Pynchon

Blip. Glitch. Writers' block. I don't know what you want to call it, but I couldn't write last night. Too much has gone down. Let's just get to it.

Vicky Sunshine is leaving the Company. She has got herself another job. I am pleased for her, really I am, but it does mean that I may not ever see her again. I am sorry about that. I am not the kind of guy who keeps in touch with people when they leave. I am sorry about that as well.

For those late arrivals, when I was somebody else and Vicky was somebody else, I had quite a thing for Vicky Sunshine. Totally unrequited, of course. Vicky was my fantasy and my friend. We sat next to each other for a couple of years and we flirted outrageously and discussed films and music and drugs. Every day I admired her tits (of course!), her sense of humour, her grace, her beauty and her warmth. She was the perfect girlfriend, except she was somebody else's girlfriend. I had a nice girlfriend in Lorraine, but Lorraine and I were having problems. It was a bad time. Lorraine had her hysterectomy and then her Mom died. We had no physical relations for over a year, and when we did, it was bad. Bad, bad time. Even now I don't want to think about it.

In lots of ways things got better between myself and Lorraine. Vicky moved to another department. I saw Vicky now and again and always I got a thump in my chest.

How can I put this? I love Lorraine an awful lot, but even now I don't know what my reaction would be if Vicky were to call me up to offer a strings free fuck. I hope that I would say No, but I don't know that I would. I am vile and I am disgusting, but that is why I am going to miss Vicky Sunshine. Is that lust? Or is that unrequited love? Aren't they just different sides of the same coin?

I am hoping, out of sight, out of mind. Yes, I hope that.

There have been redundancies at work. It was expected. Lorraine and I survived, but 60% of the programming staff on the product that Lorraine looks after have gone. Except for one guy I have known for 14 years (we worked together at my last Company), the lot of them were a bunch of fuckwits and wouldn't know good programming if it turned up, bit them on the arse and said, "Hi there! I'm good programming". Interestingly enough, the Indian development section (in India) has survived, not because they are better (they are a different shade of fuckwit), but because they are cheap.

Jobs for British fuckwits! That's what I say. (Is it racist to wants jobs to stay in Britain? If it is, then I am a racist.)

We know where this is going. Sooner or later, once the Indian operation is up and running, the Company will bid adieu to the rest of the programming staff and then they will lay their beady, alien eyes on the support section. I imagine that once India has been trained up to support the product, it will all be over. I will be OK until the old product is gone, because I am the only person supporting that, but Lorraine will be fucked and so will a few other people.

I hate the coldness of business. I hate the arrogance and the playing with people's lives. Is there an alternative? I know... I'll go and live in a field like a hippie! No. Oh, fuck it then.

On Sunday I went to see "Capote".



To be honest, I never knew that much about Truman Capote. I knew of "Breakfast At Tiffany's" and "In Cold Blood", and that after the publication of the latter book he retreated into an existence as a vacuous celebrity and never published again.

The film is terrific and Phillip Seymour Hoffman is astounding (he should win the Oscar, but it's difficult to call with Heath Ledger on the same ballot and, possibly, Joaquin Phoenix coming through the middle) which is all the more interesting because I absolutely loathed the character of Truman Capote. Selfish, manipulative, mannered, precious and a liar. I felt more sympathy for the murderers. I read a short review of "Capote" today in which they said that the film is all about how Truman Capote was destroyed by the writing of "In Cold Blood". I didn't quite see it that way. In my opinion his persona was made by the writing of "In Cold Blood". Anyway, it's a great film. Totally engrossing, chilling and eerie.

There is writing to be done, but not tonight. Things change, you know?

I do need to say that George Michael needs a smack. What does he want to be remembered as? A troubled willy flinger and druggie or a brilliant performer and singer/songwriter?

"Capote", redundancies and farewell to friends on the menu for tomorrow (I hope).

Top Sister tried to kill me with some dodgy ham sandwiches. I should have been suspicious when I saw the pack which read something like "Product of Chernobyl". Stuff was coming out of both ends last night. Luckily it was brief, but it was nasty. The same thing happened to Lorraine, but she is an Amazonian warrior and has a much stronger constitution than me.

