Pynchon

I have been trying to catch up on some blog reading. I am about half way through, but this has meant that I have ran out of time to write anything of my own. I need to go to bed.

There should be more time tomorrow.

I love you all.

In case anybody was wondering, the "right fucking game" I had last night was with installing new software onto my computer; specifically Office 2003 and Norton 2006. I have worked in IT since 1982. (Good Lord! Nearly a quarter of a century. How did that happen?) I know good practice. I laugh loudly at bad practice. Last night I lost my mind completely.

Turn off the modem.
Uninstall the preinstalled version of Norton on my computer.
Install Office 2003.
Install Norton 2006.
Turn on the modem.
Download updates to Norton 2006.
Open Outlook.
Fucked...

because somewhere along the way something screwed up my Internet connection with regard to registering Office 2003.

The lesson, my friends, is never, ever, install software without a backup and never, ever, install multiple pieces of software at the same time. Always backup, install, then test, then backup, then install, then test, etc. It's the way to do it. Do you see a backup anywhere on the list above? No, you fucking don't.

Phew.

Good job I'm a smart boy then (and a handsome one, with a big cock). I got it working. Mainly due to the power of prayer and a reboot.

Stupid bastard. Never again.

I saw "The Last Kiss" a week ago. It has been bugging me that I have not written it up. I'm like that.


"The Last Kiss" is OK, but that is about it. A drama/comedy (rather than a comedy/drama - the difference is crucial) about a group of late twentysomething guys facing up to commitment, fatherhood and growing up. Pretty typical, cliched stuff and all a bit empty. Entertaining enough, I suppose, but it should have been so much better when you consider that it was adapted (from an Italian film called "L'ultimo bacio", which I have never heard of) by Paul Haggis, co writer of the mighty "Crash".

I do like Zach Braff, though. I think he is brilliant in "Scrubs". It would have been really easy for him to go and do a really stupid, obvious broad comedy, but "Garden State", which he wrote, directed and starred in, is a little and subtle gem. The rumour is that Zach Braff is about to be announced as the star of "Fletch Won". I hope it happens. I think Zach Braff has an interesting career ahead of him.

Over the weekend I saw "Red Road" and "Saw III", but I will go into them tomorrow. I have some bills to pay.

A right fucking game I've had tonight!

No time now. "Torchwood" is on in 10 minutes. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.

I'm a coming Eve!

I was here on Thursday night! Sadly, Blogger wasn't. Something to do with scheduled maintenance. I worked out that by the time Blogger was scheduled to come back it would have gone 11:30pm, which was a bit too late for me, so I wrote it off as a bad night. Shame, really. I was up and ready to go. Instead I filled my time composing the second of three late emails to a nice lady who was good enough to send me some mix CD's for my approval, so the time wasn't wasted. I'll tell you about those CD's sometime, but not now.

Last night I was too tired to blog. Lorraine and I were late getting home because we did a detour to B&Q so that she could have a look at their Christmas stuff. (Yes, I know we are still in October. Tell Lorraine. I don't think she knows.) We were in B&Q for hours, but you'll be glad to know that the singing polar bear we purchased last year now has a companion - a saxophone playing snowman. Snowy, as he is known, plays "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town". Snowy has a friend, a penguin, that balances on his head and dances in time to the music.

Call me Captain Sadness.

We also purchased light bulbs, batteries, bird seed, fat balls and peanuts. Lorraine also purchased some kind of wood oil to treat the bookshelves she bought a couple of months ago. No doubt the wood oil will sit in the understairs cupboard, untouched, for the next couple of years.

We got home. We ate food. We watched an old "Doctor Who" on UK Gold and then the pilot episode of "Torchwood" (again) on BBC3, then "Las Vegas" on Sky One and then we went to bed. A productive night.

Which reminds me. I never did write what I thought of "Torchwood" or "The Last Kiss", did I? Easily remedied.

"Torchwood".



I think it has problems, but generally I liked "Torchwood" a great deal.

I thought the introduction episode was pretty good and was better than the second episode. The second episode was OK, but it was derivative. I am sure that the whole idea of an alien on the loose surviving and killing by sucking (oooh, errr!) the sexual energy out of unsuspecting men has been done many times before, I just can't put my finger on exactly where it has been done before. Was it on an episode of "The X-Files"? I don't know.

The next two paragraphs will contain Spoilers if you want to skip it.

My problem is that Russell T. Davies does not always make the best choices regarding his plotting. The whole subplot of a serial killer on the loose in Cardiff, turning out to be an obsessed member of the "Torchwood" team, could have gone on for the length of the series (clues could have been dropped throughout), and would have been a great revelation for the final episode. Also, I thought that "Torchwood" was supposed to be a huge organisation. It certainly was huge at Canary Wharf. I know that the whole Cybermen/Daleks thing happened, and there was massive destruction, but where did all the people go? There are now only a handful of operatives in the Cardiff Office.

