Germany's past. Big subjects.) I'm glad I made the effort.
"Leben der Anderen, Das" is a great movie. Brilliantly written and acted. A worthy winner of the Foreign Film Oscar this year. Incredibly moving and tragic and thoughtful and startling. Lorraine was in tears by the end of it. The best movies are movies about people. Very important to understand how true that is.
I heard that there is an American remake in the works.
Oh, fuck off... For God's sake...
After the film we stayed to watch The Electric Cinema Film Orchestra.
The Electric Cinema Film Orchestra have been formed by the Electric's owner Tom Lawes, who is a session musician and soundtrack composer. They play pop and rock music associated with well known movies, with clips of said movies showing behind them. What would you call that? A multi-media presentation?
Anyway, to my battle scarred ears the gig was not nearly loud enough, and although Tom Lawes is a really great guitarist, he is not the greatest vocalist in world. Other than that, it was a very good gig. I thoroughly enjoyed it. The band managed pretty good approximations of a dizzying range of tunes. Here are some of them. You can work out the films for yourselves.
"I Wanna Be Your Dog", "Riders On The Storm", "Comfortably Numb", "Brown Sugar", "Sympathy For The Devil", "You Never Can Tell", "Shake A Tail Feather", "Green Onions", "Folsom Prison Blues".
Lots of others.
We stayed out late. I drank several alcoholic specials. Nice.
Mom's birthday went well. I drank too much, Lorraine was pissed off at me, but it was still a good time. I seem to remember that Mad Aunt Delilah turned up with some strange woman. A special friend, said my Mom raising an eyebrow.
Fuck, who gives a shit? I don't. If my Aunt has finally managed to admit after nearly 67 years that she likes girls, then good for her. Maybe it will make her less crazy. I'll tell you about her madness, some time.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Loose lips sink ships.
Sister 1 has been talking to my Mom. The subject was me, Lorraine and our problems. (Such as the fact that I am sleeping in a separate room, and that we have not had full sex since 25th December 2005, and that when we take time off from work we take it separately, and that I have sometimes taken to drinking too much, and that I am now imagining a life without Lorraine and the mechanics of achieving such a life. You know all of this except for, maybe, my thoughts of a life without Lorraine in it.)
My Mom has been talking to my Brother, Sister 2, Sister 3 and my mad Aunt.
On Sunday, after the movie (more about that in a minute), I went to see my Mom. My Aunt, my Brother and Sister 2 were also there.
"How are you Son?" says my Mom.
"I'm OK", sez me.
"Not what I heard." says my Mom. "I've been talking to (Sister 1)".
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah." Big pause. "If you're not happy Son, you should get out of there."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah. Think about it."
My Aunt nodded sagely. Sister 2 said nothing. My Brother grinned. (He has always disliked Lorraine intensely.)
Yeah.
Later my Brother cornered me in the kitchen. He asked me if I wanted to go out with him this Saturday. (Lorraine is going away on Saturday, for a week. She is visiting her cousin, and then her Brother and his new twins, so other than work, the week will be my own to do with it what I will.) My Brother suggested that we sink a few brews, pick up women and see what happens. Lock up your daughters. The Pynchon boys are in town.
I said that I would think about it, but the answer is going to be No. It's nothing that I want to do. I'd rather stay in and watch the TV.
I should be furious at Sister 1, but I'm not. I'm kind of glad that it is out in the open, or at least out in the family.
My only concern is what my Mom is going to do next. My Mom is of Italian descent. She is... formidable. She is short and old and grey and sweet and deadly, like a Mafia Godmother. My Mom has one concern, and one concern only, and that is the well being of her family. I would go so far as to say that she does not give a flying fuck about anyone else except for her family. We come first. We have always come first.
I could see my Mom phoning Lorraine up and giving her a piece of her mind. Lorraine, also a formidable lady, would not appreciate that. In fact a hit might be ordered. Or a horse's head might be appropriated. (Enough of the Mafia analogies, already.)
My Mom is just worried about me. Perhaps I should call my Mom and have a quiet chat? Yes. I think that that might be wise.
Sunday afternoon. I made some comfort purchases. "Lucky Number Slevin", "United 93", "House Of Sand And Fog" and "9 Songs". Then I went to see "Hot Fuzz". (Finally Hurrah!)
I work with a guy who saw "Hot Fuzz" at a preview screening. He came into work the next day and announced that it was "The best comedy of all time!"
Er... No. It's not the best comedy of all time, but it isn't bad. Yes, it is too long, but it's mostly very funny and I thought (blasphemy!) that it is probably better than "Shaun Of The Dead" (which also wasn't bad, but not as brilliant as everybody thought it was). A riotous piss take, especially towards the end, of those high octane action films that we love and loathe. Lots of great cameos (see if you can spot a very well known Australian Oscar winner) and a great supporting cast of British character actors hamming it up. Great soundtrack of British pop music, as well.