So, no post last night. Instead we had an exciting evening in front of the TV watching "Dancing On Ice" (David Seaman and the foxy Pam are out!) and then some of the BBC's latest catastrophe, "Just The Two Of Us", which is a celebrity duet show. Awful. Lorraine went to bed and I watched most of Channel 4's "The Greatest Number 1's Ever" repeat. The top 3 (I forget the order) were something like "Bohemian Rhapsody", "Imagine" and "Hey Jude". I like 2 of those 3 songs very much ("Bohemian Rhapsody" and "Hey Jude", but I think that "Imagine" is a dirge and I have never liked it), but how boring is that list? How predictable is that? A couple of years ago when Channel 4 did the vote from 105 choices, just for the hell of it I did not select anything older than 1990. I think my number 1 was something like "Firestarter".

A brief summary then of Friday and Saturday. Lorraine is waiting to use the computer.

Friday lunchtime we went to see "Zathura: A Space Adventure".



I would imagine that a 10 year old boy would think that it is the greatest film of all time. Being slightly older than 10 years old, I thought that it was mighty fine. Yes, it is a bit flat in places, but in the main it is entertaining and there is good stuff in there about sibling jealously and the potential consequences of bad decisions being made. Lorraine liked it a lot. She said that it was better than "Jumanji", which of course shares the same writer Chris Van Allsburg and the same concept of a magical game leading children into a wild adventure.

Friday evening I went to see Goldfrapp at the Birmingham Carling Academy.



Alison was a vision of red hair, black leotard and unbuttoned pink fluffy top. She sang like an angel. Her voice was operatic diva and Donna Summer. (Why didn't Charlotte Church try something like that, instead of the hoary old rock chick shit that she has been doing?) I was just blown away. (Sorry, I find it difficult to write coherently when I am overwhelmed by something. I can only resort to cliches.) Goldfrapp were brilliant, fantastic and very, very cool. "Number One", "Oooh La La", "Ride A White Horse", "Black Cherry". Already classics. They finished with an epic "Strict Machine". You could feel the ground moving as everybody in that venue moved simultaneously to that song. Kudo's as well to the severely gay looking bass player (white beret, black vest and, I think, combat trousers) who never smiled once and the brunette foxy rock chick on keyboards and backing vocals. Both extremely cool.

You know what I did on Saturday. I played with Top Sisters' computer. Showed her a few things. Answered some questions. It was fun. Except for the vomiting and shitting later.

Gotta go. I will probably see "Capote" this afternoon, but there is shopping to do first.

I would have posted last night, but I sort of crashed. Too much bad food. Too much of a bad day. One minute I was lying on the settee with my favourite girl watching the pilot of "Space: Above And Beyond" and the next it was midnight, the room was in darkness, the lady had gone and the heating was off.

Bollocks.

I had so many important things to write about, such as this site, which sadly is getting a fair bit of publicity (and I've given it some more just by linking to it, Ha! Ha!). These people (or is it as rumoured just one person?) really do not like the thought of Daniel Craig as the new James Bond. This is despite the fact that other than a couple of photos taken long distance of Daniel Craig shooting an action sequence, not a single frame of footage of Craig as Bond has yet been shown. OK, I don't suppose Daniel Craig would have been the obvious first choice as Bond (I would have cast somebody like Gerard Butler), but he is an extremely fine actor and ably demonstrates the producer's intention to do something different with the Bond franchise. No. I'll reserve my opinion of "Casino Royale" until I have seen the movie.

Time for a couple of blatant steals.

Nicked from Graham. I love a good questionnaire.

