Pynchon

No work for me until Wednesday. Monday I am going with my Brother to see Crowded House at the NEC. Tuesday I will be recovering from going with my Brother to see Crowded House at the NEC.

Today... Well, today I just fancied a day off, but I also had plans. Today was going to be a blur of cinema going, filing, ringing the Tax Office over a weird letter I got from them about a shortfall of NI contributions for the period 2005 through 2006, ringing my pension provider to increase my contributions from January 2008, buying Christmas presents, hoovering, food shopping and a million other things. I say was because I haven't done a thing because the water has been off. From the sound of the water tank, it looks like it is just coming back on.

We had a note from Severn Trent last week saying that they were going to do be doing maintenance overnight, last night, from 9pm to 6am. Fair enough. I suppose these things have to happen. This morning I got up early because I promised Lorraine I would cook breakfast for her, being the nice boyfriend and all that guff. I noticed that there was only a trickle of water out of the kitchen tap. Lorraine leapt into the shower. She was lucky. There was enough water in the tank for her, but I have been bereft all morning.

I rang Severn Trent. There was a problem. They expected the water to be back 'later'. 'When later?' 'Don't know.'

Okey dokey.

I have been fretting. I have been moving from room to room, carrying the phone waiting for it to ring. I watched the extras on my "Gangsters" DVD. I made a cup of tea. I drank my cup of tea. I had a piss in my back garden, watched by a squirrel. He admired the size of my manhood and will no doubt tell his friends about it. I went back into the house. I sat down. I stood up. I checked my email. Waste of a morning. There was nothing wrong with the phone. I could have made my phone calls.

Never mind.

I suppose I had better have a wash.

Labels: Squirrels, Stress, Water

Last Saturday I went to see "Shrooms".



Some media wag in the UK has summed up "Shrooms" as 'Blair Witch on Acid'. (Good line, that. It made it onto the poster!) That is a pretty accurate description, seeing as "Shrooms" deals with a group of disparate teenagers sampling natures' favourite hallucinogenic of choice in an isolated forest miles from civilization, whilst being picked off one by one by a force or forces unknown.

"Shrooms" is not a particularly original film. The plot is just a variation on a theme which has been mined many, many times over the years (how many films can you name about a group of isolated teenagers being butchered in interesting ways?), and the ending is not a surprise. But all is not lost because "Shrooms" does boast interesting imagery and cinematography, a handful of jump-out-of-your-seat scares and a good performance by Lindsay Haun. Actually Lindsay Haun is really good. She makes up for the (sometimes) variable performances of the rest of the cast.

"Shrooms". Not bad, but nothing new.

Labels: Movies

A week ago last Saturday I saw "Good Luck Chuck". About time I wrote about it, isn't it? There will be spoilers.



What do I care about credibility? I thought that "Good Luck Chuck" was funny.

Of course it goes without saying that "Good Luck Chuck" really is a load of crap. However, it does deliver exactly what it says on the tin (or in the trailer) and you can hardly complain about being misled if you hand over your pounds, dollars, rand or groats to see it.

"Good Luck Chuck" is gross, crass, sexist, probably misogynist, has lots and lots of gratuitous nudity (even if the lovely Jessica Alba's no nudity clause just about manages to stay intact - boo, hiss!), fat jokes, slapstick comedy and penguin porn.

Actually, thinking about it, "Good Luck Chuck" has a pretty good setup for a porno comedy. Dentist Charlie is cursed in that every woman he sleeps with eventually leaves him and finds true love in the arms of their very next partner. Women flock to Charlie and that's great, but then Charlie meets his perfect girl. Can Charlie break the curse?

'Course he can. But you knew that.

As romantic comedies go, "Good Luck Chuck" isn't bad. There are a lot worse movies about.

I laughed a lot. Forgive me.

Labels: Movies

Not a new thought this, by any means, but do you ever get the feeling that your life is not your own?