Maybe it is in hand and they are hoping for exactly this "things don't add up" reaction from the audience? There certainly seem to be lots of potential threads to be explored. Maybe the resurrection glove will be used on Suzie Costello later in the series, and where exactly did they get that from anyway? What effect is being immortal having on Captain Jack? There are hints that it is not exactly a bed of roses. The hand in the glass case? I am assuming that it is the Doctor's hand? What is the arc story with the Wheevels (sic?) Is Gwen's boyfriend really as wet as he seems?

End of spoilers.

Eve Myles is quite nice, isn't she? Not your typical glamourpuss, but weirdly hot. In that regard, you could say she is like Billie Piper. I love John Barrowman. (Sorry, John. Not in that way. It will have to be a platonic love. Like a mate.) Lorraine and I are big fans. He was great in "Doctor Who" (and apparently will be returning for the last four episodes of the next series) and was great onstage in "A Few Good Men" with Rob Lowe, that we saw last year. He can sing as well. He was Elaine Paige's special guest at her show last year. Lorraine reckons that she could turn him.

Nah.

I'll write about "The Last Kiss" later. I have to prepare for "The X-Factor" .

Hang on! Nearly done it. Nearly. Bloody hell, it's heavy. Heave. Heave....

There you go. A new leaf turned over.

I've not been myself. Friday night was difficult. It's funny, because I thought that the weekend was just fine and dandy. I was all ready yesterday to blast through what I got up to at the weekend, but starting at the beginning was a bad idea because certain things started to play on my mind and... Well, you know the rest.

I am not going to get into that again.

I am pretty well behind in what everybody has been up to. I am sorry about that. It's not personal. Sometimes life gets in the way, you know? I will catch up over the next couple of days (some of you are real friends), but now I need to catch up on what I've been doing.

The weekend. Some of this will be detailed, some of it will not.

On Saturday I went out with Sister 3 to help her buy a computer. It's very rare I do anything with Sister 3. We kind of disaprove of each other. It has always been that way. I cannot put my finger on what it is. Perhaps it is the age difference, because I am 12 years older than her. Different generations and all that.

Anyway, Sister 3 asked for my help, albeit via my Mom. I was touched.

I asked Sister 3 to prepare the way by buying a table or a desk (the bigger the better) and clearing an area for the computer to go. I also suggested that she might like to book Telewest to come in an setup the Broadband connection, ready for the computer to be plugged into it. She said that she would. She didn't, of course. She bought the smallest computer desk I had ever seen. It was small and flimsy and shit. Also she had forgotten to book Telewest to get the Broadband connection sorted. They are due to go to her house in November. I am going to have to go over to her house then to sort that out. Oh, well... I jump ahead of myself.

Sister 3 and I had a good day. We had breakfast at Asterias (the finest baguettes in Birmingham City Centre, culinary fans), gossiped about family (Sister 2's mental state getting worse, my Brother seeing a lady called Sharon and - Jesus Christ! - thinking about moving in with her, other things), wandered the shops, eventually turning up at Comet where we purchased some kind of bargain ACER machine with 160GB of hard disk space, a nice cheap HP printer and various accessories for a tad over £650.00 quid, including insurance. Back to Sister 3's place, put the computer together, test it. Fab, and we didn't argue at all.

Saturday evening Lorraine and I watched "The X-Factor" . I know... But I like "The X-Factor" . I find it nothing but entertaining from start to end. Certainly more entertaining than "Robin Hood" over on BBC1. (Actually that is probably a bitdisingenuouss. "Robin Hood" is OK, but from what I have seen so far, I could not give a damn what happens to any of the characters. Typical teatime BBC viewing.) "The X-Factor". Does anybody have any idea how the MacDonald Brothers have managed to avoid eviction so far? They are just awful. Maybe Scotland aremobilisingg behind them. It's the Michelle McManus nightmare of "Pop Idol" all over again.

My prediction for the winner? Ben. The whole way. (Or Eton Road, or Ashley... Oh, I don't know.)

Most of Sunday I chilled at home wiv ma bitch. We ate food and we watched TV. "A Touch Of Mink" with Cary Grant and Doris Day was on one of the cable channels. Extremely dated, of course, but a great film. I was doing fantasy casting throughout and I came up with George Clooney and Julia Roberts for the remake. Lorraine thought that was fucking awful casting, but I was the Director, so I fired her citing "artistic differences".

During the evening I went to see The Lemonheads.



I have no idea what is popular and isn't popular. Back in 1995/96, when I saw The Lemonheads for the first time, I was astonished to discover that 75% of that audience were teenage girls, 24% teenage boys and 1% people like me (I was 32 in 1995). It was like a Take That concert. There were millions of people there. Lots of screaming, tears and fainting. Frankly it was fucking fantastic.