1. What is your occupation? Support Analyst and irritation.
2. What colour is your underwear? Grey. (No, they are grey! Not grey because they are unwashed, but grey because that is the colour.)
3. What are you listening to right now? Absolutely nothing.
4. What was the last thing you ate? Banoffee cereal bar from M&S.
5. Do you wish on stars? Nah. I once wished that Kate Winslet would visit me, but she didn't.
6. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Purple.
7. How is the weather right now? Cold. Drizzle.
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Some customer. Bastards. I hate all my customers.
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yeah, Graham's a sound guy.
10. How old are you today? 42.
11. Favourite drink? Tea.
12. Favourite sport to watch? Football.
13. Have you ever dyed your hair? No.
14. Favourite perfume/aftershave? Paco Rabanne.
15. Pets? Moon The Cat.
16. Favourite month? August.
17. Favourite food? Chips!
18. What was the last movie you watched? "Good Night, And Good Luck". It's very good.
19. Favourite day of the year? Haven't got one.
20. What do you do to vent anger? Bang my desk and throw things.
21. Fall or Spring? Fall.
22. Hugs or kisses? Hugs.
23. Cherry or Blueberry? Blueberry.
24. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Why not.
25. Who is most likely to respond? Don't know. Stef? LB?
26. Who is least likely to respond? Don't know.
27. Living arrangements? With the Sex Goddess Lorraine and Moon The Cat, monster.
28. When was the last time you cried? At the end of a film last week on TV, but I can't remember what it was.
29. What is on the floor of your closet? Porn.
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? I became isolated myself from real people a long time ago, so other than Lorraine (13 years) the only friends I have these days I have met over the Internet. So... Graham. I consider him a friend. (2 years).
31. What did you do last night? Watched TV, fell asleep.
32. Favourite smell? The smell of female, obviously, heh heh!
33. What inspires you? Don't know. Harlan Ellison's writing?
34. What are you afraid of? Loss of control.
35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburger? Plain.
36. Favourite car? The car that Patrick McGoohan drove in "The Prisoner".
37. Favourite dog breed? Border Collie.
38. Number of keys on your key ring? 6 or 7.
39. Number of years at your current job? Nearly 5.
40. Favourite day of the week? Thursday.
41. How many states have you lived in? 1. A state of panic.
42. How many cities/ Towns have you lived in/name them. Birmingham, Nottingham, Leicester. I think that's it.

Nicked from Mark. The Johari and Nohari tests. Go on. You know you want to. I won't take it personally.

I am off to see Goldfrapp tomorrow night. Back Saturday.

"Ooh, La, La, La, La, La, La."
"Ooh, La, La, La, La."

Where do you draw the line at free speech? Here?

In all honesty I cannot agree with sending David Irving to prison for 3 years for Holocaust Denial. David Irving should be allowed to hold any opinions he feels fit, and express them, and the rest of us should be allowed to criticise, lambast and deride his opinions, as well as encouraging small children to point at him in the street and laugh.

Lorraine thinks that David Irving is an arsehole, but that as he broke the law in Austria, he should go to prison for breaking that law.

How can opinions be challenged if they cannot be expressed without fear?

Pynchon does politics. It's great!

Last night I went to bed way too late because I was ripping music onto my MP3 player (The Lemonheads' "Come On Feel The Lemonheads", the Byrds' "Younger Than Yesterday" and R.E.M.'s "Out Of Time") and this morning I was up way too early because Lorraine called me at 9:10 to say that, as somebody didn't turn up for the morning shift, she had taken it (the silly cow was up at 4:50 this morning and was in work before 7am) and would be home just after 4pm. 'tic good, but I couldn't get back to sleep and now I am feeling a bit groggy.

Mid morning I went to see "Good Night, And Good Luck".



It is very good film and almost supernaturally relevant to today's world, dealing as it does with issues of personal responsibility, truth, civil liberties and freedom of the press. It is exactly the kind of film that should be shown to anybody with even the slightest inclination in going into politics or journalism. Just terrific. It is very short as well, but not a second of it's 93 minutes is wasted. Maybe George Clooney will get a nod of some kind at the forthcoming Oscars, but I doubt it. Interesting to note as well that if David Strathairn portrayal of Edward R Murrow is accurate, the Twilight Zone's genius Rod Serling based his entire screen persona on Edward R Murrow, even down to the chain smoking.

After the cinema I did a some shopping for the rest of the week. Lorraine will probably find fault with something I have bought, but if she is daft enough to leave it to me... (blows raspberry.)