Well worth the visit, I thought. No arseholes in the Cinema, either. Always a bonus.
Sister 1 has been talking to my Mom. The subject was me, Lorraine and our problems. (Such as the fact that I am sleeping in a separate room, and that we have not had full sex since 25th December 2005, and that when we take time off from work we take it separately, and that I have sometimes taken to drinking too much, and that I am now imagining a life without Lorraine and the mechanics of achieving such a life. You know all of this except for, maybe, my thoughts of a life without Lorraine in it.)
My Mom has been talking to my Brother, Sister 2, Sister 3 and my mad Aunt.
On Sunday, after the movie (more about that in a minute), I went to see my Mom. My Aunt, my Brother and Sister 2 were also there.
"How are you Son?" says my Mom.
"I'm OK", sez me.
"Not what I heard." says my Mom. "I've been talking to (Sister 1)
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah." Big pause. "If you're not happy Son, you should get out of there."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah. Think about it."
My Aunt nodded sagely. Sister 2 said nothing. My Brother grinned. (He has always disliked Lorraine intensely.)
Yeah.
Later my Brother cornered me in the kitchen. He asked me if I wanted to go out with him this Saturday. (Lorraine is going away on Saturday, for a week. She is visiting her cousin, and then her Brother and his new twins, so other than work, the week will be my own to do with it what I will.) My Brother suggested that we sink a few brews, pick up women and see what happens. Lock up your daughters. The Pynchon boys are in town.
I said that I would think about it, but the answer is going to be No. It's nothing that I want to do. I'd rather stay in and watch the TV.
I should be furious at Sister 1, but I'm not. I'm kind of glad that it is out in the open, or at least out in the family.
My only concern is what my Mom is going to do next. My Mom is of Italian descent. She is... formidable. She is short and old and grey and sweet and deadly, like a Mafia Godmother. My Mom has one concern, and one concern only, and that is the well being of her family. I would go so far as to say that she does not give a flying fuck about anyone else except for her family. We come first. We have always come first.
I could see my Mom phoning Lorraine up and giving her a piece of her mind. Lorraine, also a formidable lady, would not appreciate that. In fact a hit might be ordered. Or a horse's head might be appropriated. (Enough of the Mafia analogies, already.)
My Mom is just worried about me. Perhaps I should call my Mom and have a quiet chat? Yes. I think that that might be wise.
Sunday afternoon. I made some comfort purchases. "Lucky Number Slevin", "United 93", "House Of Sand And Fog" and "9 Songs". Then I went to see "Hot Fuzz". (Finally Hurrah!)
I work with a guy who saw "Hot Fuzz" at a preview screening. He came into work the next day and announced that it was "The best comedy of all time!"
Er... No. It's not the best comedy of all time, but it isn't bad. Yes, it is too long, but it's mostly very funny and I thought (blasphemy!) that it is probably better than "Shaun Of The Dead" (which also wasn't bad, but not as brilliant as everybody thought it was). A riotous piss take, especially towards the end, of those high octane action films that we love and loathe. Lots of great cameos (see if you can spot a very well known Australian Oscar winner) and a great supporting cast of British character actors hamming it up. Great soundtrack of British pop music, as well.
Well worth the visit, I thought. No arseholes in the Cinema, either. Always a bonus.
Labels: Family, Lorraine, Movies
Sunday, February 18, 2007
No film today, because I managed to spend the whole of the day at Sister 1's messing with her PC. I didn't really mind. I find that I learn an awful lot about how PC's and Windows works by messing with my siblings' PC's. (Mess with my own PC first? Fuck off!)
I learnt today that my Niece just loves to download toolbars for Internet Explorer 7. Loading up Internet Explorer on Sister 1's PC was like having a migraine nightmare on a street in downtown Tokyo. (Never been to Tokyo, but I would like to.) Lots of flashing graphics. Lots of adverts. Lots of colour!!! About a third of the screen was taken over with toolbar shit. I asked Sister 1 where all of that stuff came from. She said
"Ask the demon"
indicating my Niece, who was sitting at the table with a serene, innocent expression on her face. Don't ask me - I know nothing, what was she was thinking. I could read her thoughts.
My Niece is the Devil. A smart Devil, it must be said, and way cleverer than she lets on.
With a bit of prompting my Niece helped me download all of the latest Microsoft updates, update the Firewall and Virus checker, renew the subscription on the Firewall and Virus checker that was just about the expire, remove all of the games (except the ones I bought her for her birthday), remove most of the toolbars she had downloaded (Google being the only one we decided to keep), run a defrag, setup filters on Outlook Express, tidy up the desktop and remove all temporary Internet files.
I then let her play me the video of "Flying Without Wings" by Westlife. She found it on You Tube. It's her Mom's favourite record. My Niece thinks that she discovered You Tube.