Things had changed on Sunday. Well, I thought they had.

When I turned up at the Wulfrun Hall at just after 6:30 pm (the doors opened at 7pm) there were a massive two people queued up outside. Nice couple. Couldn't have been more than 20 years old, the pair of them. The boy looked not unlike Shaggy from Scooby Doo. His lady had a lot of metal in her face, which set off her braces very nicely. I asked them how long they had been queued up.

"Since 4pm, mate!"

4pm? Good for him. I used to be enthusiastic like that.

It looked bad, though. Nobody at the gig at all. Don't doubt it. Crowds quickly started gathering. The next to arrive were a pair of twins. Very fat guys, dressed identically in combat gear, wearing small John Lennon stylee glasses and sporting goatees. I couldn't tell them apart. Next was a guy dressed all in black with a demonic air about him. He had a goattee which was very pointed. I was scared. Suddenly there were lots and lots of people, and none of them were normal.

I tell you what. How's about I tell you about the gig rather than writing for the sake of it? Good idea? Yeah.

The Lemonheads were fucking brilliant.

They kicked off with "Different Drum" (yes, the old Mike Nesmith song, covered by Linda Ronstadt amongst others), then into "Down About It" (they screwed up the intro and started it again), then something I've never heard of, "Bit Part" (which is when the pogoing started) and on and on it went. Fantastic. I sang along. I was fantastic. "My Drug Buddy", "Alison's Starting To Happen", "The Great Big No", "Ride With Me", "Confetti", "It's A Shame About Ray". Lot's of stuff from the new record, which sounded like the old stuff. Very good. Thank you the God of Pop. It was great.

Later the band left the stage and Evan Dando did some of the more folky and quiet material. "Favorite T" (I love that song), "Being Around", "Frank Mills", "Into Your Arms". The crowd swayed. I swayed. I wasn't drunk. I had one bottle of Stella Artois. I was a good boy on Sunday night.

A quick word about the support acts.

Up first was Nicholas Ainsworth from the band the Former Bullies. I'd never heard of him or them. He played solo. Just him and a guitar. Frankly his voice sounded not dissimilar to David Gray, but his songs were better. Dripping with anger with bitter and pointed lyrics. I thought he was very good. He impressed me I bought a CD from him outside (limited edition - I have number 44 of 92) and shook his hand.

Next up were a band who called 747's. I liked them as well. They were very musical. That probably sounds a really stupid thing to say, but they were very musical, especially when the bass player swapped to piano and the second guitarist swapped to bass. The two songs they played in that setup reminded me an awful lot of the Kinks. Keep an ear out for them.

I need to go. Corrections and links later. More tomorrow.

I am feeling much better. This is the way to be.

I found out on Friday that Vicky Sunshine is getting married. Danielle Frank (a girl who works with Lorraine and me) told Lorraine and Lorraine told me.

There are some people who will not be aware of the Vicky Sunshine saga. I will not go into it here. For a time I was fixated on that girl. I got ridiculously obsessed, but I stopped short of being a stalker. If that girl had shown even the slightest interest in me, then it would have gotten very messy with Lorraine and me, but she didn't and it didn't. Nothing was ever going to happen. I think that was the gist of our last conversation. I still think of her as one of the best friends I ever had at The Company.

Vicky is apparently marrying her boyfriend. It looks like the thing she had with Luther Twat fizzled out, probably after he had managed to fuck her (big surprise), and she went back to her boyfriend. I met the boyfriend a couple of times at various social events. He always seemed to me to be as thick as two short planks. A man who is a brute, who takes her for granted and does not know how to treat her properly. Or is that the jealously talking?

So, Vicky is getting married...

I might be invited to the wedding. I will decline the invitation. Do I want to feel awful and angry and confused and run "What if?" scenarios in my head? No. I did that on Friday night.

I will leave well alone. I will let things go. I hope that Vicky will be happy, really I do.

I have things to write, but not now.

Just a quick post to let everybody know that the blog has not been abandoned. There is no time to write anything of any length now, because Lorraine is due home in 15 minutes or so and I am cooking. (I had a day off work today, so obviously I have been sitting on my arse doing nothing, I don't think.) I have a feeling that if a meal of some description is not awaiting her, she may turn green and split her shirt.

(Actually, thinking about it, the splitting of the shirt might be good... Not sure about the turning green, though.)

Other than early on Saturday morning, the computer has not been on at all. I have been really busy. Hopefully there will be a lengthier post tomorrow. Subjects. I'll write up some prompts now so that I do not forget.

1. Vicky Sunshine.
2. Sister 3.
3. Sister 3's computer.
4. Family gossip.
5. "The X-Factor".
6. Chilling at home wiv ma bitch.
7. The Lemonheads (and support acts).
8. "Torchwood".
9. "The Last Kiss".