Waiting at the bus stop to come home, I saw a fat guy (shellsuit, baseball cap, goatee) doing a painful rendition of Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River" while dancing with a pram containing a young child. His girlfriend (actually she was nice, red hair, low cut top, freckles on her tits) seemed mortified. It was funny until I thought about it, and then I realised that it was exactly the kind of thing I would do.

So, what's going on with you then? Let's have a look.

What's this only-post-every-couple-of-days shit, I've managed to get myself into? Not good enough, John. Really not good enough. There was time to post yesterday, as well, but I was busy. Watching TV.

Er. Yes.

So, where are we?

Yesterday I went to Top Sister's and played about with setting up various things on her new computer. It is a beautiful machine. If I am honest the computer is so good it is going to be a little bit wasted on her. She only wants it for email and shopping and for my Niece to do her homework on. I went through some other things that she might use the Internet for and she was completely blank and uninterested. Example? She has no concept of why she would want to chat to strangers on the Internet or why she would want to setup an alias in her dealings online. She thought the idea of pretending to be somebody else was very sad indeed. Lorraine started to tell Top Sister about my Blog, but a swift kick to Lorraine's shins soon put a stop to that. I definitely do not want her reading this.

I think some of the above is down to my Brother's dealings since he got his computer. Top Sister has always had a love-hate relationship with my Brother. She thinks the fact that my Brother has almost exclusively met his, many, partners over the Internet is dicey and dangerous and weird. It's funny, Top Sister was always the wild child when she was younger, and now she has become this middle aged prude. Oh, well. She will find her own way on the Internet. We have all had to. We are going back next week. I said that I would draw her up a good practice and good housekeeping list and we will be going through them.

We spent a lot of time at Top Sister's, and only left when Lorraine had to make her Dentist's appointment, so there was no film on Saturday. I went food shopping, Lorraine endured the torture chair at the Dentist. During the evening we watched "Dancing On Ice" and then Denzel Washington in "Man On Fire". It is one of Tony Scott's best films, the others being "Spy Game", "True Romance" and "The Last Boy Scout". I thought that "Man On Fire" was terrific. Tony Scott managed to reign in his tendency to go for his usual flashy visuals, wham bam editing and screeching rock music soundtracks that ruin most of his films. Denzel Washington gets better as he gets older. It's definitely a slow burn of a movie (and performance), but stick with it. It pays off.

Today I went to see "Final Destination 3". Here is the poster.



Woo hoo! Scary stuff, eh?

I have always liked the "Final Destination" films. I saw the first one at random six years ago during a bored afternoon in Nottingham waiting for Lorraine to finish work. They all have the same basic plot. Teen has a premonition of death. Teen freaks out. Teen (and others) cheat Death. Death gets pissed and goes after Teen (and others). Cue disfigurement, violence, gratuitous nudity, horror and... er...Death. Simple, beautiful, classic. The 2000's version of the great "Nightmare On Elm Street" series. (Another series with attractive teens being butchered in bizarre and diabolical ways by an unstoppable killer. Of course the question of why a lot of people find such stuff entertaining could fill a lot of pyschological textbooks and I am not even going to go there, thank you very much.)

I liked "Final Destination 3" a lot. Wonderful stuff, but if I am honest, not remotely scary. It's just a shame that Tony Todd was busy this time. I missed him.

I am off work tomorrow. (Excellent. Hurrah!) I will probably go to see "Good Night, And Good Luck". Something completely different.

This is bad.

34 minutes until "The IT Crowd" and "My Name Is Earl" and then I have to go to bed straight away because I have to be up early to go and fetch Lorraine's late birthday present from the post office ("Space: Above And Beyond" - it's fab) because the fuckers have charged me import tax and then I have to go to Top Sister's house to help put her computer together despite the fact that I know nothing about such things and then I have to fit a film in (I know I don't have to fit a film in but I feel that I should fit a film in because I have already missed some I would like to have seen this year) and then I have to buy some food because if I don't Lorraine and I will starve and then I have to go home and watch either the premiere on Sky Movies or if that is shit "Dancing On Ice" and maybe Lorraine will let me grope her tits and I'm sorry that I did not post last night but I watched the Brits Awards instead which I thought was great and doesn't Prince look good for his age and what a shame Paul Weller couldn't name names and thank Rick Buckler, Bruce Foxton, D. C. Lee and Mick Talbot for their contribution to making him the success that he is now and then I have to think what to do on Monday because I have got the day off.