My Niece is 9 years old. She will be 10 in May. One day my Niece will rule the world. Don't doubt it.
My Niece became bored with old people talk, so she went outside to play. Time for a chat with Sister 1.
Sister 1 leaned back, lit a cigarette, looked me in the face and said
"So, what's going on then, John?"
and I told her. I fessed up. I spilled nearly everything. (I didn't mention the blog.) Lorraine and Me. The lack of communication. The lack of sex. The tension. The frustration. The lows. My anger. A bit about the drinking and the blackout that worried me so much at Christmas.
It was cathartic. I've not had such a serious conversation with Sister 1 for a very long time. There was a time when we were completely honest with each other, because no matter how we fought and fell out, secrets were secrets and would never be revealed.
Sister 1 said that I needed to talk to Lorraine. I needed to talk seriously and quickly, before it all fell apart. She said how much she liked Lorraine, but couldn't understand why Lorraine didn't want to talk about our problems.
Indeed.
Re. Sister 1's personal life, until recently she had been nobbing a guy 15 years younger than herself (she will be 38 this year, so well done Sis!), but now it is over. Something about him texting her for Sex at 4:30 in the morning and her commenting that she was "Not a fucking hooker!"
Turn the page. Time to write of better things.
Yesterday I purchased tickets to see The Who at the NIA in May. I got quite good seats. I'll be going with my Brother and Boz Rude from work. Boz is a massive Who fan and is always good fun.
Finally, next Saturday Lorraine and I will be going to see Maureen Lipman in the play "Martha, Josie and the Chinese Elvis" at the Birmingham REP. I know practically nothing about the play, except that it is a comedy, but Lorraine is a huge Maureen Lipman fan and she wanted to go. I'll read up on the play before I get there.
And that, as they say, is that. I'm off. You can talk amongst yourselves while I'm away.
I learnt today that my Niece just loves to download toolbars for Internet Explorer 7. Loading up Internet Explorer on Sister 1's PC was like having a migraine nightmare on a street in downtown Tokyo. (Never been to Tokyo, but I would like to.) Lots of flashing graphics. Lots of adverts. Lots of colour!!! About a third of the screen was taken over with toolbar shit. I asked Sister 1 where all of that stuff came from. She said
"Ask the demon"
indicating my Niece, who was sitting at the table with a serene, innocent expression on her face. Don't ask me - I know nothing, what was she was thinking. I could read her thoughts.
My Niece is the Devil. A smart Devil, it must be said, and way cleverer than she lets on.
With a bit of prompting my Niece helped me download all of the latest Microsoft updates, update the Firewall and Virus checker, renew the subscription on the Firewall and Virus checker that was just about the expire, remove all of the games (except the ones I bought her for her birthday), remove most of the toolbars she had downloaded (Google being the only one we decided to keep), run a defrag, setup filters on Outlook Express, tidy up the desktop and remove all temporary Internet files.
I then let her play me the video of "Flying Without Wings" by Westlife. She found it on You Tube. It's her Mom's favourite record. My Niece thinks that she discovered You Tube.
My Niece is 9 years old. She will be 10 in May. One day my Niece will rule the world. Don't doubt it.
My Niece became bored with old people talk, so she went outside to play. Time for a chat with Sister 1.
Sister 1 leaned back, lit a cigarette, looked me in the face and said
"So, what's going on then, John?"
and I told her. I fessed up. I spilled nearly everything. (I didn't mention the blog.) Lorraine and Me. The lack of communication. The lack of sex. The tension. The frustration. The lows. My anger. A bit about the drinking and the blackout that worried me so much at Christmas.
It was cathartic. I've not had such a serious conversation with Sister 1 for a very long time. There was a time when we were completely honest with each other, because no matter how we fought and fell out, secrets were secrets and would never be revealed.
Sister 1 said that I needed to talk to Lorraine. I needed to talk seriously and quickly, before it all fell apart. She said how much she liked Lorraine, but couldn't understand why Lorraine didn't want to talk about our problems.
Indeed.
Re. Sister 1's personal life, until recently she had been nobbing a guy 15 years younger than herself (she will be 38 this year, so well done Sis!), but now it is over. Something about him texting her for Sex at 4:30 in the morning and her commenting that she was "Not a fucking hooker!"
Turn the page. Time to write of better things.
Yesterday I purchased tickets to see The Who at the NIA in May. I got quite good seats. I'll be going with my Brother and Boz Rude from work. Boz is a massive Who fan and is always good fun.
Finally, next Saturday Lorraine and I will be going to see Maureen Lipman in the play "Martha, Josie and the Chinese Elvis" at the Birmingham REP. I know practically nothing about the play, except that it is a comedy, but Lorraine is a huge Maureen Lipman fan and she wanted to go. I'll read up on the play before I get there.
And that, as they say, is that. I'm off. You can talk amongst yourselves while I'm away.
Labels: Computers, Family, Lorraine, Sex