Back tomorrow. Rock 'n' Roll.

I can do better than "Well... Nah. Another time." I know that I can do much better. I've been looking at old posts and it used to be the case that I could always squeeze out a couple of lines, no matter how busy I was. These days I have to fight the urge constantly to write single line posts like "Nothing much happened today" or "I really can't be bothered to write anything today" or "Surely nobody is much interested in what I have to write today?"

Let's be honest. When I started this blog a year or so ago I was a better writer. (Feel free to disagree, if you choose.) I think that is the case. I will endeavor to try harder.

I have some hours to spare. I have left Lorraine watching "The Presidio" downstairs. She has had a thing about Mark Harmon for years.

Firstly I need to answer a comment.

Graham. You are quite right. There is no trace of yer Pynchon anywhere on the History Matters One Day In History Blog. Perhaps they didn't like what I wrote. Most of what I've read on there so far is mundane stuff in the extreme. You know the kind of thing. Got up, had breakfast, went to work, watched TV, went to bed. Fair enough and all good and well, if that was your day. An accurate snapshot of that day for you.

My entry was also accurate. Bluntly accurate. I did not pretend that I am a nice person, because some of the time I am not a nice person. Sometimes I am in thrall to my impulses and those impulses can be self destructive, unhelpful and unproductive. I tried to follow the site's terms and conditions. I did not use swear words, or abusive language. I hope that nothing I wrote was racist or sexist. Within their specified parameters I wrote out exactly what I did on 17th October 2006.

This is from memory. I did not keep a copy of my post. (Silly boy.)

17th October 2006 started early for me because I was still on the computer after midnight. I was surfing the net for porn. Particularly porn involving a young lady who calls herself Brandy Taylor (or is it Talore? I cannot remember.) Said material having been obtained I masturbated furiously, cleaned up and went to bed.

I was awoken at 6:10 by my Cat Moon who was vocalising loudly from the corridor. Moon had been taught to vocalise by an evil Siamese called Stalin. I swear to God that Stalin had a voice that sounded exactly like a child crying and Moon was able to do a pretty good approximation of that voice. Moon was vocalising loudly because he had had a poo in his litter tray and wanted me to get rid of it. I got up, feeling like death and disposed of the poo.

Breakfast was tea, bananas and some kind of oatey cereal. The name of the cereal escapes me. After watching the ever dreadful GMTV (Fiona Phillips? Nah!) I went upstairs, had a shave, shower and a lie down for 10 minutes. I left the house at 8:20. The bus was due at 8:30. The bus turned up at 8:50. On the bus I read the free Metro newspaper. I cannot remember any news that I read in the Metro that morning, but I do remember seeing some photos of Kelly Brook, who was advertising the release of her only lingerie range. Kelly looked good.

Arrived at work. I wasn't overly upset to be late.

Morning at work at a Support Centre. Boring, tedious, soul destroying, awful, etc.

Lunch was Chicken and Mushroom Pie and Chips. It was really good, which was a surprise. The phrase "really good" is rarely heard in relation to the food served up in our canteen. After lunch I went for a walk with my friend Bill which, as normal, turned into a Company bashing exercise.

Afternoon at work at a Support Centre. Boring, tedious, soul destroying, awful, etc.

Late afternoon I nicked the Independent newspaper from reception, and I read that on the bus on the way home. At home my good lady (Lorraine) and myself ordered Chinese takeout (Pork and Duck Fried Rice for me and Yung Chow Fried Rice, Curry Sauce and Chips for her.) It was very nice. We chilled out and later watched "Spooks" on the Telewest Teleport service. We both like "Spooks" very much.

Lorraine went to bed. I went onto the computer.

The End.

Was there anything controversial there? I don't think so. Do people not surf porn or masturbate? Do people not change Cat litter? Do people not think that GMTV is useless? Do people not hate their jobs or eat Chicken and Mushroom pie and Chips for lunch or nick newspapers from work or eat Chinese takeout or watch TV?

Well, I do. And that was my day, like it or lump it. A true day. A real day. Am I proud of that day? Not really. Perhaps I could have done something great that day, but I didn't.

I am probably more annoyed about the lack of the post appearing than I should be. I mean, who really gives a fuck? Perhaps Blogger should do their own extract of every post that appeared on 17th October 2006 and stick it on a single blog to get a get a true picture of that day and not a picture where everything a bit dodgy has been taken out? Somebody tell them, will you?

There have been some interesting posts that made the cut. I particularly remember a guy who trained as a university lecturer and had been made redundant. He spent the day writing application letters for jobs that he was too qualified to get, knowing that it was pointless. This guy was 52. A little bit of bleakness in a sea of mundanity.

Anyway. How are you? You OK?