Phew. I'm knackered. I'm not doing that again. Experimental writing. It's shit, isn't it?

Two more people in my department have handed in their notices. That's three people now in three weeks. It is officially a crisis. My reaction? I kept trying to get my friend Bill Broad to his horse impression (don't ask), but he was too busy. I laughed all day. Sometimes I behave disgracefully.

Swiss Toni, you are the man. You know why.

This lady is the new Bond girl.



I have said it before, and I will say it again, never underestimate the power of the black bra.

Damn!

My home page is the BBC News website and they already have some of the results of the Brits awards posted. I was going to put all of my predictions down, but there is little point now. Oh, well. I was right about James Blunt and K. T. Tunstall winning Best Male and Female Singer, respectively. I would have been right about the Kaiser Chiefs winning Best Group, Arctic Monkeys winning Best Breakthrough act and Lemar winning Best Urban Act, but I would have been wrong about the winner of the Best Single award. Coldplay's "Speed Of Sound"? Surely not. It should have been Tony Christie with "Is This The Way To Amarillo?".

The best thing? I cannot prove I would have been right about any of the above. Never mind. Next year.

I hope that everybody who was inclined had a nice Valentine's Day. We did. Lorraine arrived at work at some obscene hour of the morning so she could go home early to cook. Yesterday evening I arrived at Pynchon Towers to a huge selection of Chinese/English food. We ate on and off for the whole of the evening. Even the little birdies in the back garden benefited. (Chips? Couldn't eat them. Onto the back lawn with them. They were gone by this morning.)

We exchanged presents. On Saturday Lorraine bought me some really nice shirts. Yesterday she also gave me a double DVD of "That'll Be The Day" and "Stardust". They are both brilliant films and show what a talent David Essex was in the 1970's. I gave Lorraine her "Best Of The Osmonds" CD, which made her laugh and I think she liked. "Space: Above And Beyond" has not turned up yet, so she will get that later. She knows that there is another present to come.

It was a content, good night. Doesn't make for interesting blogging, though, does it?

Last thing. I was sad to hear about the death of singer Lynden David Hall. He was 31 years old. Christ. Hardly a life at all, really.



RIP.

I'll reply to some comments here, if I may? I have let it slip over the past couple of days.

stef and huggies - Thanks for the heads up on extraction and distribution of MP3 files. I'll certainly give it a go the next time the need arises.

ginny - I really hated the "Mission: Impossible" movie. SPOILERS. I hated the way that they turned TV's greatest Spymaster into a traitor. I hated the way they killed off the entire team within the first half an hour of the film. I hated the way that the whole film became about Tom Cruise, superspy. (I have no problem with Tom Cruise, per se. He has been in good films, he has been in bad films.) I hated the way that the producers refused to allow even a single member of the original "Mission: Impossible" cast to make a cameo appearance. (Can you think of a single TV to movie remake where a member of the original cast did not make a cameo appearance? Barbara Bain would have done it, if she had been asked. She said so. I would have just loved to have seen Peter Graves and Martin Landau cameo in the "Mission: Impossible" movie.) I hated the way that, allegedly, the producers rejected an apparently very good and exciting Oliver Stone script because it focused on the team. "Mission: Impossible" was all about the team and not about an individual agent. Fucking ignoramus'. END OF SPOILERS. And don't get me started on the piece of boring shit that was "Mission: Impossible II". The saddest thing about all of this? I will probably go to see "Mission: Impossible III" as I want to see what J. J. Abrams has done with it and I will probably be disappointed. I really loved the "Mission: Impossible" TV series. It shows, doesn't it?

mark - I have sent you another email address. We'll get there. :-) Your efforts are much appreciated, by the way. I'm sure you know that.

LB - You never liked Madness? Jesus Christ, burn the heretic.

Threelight - "Space: Above And Beyond" can be purchased at the fine emporium DVD Pacific, but sadly only on region 1. Watch out for the import tax!

swisstoni - Yes, I know of that Johnny Cash compilation. I'm prevented from purchasing it at present due to, ahem, cash flow difficulties. If MP3's are on offer, though...

katyola - I hope and I pray that Heath Ledger will win, because that is who I would have voted for. I have not seen "Capote", but I saw the trailer yesterday and it looks like Philip Seymour Hoffman gives an astoundingly mannered performance. I like the guy very much, but I don't know if the Academy will go for it. I think that possibly Joaquin Phoenix will come through the middle and win. Hell, what do I know? I know nothing.

Yesterday I saw "Sympathy For Lady Vengeance". It is the third in a trilogy of revenge movies directed by Chan-wook Park. I didn't care much for it. It was not what I expected. I thought that the first hour was quite interesting, but then it became quite boring. I don't really know why it was an 18 certificate, either. I'm a Philistine. I probably would have enjoyed "Final Destination 3" more than "Sympathy For Lady Vengeance". That was my other choice.

Did everybody enjoy "24" last night? I did. Oh, yes. Indeed I did. I would go so far as to say that it was the best opening two hours to a series of "24" that they have ever done. And is it just me or is Chloe looking kind of hot? Oh, it's me. (Sulks.)

And Kim still to come... (Heh, heh. I said, "Kim still to come"...)

I have a ticket to see the Ordinary Boys at Wolverhampton Civic Hall in October. I know practically nothing about them, and have only heard their album once, but a couple of guys at work asked me if I fancied going and I said OK. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Lorraine took me to a fancy shirt shop that she found in an alleyway off New Street. She bought me two shirts (a white one with blue spots and a white one with red spots, very Modish and natty dread) and I purchased two shirts for work (a white one and a blue one). I told her to consider the two she bought me as my Valentines Day presents, but I think that she has also bought me something else. Good girl. (My presents for her have not turned up yet. They are the DVD box set of "Space: Above And Beyond" (which she really loved) and a CD of the Osmonds greatest hits. Yeah, sad I know, but can I help it if her heart still belongs to Donny?)



I went to see the Johnny Cash biopic "Walk The Line" starring Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon. I could pretend to be very cool and say that I knew all about Johnny Cash before seeing this film, but that would not be true. I knew some of his songs, and some of them I liked very much (one of his last recordings, "Hurt", is one of the finest singles - and videos - of the past 10 years). I knew that he dressed in black a lot. I knew that he recorded live albums in Folsom prison and San Quentin prison. I knew that his persona was that of a maverick and an outlaw. I knew that he recorded with Bob Dylan. I think that's it.

I thought that "Walk The Line" was very good. Hell, Joaquin Phoenix was so good that it might be worth putting a tenner on him to win the Best Actor Oscar this year. Reese Witherspoon can irritate me intensely, but she was also very good in this film. The focus of most of the film is on their love story and I learnt a few new things. During the early days Johnny Cash toured with Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis and Carl Perkins. June Carter wrote "Ring Of Fire". Johnny Cash had an older brother who died tragically young. For periods of his life Johnny Cash was a drug addict.

I feel the urge to go out and buy a good Johnny Cash compilation. I was impressed.

This evening, in between bitching at each other, Lorraine and I watched "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow". It should have been terrific but it was really boring. I think that Lorraine blamed me. I did not want to watch "Shark Tale". I couldn't be arsed. She flicked channels. I did the washing up. She asked me what I wanted to do. I said that some dirty animal sex would be nice. She ignored me. Snip snip, snap snap, bitch bitch. She tutted when I put on the programme "100 Greatest Sexy Moments" which Channel 4 were repeating. I said that she did not understand what a "fucking bore it is living with a prude". Now I am here.

I have just put a couple of bets on for the Oscars. I'll reveal who I think will win closer to the time. In 1994 and 1995 I got all of my predictions correct (Film, Director, Actor, Actress, Supporting Actor and Actress), but I have never done that well since. It looks like the betting has closed on the Brits awards, but that is probably for the best as far as I am concerned. The only two winners I am sure about are James Blunt and K. T. Tunstall for best male and female singer respectively.