Wednesday I spent composing emails to a friend. I still need to finish that. Thursday evening I watched "Extras" (this series has had it's moments, but has generally been inferior to the first series) and the Channel 4 movie "Death Of A President" (I grant you it is controversial stuff, but it was also quite boring).

Tomorrow I am helping Sister 3 buy a computer. Eeek!

Time to go. I will catch up with what everybody is doing over the weekend.

Well... Nah. Another time.

Today I posted over here. Check it out. Join in. Become part of history.

I've been watching the first episode of the second series of "Vincent", starring the mighty Ray Winstone. I'm impressed. It looks like ITV took my criticisms of the first series onboard, as the second series is much harder and grittier and plays to Mr. Winstone's strengths. i.e. Being a hard bastard.

Good stuff. I enjoyed it. I'm going to add it to my sidebar.

So, "The Night Listener".



Robin Williams is a gay late night talk radio host named Gabriel Noone. Gabriel's relationship with his younger lover Jess (played by Bobby Cannavale) is crumbling and Gabriel feels lost and alone. Gabriel strikes up a phone relationship with a 14 year old boy called Pete; a victim of childhood abuse, suffering from AIDS, who has written a book about his experiences. Various events conspire to put doubt into Gabriel's mind as to whether Pete exists at all, and Gabriel decides to track him down.

... And so on and so forth.

I liked "The Night Listener". I thought that it was genuinely a creepy, unsettling and off centre film. I've not read the book, but from what was implied in the trailer, it was not at all what I expected. It's heavy on atmosphere rather than plot, and is as much concerned with the breakdown of relationships and people in pain (mental and physical - the shadow of AIDS hangs heavy throughout this film) as it is about being a mystery or a thriller. Very good performances, especially by Robin Williams and Toni Collette.

I must confess to knowing very little about Armistead Maupin's work except for the "Tales Of The City" TV series, which I liked very much. I will definitely make the time to read some of Armistead Maupin's novels.

Fancy a joke? Of course you do.

A handsome man named Jack walked into a sports bar around 9:58pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00pm news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack said, "You know, I bet he will."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too. But I didn't think he'd do it again."

Today I stayed in the house. For a weekend this was unusual. I don't pretend to do a massive amount of different things with my weekends (I shop, I go to the cinema, sometimes I see my Mom), but I do like to get out of the house. If I spend the whole week at work wishing it was the weekend, then when it comes I want to do something with it, no matter how predictable.

Today I awoke early. I felt down and depressed and hopeless. The thought of going out did not excite me at all. I told Lorraine that I intended to stay in the house and watch TV. This shocked her. It is what she does most Sunday's. It shocked her so much that she decided to go out. Maybe she wanted to get away from me, or is that just paranoia?

So, while Lorraine was out I did the washing up, some ironing and watched the "X-Factor" repeat for nearly 3 hours.

Lorraine came home with chocolate. Her intentions were good, but eating chocolate will not turn me into a sex god. It will turn me into anything but a sex god.

I will regret today. It has been a waste and I know it, but I will be better tomorrow.

For anybody who cares, I did see a film yesterday ("The Night Listener") and I will write about that next time.

(Hmm... Better post than I thought it would be. Certainly better than just writing, "Ah... I just cannot be arsed.")

A questionnaire. Borrowed from Graham's blog.

1. My ex is: A figment of my imagination.
2. I am listening to: The computer humming.
3. Maybe I should: Get a grip on myself.
4. I love: Lorraine. Most of the time.
5. My best friend: Is a distant and happy memory, circa 1973.
6. I don't understand: DIY.
7. I lose: My dignity, all of the time.
8. People say: Why do you hang around?
9. The meaning of my screen name is: The most ordinary male name in the world and the last name of one of two writers who are the dictionary definitions of the phrase 'literary recluses'. (The other is Salinger. It was a toss up. John Pynchon or John Salinger.)
10. Love is: All you need.
11. Somewhere, someone is: Having a fuck.
12. I will always: Regret a great deal.
13. Forever seems: Real.
14. I never want to: Have no hope.
15. My cell phone is: A mystery to me.
16. When I wake in the morning: It's normally too early.
17. I get annoyed when: People fail to understand me.
18. Parties are: Not something that I know a lot about.
19. My dog is: No longer around, but when he was here, he was the coolest dog.
20. Kisses are the worst when: They are from somebody that you want to stay angry at.
21. Today I did: Nothing that will matter in 100 years time.
22. Tonight I will: Surf a bit, watch some TV ("Las Vegas") and probably watch a film on cable (maybe "Euro Trip").
23. Tomorrow I will be: Out and about.
24. I really want: So much money that I never have to work again.

I have started this half a dozen times and deleted it half a dozen times.

OK. Clear and simple words.

Sometimes I drink too much. People have started to notice and it has gotten around work. There was a little bit of light hearted mocking going on today.