Life is enough to make you weep.

There are important things going on in the world, but none of those things involve me.

In response to my friend Joey Lips telling me that he had seen the trailer for "Mission: Impossible III", I was all ready to write about how much I loathed "Mission: Impossible" and "Mission: Impossible II", but I am tired and who really gives a damn?

Sorry.

Things that drive Pynchon mad. Number 576.

Copy controlled CD's. I wanted to copy Goldfrapp's album "Supernature" onto my MP3 player. Could I do it? No. It is copy controlled. Wankers.

Things that drive Pynchon mad. Number 577.

Spoilers on TV programmes. The new series of "24" starts in the UK on Sunday. I admit that I have heard vague whispers about the plot, nothing more and nothing less. I don't really want to know. The only thing that I have shared with the anybody is the return at some point of fulsome, gorgeous, bouncy Elisha Cuthbert as Kim Bauer, and you could have picked that up anywhere. I bought a copy of TV Guide today. I turned to Sunday night and there is a big fuck off spoiler of something that is going to happen in episode 1. There is an even bigger spoiler on the entry for Monday night (the repeat of Sunday night's episode). Wankers.

Things that drive Pynchon mad. Number 578.

Lack of sex. Wankers. (Or is that just wanker?)

I stayed home from work today, as I am not very well. Some kind of weird flu hybrid. My legs, arms and head ache and I am going to the toilet constantly, but I am not coughing or sneezing. I am also a bit hot. (Hey, I think I am hot!) I think that it has been coming on for a couple of days. In retrospect I did not feel too good over the weekend. I hope that I didn't give this to my Sister or my Niece. Lorraine seemed fine this morning.

After spending hours in front of daytime TV, I decided that I could not stand it anymore, so here I am. Probably not a good idea. I have done the comment bit. I have done the news surfing bit. I might now look up the betting odds for the Oscars. Other than that, I am done. It would not do for Lorraine to find me on the computer. I am pretty sure that she thinks that I am faking it.

Later cool people.

God bless you Vue Cinema at Star City! The only cinema in Birmingham showing "A Cock And Bull Story" on a Sunday morning. It suited me perfectly, but I had nightmares getting to the cinema to see it.

I left my house, saw a bus at the top of the road and ran for it. Doing this I managed to twist my foot. The bus driver was a gentleman and stopped the bus and waited for me, but it turned out not to be the bus that I wanted. I waited at the bus stop with a severe looking Chinese girl and a pretty girl in her late teens with large breasts (and a large arse as well, but that's OK). 20 minutes later the bus still had not arrived, so the severe looking Chinese girl crossed the road, went into a house, came out of the house a couple of minutes later with an equally severe looking middle aged Chinese lady, got into a car and drove away. I chatted to the pretty girl in her late teens with large breasts (and a large arse as well, but that's OK) about Marxist philosophy (not really) and eventually the bus came. I hobbled to the cinema and made it with 2 minutes to spare.



Was "A Cock And Bull Story" worth the effort? I think so. I have liked all of Michael Winterbottom's films that I have seen. (And yes, I even liked his porn/art film/music epic "9 Songs".) "A Cock And Bull Story" is very funny and very self knowing. It is a complete parody and send up of the movie making process, with various very well known British and American, or is that Canadian (Hi Gillian Anderson!), actors playing versions of themselves. Does this film have anything to do with the unfilmable novel "Tristram Shandy"? God only knows, because I don't. "A Cock And Bull Story" has died on it's arse in the UK. Shame.

I had my hair cut this afternoon. The lovely Ashlyn was off ill, so I was in the capable hands of Camp Harry. He has the lightest of touches. Very soothing. We talked about Peter Andre, Pete Burns, Leonardo Di Caprio and Keanu Reeves. All Gay icons, apparently. Camp Harry saw Peter Andre in concert last year and touched his hand. A religious experience by all accounts.