Danielle Frank (nice girl, you would like her) asked me if I enjoyed The Ordinary Boys gig. I said that it was OK. (OK is such as descriptive word isn't it? Not good. Not bad. Just OK. I use it a lot.) She said that she was surprised I remembered much about it, as Boz Rude had told her that I was totally caned all night.

Er... Yes, I suppose that I was. It happens every time I go to a gig. It has got to stop.

This situation has built very gradually. There was a time when I drank no alcohol at all. This was prior to my mid 20's. In my mid 20's I discovered alcopops. During the years of staying in and wishing I had a social life, I would drink a couple of alcopops every Saturday night. These got me bladdered. I never drank alcohol in the week. In the main, I still don't.

I graduated from alcopops straight to spirits, then wine, then lager. (Wrong way around?) A turning point was the first Company Christmas party I attended. That party had a free bar. It was a challenge. I drank and drank and drank. Mr. Angry came out. I told a quite unpopular guy in the office that "Everybody think's you're a cunt!" (it was the truth), I danced like a wanker, I groped Lorraine, I chatted up the ladies who had the largest breasts. It was not my finest moment.

It is a pattern that has repeated itself a couple of times.

On Sunday night I had had 3 pints before Boz Rude and Freddie Podge arrived. I had a few more after they had arrived. Boz is a big drinker and I tried to match him. I am 5 foot 5 inches tall. Boz is considerably taller. Well over 6 foot. Well.. It was going to end it tears, wasn't it?

When I got home I had my hangover cure. Bananas, water and cornflakes. Monday morning I still felt dreadful and had the shakes. I dosed myself up with food and painkillers and eventually I was OK.

I don't think for one minute that I have a serious alcohol problem. In the main I do not drink in the week at all. The problem is that when I do drink, I drink to excess. I suppose it is binging. It is ridiculous and unnecessary and it stops today, because it is hurting in a way that it has never hurt before.

I wanted to write this yesterday, but the gig and the film review had to come first. I have my priorities right.

Nothing but a wanker.

I've left this a bit late. Let's see what I can knock out in an hour.

On Sunday evening I went with Boz Rude and Freddie Podge from work to see The Ordinary Boys at Wolverhampton Civic Hall.



A while ago Freddie Podge was good enough to burn me copies of The Ordinary Boys' two albums. As it happens they were perfectly OK albums. Derivative of the Jam, the Specials, Madness, etc., but tuneful enough and not bad. I thought that the first album was better than the second album.

Once the whole Preston-On-Celebrity-Big-Brother thing happened, and the tour announced, Freddie asked me if I wanted to go to see them, and I said, "Why not?" I purchased the tickets (Freddie Podge, Boz Rude, me and Alan Byron, who was the guy who helped me move years ago) and it was all set. Alan Byron dropped out on Friday. He had a wedding to go to. He said not to pay him the money back, as it was his fault for not letting me know earlier. My Brother was in sunny Doncaster visiting a lady, so he wasn't bothered about going. I did ask somebody else, but they were not interested. (I probably should have pointed out exactly who I was, when I made that phone call, eh Graham?)

No touts whatsoever outside Wolverhampton Civic Hall. I have never seen that before. The hall was not full either. The spare ticket stayed in my pocket. Perhaps I will frame it.

I thought that The Ordinary Boys live were OK. Not the best band I have ever seen, but not the worst. They played OK. The old songs were OK. The new songs were OK. The audience were OK. It was (shrugs) OK. I don't suppose that every gig you go to can be a life affirming experience, and this was one of those gigs. Freddie Podge liked the gig a lot. Boz Rude thought that The Ordinary Boys were rubbish. He said they had 'no energy'. Maybe. It was OK.

OK? (8 OK's. OK)

Next gig. The Lemonheads at Wolverhampton Wulfrun Hall. Two weeks from yesterday. I am really looking forward to that one. I absolutely adored "It's A Shame About Ray" and "Come On Feel The Lemonheads". I saw The Lemonheads at the Que Club, sometime around 1995/96. It was just before they played Reading. They were very good.

Yesterday I saw "Brothers Of The Head".



I was knocked out by "Brothers Of The Head". I thought that it was truly excellent and is definitely going to be in my top 10 of films I have seen this year.

Conjoined twins Tom and Barry Howe are plucked from isolation and obscurity by a showbiz impresario looking for the next "new thing". They are taught to play and sing. A rock band is formed around them. They start to write and become the greatest proto garage/punk band you have never heard of. Of course, as in all great rock movies, they fall apart in a haze of drink, drugs, women and mental/physical illness.

I love a good rock movie and this is a great rock movie. It's done like an art-house documentary and features music (mostly written by Clive Langer, producer of the Teardrop Explodes, Elvis Costello and Madness, amongst many others) that could have sat very happily on any New York Dolls or Iggy Pop album of the mid 70's. I very happily sat in the back row of the cinema unselfconciously playing Air Bass (I don't play Air Guitar - I have always been an Air Bassist) throughout the entire film. There are some damn good songs in this film. I might even buy the soundtrack album.

It's a weird, contentious, moving and sometimes funny film. I loved Ken Russell's film-within-a-film; the unfinished "Two Way Romeo" biopic of the Howe brothers, starring Jonathon Pryce, Jane Horrocks and John Simm. Ken Russell at his pretentious and bonkers best. He also appears as himself. I always thought that Ken Russell had a sense of humour. How could he not have a sense of humour? Have you not see any of his films.

It is also my pleasure to report that 66% of the audience had walked out of "Brothers Of The Head" by the half hour mark. Always, in my opinion, the sign of a good movie. True, there were only 3 of us actually in the cinema at the start of the film, but we'll gloss over that, shall we? The British viewing public are philistines and have no taste.

I'll say it clearly. Go and see it. It's going to stiff anyway, so enjoy it while you can.

And remember... Anarchy!

This is a bit ridiculous. I feel guilty for not having posted in two days. Oh, well. Couldn't be helped. The opportunity did not arise, etc.

No time now. The Ordinary Boys and "Brothers Of The Head" writeups (I cannot dignify them with the title of reviews) later.

Ciao, all.

An anniversary crept up on us almost unnoticed. I realised yesterday morning that five years ago yesterday (6th October 2001) Lorraine and myself moved into this house together.

We had torrential rain that day. It just bucketed down. I got soaked. Lorraine got soaked. My entire family (except my Mom, who didn't turn up to help us move in because she had doubts that it would last two weeks) got soaked. A workmate Alan Byron (a lovely, kind and decent man - still a friend - who was doing nothing that Saturday and offered us the use of his car) got soaked. In angry moments I have often said that it was God trying to tell us something, but I have never really meant it. Considering all the ups and downs (in some cases very big ups and very big downs), it was the best thing that has ever happened to me and a definite signpost on the road to becoming (fuck me!) a grown up.

An anniversary should be celebrated, no matter how small the celebration. Yes? Yes. I thought so as well.

When we got home from work I told Lorraine to wash her face as we were going out.

"Why?"

"Because 5 years ago today we moved in together."

"And you want to celebrate that?"

"Yes, I do and fuck you!"

We did go out. Lorraine didn't want to go far. She certainly didn't want to go into the City Centre to anywhere we would have to dress up for. We eventually settled on the Frankie and Bennys on Tyburn Road, which is only a stones throw from where we live. We have always had a nice time at that Frankie and Bennys. The food is normally OK and the service is good.

This time the food wasn't up to much (the starter platter was lukewarm, Lorraine's risotto dish was strange - a bit of risotto with some side salad and bread and butter, and my meatballs with spagehetti were not freshly made), but it hardly mattered. We had the nicest waitress in the world. The place was busting with people. (Happy people. It makes all the difference.) The music was loud. The wine flowed. Lots of laughs. Good times.

No hangover today. Hah!

Today I went to the early showing of "An Inconvenient Truth".



It is good. Very smart, very sharp. Full of ideas, facts and scenarios that will make your blood run cold. Absolutely must see documentary film making. It should be required viewing for everybody with even the slightest interest in the future of the planet. I would make every pre-teen schoolkid watch it. It's a word I hate when describing films, but I'll use it today. Brilliant.

...And not a bad advert for Al Gore either. If there was a better promotional film for the guy to demonstrate his qualifications to run for the Presidency in 2008, then I cannot think of one. He came across as sincere, clever, funny and self effacing. I came out of "An Inconvenient Truth" hoping that he does decide to run. I would vote for him.

I am not a political preacher. It's not me. Other people do that sort of writing better than me. I have not had a Damascas like change in my attitude after seeing "An Inconvenient Truth", because I have always done little things to conserve (only ever filling up the kettle with the water I need, always using scrap paper to write on, etc.), but I have decided to try to do more to promote the things that I believe in.

So, the first thing. Have a look at this website. It was advertised in the movie.

Have a good weekend, people.

I went shopping last night. Specifically I went to Debenhams, who have just started their sale. I had a load of Debenhams 20% off vouchers (only valid on Wednesday and Thursday this week)through the post last week and decided to take advantage of them as I also had 70 quid worth of Debenhams vouchers burning a hole in my pocket from my birthday.

I bought a heavy winter coat, T-shirt and two jumpers, all from the Ben Sherman franchise. (Does this make me a chav? Possibly. But, hey! Fuck you! I like Ben Sherman.)

Lorraine tagged along. She said that she was only coming to keep me company and that she had no intention of buying anything.

Oh, yes? Really?