I had an argument with Lorraine this evening. In a phrase the equal of Noel Coward at this most cutting, she told me to "fuck myself". I said that I probably would as it would be the "best fucking going on in this house, recently", which seemed to aggravate her. Things are not good at the moment. We are winding each other up. We are both over tired. Lorraine has plans to get up at 5am tomorrow to be in work by 7am. She does not have to be in work before 9am. It is madness, but she will not be told.

I am suffering a little from sleep deprivation, due to the very stupid act of every night this week staying up too late and every morning getting up too early. I had hoped to have a lie in this morning, but it was not to be. Amazon tried to deliver a parcel to the house on Thursday morning (another mistake, as I normally get my parcels delivered to my Mom's house) and, of course, we were not in. I phoned the depot and spoke to a very helpful guy who said that he could deliver Saturday, but that the only time he could it was between 7am and 8am. Er... OK then. So I was up early again today.

I am suffering a little now. My neck is very sore and my eyes are drooping a little. The rest of this will be very brief, because it has to be, and then I will be going to bed.

On the way home from work yesterday, Lorraine managed to get one of the crowns on her teeth to collapse. She was in some considerable pain, but managed to get an emergency appointment at the dentist this morning. She has had a temporary crown set and is now looking at finally having some permanent work done. They want to charge her three grand for the privilege, but it will apparently last 20 years. I told her to go for it. We have the money.

I went with Top Sister to help her buy a computer. Despite my best efforts she decided not to wait to get something picked by myself off the Internet, as she did not want to wait, so we got something off the shelf at Comet. Actually, the machine she chose is not bad. It has 25 times the hard disk space of mine (I have 10GB and my machine is now 6 years old, I don't care, it suits me!), is reasonably quick and she had a cheap printer thrown in. The machine is back at her house and is up and working. Next step, getting Broadband installed. That will probably happen next week.

Top Sister, my Niece and myself ate at Frankie & Benny's in Selly Oak. Nice staff, but the food was not up to much. Then we went around to my Mom's, which was good fun. My Mom was fit and well and sarcastic, which is just how I like her.

Back home. Lorraine and I watched "Dancing On Ice" (John Barrowman is out! I curse you voting British public! Disgraceful!) and a bit of Channel 4's "100 Greatest Cartoons Of All Time" programme ("Queer Duck"? Never heard of it. It looks brilliant!) and then I went on here.

I am gone.

Something is definitely not right with the world.

1. I failed to make the New Woman 100 sexiest men in the world poll. Number 1 was Brad Pitt. Number 100 was Alex Turner. Fucking Pete Doherty was number 18!
2. "Big Mommas House 2" is number 1 in the film charts in the U.S.A! OK. I admit it. I have never seen "Big Mommas House 2" and so should not comment, but I did see the first one and that was a turd. "Big Mommas House" was dreadful, horrible, appalling, shit, a turkey, a stinker, a crock and just awful. I am ashamed to admit that I actually paid money to see "Big Mommas House" at the cinema. Maybe I'm dissing the new one for no reason. Perhaps "Big Mommas House 2" is brilliant and will be rightfully recognised as the "Citizen Kane" of comedy movies? Perhaps in a year or so Martin Lawrence will win the Academy award for Best Actor for his fine and subtle performance in the title role?
3. The Channel 4 documentary "The Worlds Largest Penis", which was shown last night, was not about my boss but was actually about guys with large dicks. Misleading. It shouldn't be allowed.

Tuesday's post was a bit depressing, but I feel a whole lot better now.

All cynicism aside, I thought that President Bush's comments on Oil Addiction within his State Of The Union address were very interesting. He said that "I announce the Advanced Energy Initiative - a 22% increase in clean-energy research at the Department of Energy". Sounds good to me, although I have no idea what the budget is at present. 22% of very little might be very little. Still, it has got the subject of the mess we are going to be facing if we do not do something about the future of energy into the mainstream news, and that can only be good.

Last night we watched "Our House" starring Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore (down boy!) It was kind of obvious, and I guessed the ending, but I liked it. Lorraine fell asleep. When she awoke she said that it was boring and that she hated it. Lorraine snores as well.