I was like a pack horse by the time the evening had finished. She bought dresses, tops, perfume and shoes. I must have been carrying 10 big bags. I had an idea. I hung around the lingerie section until the security man started pointing at me, but Lorraine failed to take the hint.

So, no blogging last night. Shopping is tiring. Instead we vegetated in front of "Sleepy Hollow" (which is a film that has always annoyed me, but I'll go into the reasons for that at another time) on the TV and then went to bed.

What was that line again?

"I am just so over pink".

Oh, fuck me.... I've turned into Paris Hilton.

Anyway, I have decided to change my template.

Before I go, a questionnaire nicked from the latest Q magazine via the deadly Reed twins Graham and Mark. Mark is right, by the way. Q magazine is pretty shit these days. I have been subscribing for nigh on 20 years and it is about time I stopped. I cannot remember the last time I spent more than 5 minutes leafing through it. Waste of money.

How are you?
I'm OK, but I have been better.

Where are you right now?
In the back room.

What were you doing 20 years ago?
3rd October 1986. It was a Friday. In my bedroom listening to music and sorting out receipts, etc.

How have you changed over the last 20 years?
I am fatter and balder and less content, hopefully because I am more clued in as to what is going on politically and I don't like it.

When did you get a mobile phone?
Sometime in 2000. It was a brick. I still have a mobile phone. I turn it on maybe 3 times a year. I have no idea of my own number.

What was the first album you bought on CD?
"The Queen Is Dead" by the Smiths or "Aftermath" by the Rolling Stones. Definitely one of those.

And the first track you downloaded?
I have never paid for music on the Internet, but I did download a Beatles/Monkees mashup called "Paperback Believer" a year or two back. It is very clever mix. Search it out, you might like it. I prefer buying CD's and loading them onto my MP3 player. Not that I buy a lot of music.

If you could talk to yourself 20 years again what advice would you give?
Take a chance and go out.

What's the single biggest thing that's changed for you?
Leaving home and (gulp) moving in with somebody.

What's the best thing you bought?
My house, my computer.

Your favourite drug of the past 20 years?
Ibuprofen and alcohol, but not at the same time.

What's been the highlight of the last 20 years?
Meeting Lorraine.

And the low point?
Lorraine's operation. Things have not been the same between us since. Selfish of me really, because I am sure that having her womb removed was not a bed of roses for her either, but that is the way I feel.

What's been your worst haircut of the past 20 years?
Long hair and bald spot. Not cool. Keith Richards might be able to pull it off, but not me.

Your biggest fashion disaster?
Battered leather jacket and green woolly hat.

Who's your favourite artist of the last 20 years?
Probably R.E.M. circa 1985 through 1998. I am less interested in them now, and I am sad about that, but the music they did during that period still stands up.

What was the most money you spent?
The house.

Which song of the last 20 years do you wish you'd written?
Just one? No way I can pick just one. I'll give you five. "Country Feedback" by R.E.M., "The Scientist" by Coldplay, "She's The One" by Robbie Williams, "Breakdown" by Suede and "Baby, You're So Free" by the Cosmic Rough Riders.

Where will you be in 20 minutes?
Still here.

On Sunday I went to see "Children Of Men".



"Children Of Men" is a highly regarded film. Other than one review I read that called it "confused", all of the other reviews have been positive.

I thought that "Children Of Men" was OK, but that is about it. It starts well with a beautifully rendered future dystopian UK, all muted colours and shabbiness. Lots of nice attention to background detail (advertisements everywhere that move, headlines like "Nuclear fallout over Africa", strange looking cars, etc.) and a good vision of how the UK might look one day; like it is now but different.

The problem with "Children Of Men" is that it just did not grab me. I wish that it did, I wanted it to because it was an interesting story, but it didn't. It just seemed unfocused. Not quite enough drama, comedy when comedy was inappropriate, mawkishness as emotional content. I notice that the screenplay was credited to five writers. Five writers? Didn't William Goldman write something along the lines of, if there are any more than two writers on a screenplay you are looking at a compromised piece of work that cannot have a coherent vision? I think he may have been right.

As I said, "Children Of Men" is OK. It just wasn't for me.

Anybody watch Robbie Coltrane's return at Fitz in "Cracker" last night? Shame there was no Jane Penhaligon or Charlie Wise, but I liked it nethertheless. It was better than "White Ghost" (absolute rubbish and an appalling way to end the series in 1996), but not as good as "To Be A Somebody" (one of the best pieces of Television drama of the 1990's, in any genre). Nice to see that Jimmy McGovern still has a point to make. The Iraq war, Bush, Blair, Northern Ireland and the mental disintegration of a traumatized man.

Also, a pretty difficult sell to any American TV network that might want to buy it, I would have thought.

I am thinking of changing my template. I'm just so over pink. My current template also looks shit on my mega, big monitor, small cock screen.