For instance, take Thursday evening. I wanted to write. I was actually on my way up the stairs to the computer when Lorraine uttered the dread phrase

"Can you help me buy something on the Internet?"

and all my plans went out of the window. Lorraine is much smarter than me, and she knows full well that I cannot resist the urge to show off my massive knowledge of the in's and out's of Internet shopping. So, needless to say, I ended up stuck on her laptop for TWO FUCKING HOURS while she searched for books and cakes, changed her mind, changed her mind again, got her card details wrong, got her card details right and eventually finished the order. The only thing that stopped me from throttling her (I actually had my hands around her throat) was the fact that "Californication" was starting on Channel 5 and I am an addict for my weekly fix of David Duchovny and co behaving badly. (I love "Californication". This is opposed to Lorraine who just loves David Duchovny. She has referred to him as "too beautiful to live" on more than one occasion.) Then it was too late to do anything as I needed my beauty sleep.

Friday evening, Lorraine wanted us to watch "Die Hard" on DVD, from the box set of "Die Hard" films we bought recently. Now I have seen "Die Hard" about a million times (it is one of my favourite action films of all time), and I probably would have declined, if her exact words had not been

"Wouldn't it be nice for us to watch a film together, like we used to?"

which I couldn't disagree with. So, the evening, again, was lost, but at least we would be doing something together. (I could think of other things we could do together, but that is still off limits for the moment and I am not going to go into that again.)

We finished eating and I stuck the film on. About an hour in (agents Johnson and Johnson of the FBI had just arrived) I became aware of a horrible, groaning noise. I looked around. It was coming from Lorraine's chair.

The bitch was asleep and snoring.

I threw my cup of tea at her. I gently patted her on the shoulder. She woke up, said she was tired, apologised, farted and went to bed.

Too late to do bugger all, I also went to bed.

Saturday evening. Similar to Thursday evening. The eye plucking torture of Lorraine Internet Shopping, this time for chocolate advent calenders. Too big? Too small? Iced? Not iced? Christmas delivery date? Non Christmas delivery date?

I hung a noose from the ceiling and stuck my head through it. I was standing on the chair and ready to jump when I realised that "The X-Factor" was about to start, so I watched that instead. (Is it me, or are Hope absolutely rubbish? True, they are all pretty girls, except for the one who looks like a rugby player in drag, and I suppose that counts for a lot. I am sure they will be gone next week. Then again, I have been saying that for at least 3 weeks.)

Today we went to the Festive Gift Fair at the NEC. A couple of weeks ago we agreed that this year we would give it a miss. Same old, same old. Nothing new. Too hot, too many people, too much pushing and shoving. Too much spending money on shite.

A week or two ago Ian, Lorraine's step dad, rang her up.

"Are you going to the Festive Gift Fair this year? Penny (Ian's wife) would like to go, but only if you and John are going."

"Of course we're going!", said Lorraine. "We'll see you there." The voice of the Asp that bit Cleopatra on the ass.

The Festive Gift Fair. Same old, same old. Nothing new. Too hot, too many people, too much pushing and shoving. Too much spending money on shite. (Actually, this year I hardly spent any money at all. I purchased a massive two items. A 3 bottle set of Spyder Ginger Beer - cracking drink, you should try it - and a bacon sandwich, and that only because I was hungry. Lorraine bought a wooden advent calender, a fancy nail care set, toys, books, a steam cleaner - although I think Lorraine already has a steam cleaner that has never actually made it out of the box - and other stuff that is so boring it has already been wiped from my memory.)

I could have stayed at home. I could have gone to the cinema! But I figure that doing something with Lorraine is better than doing nothing with her, even if it is taking up lots of time. Maybe that is what a relationship is all about? Ain't I just a saint?

I have a lot of things to catch up on, blog wise. Films, music, events. I will do so this week.

It's good to be back. Boring? Yes?

Labels: Busy

It's not that I don't want to write. The problem is that life is getting in the way, and it is going to do it again tonight.

I am fine. I will return, and when I do I will be so boring that you will wish I had never come back.

Labels: Busy

England 2-3 Croatia.

Bye bye, Steve McClaren. Surely he cannot continue after this?

Labels: Football

The last 5 days.

Too much drink. Too much food. Too much TV. Absolutely no inclination to write anything at all, despite the fact that there were things to write about.

(My thoughts on the reasons for my track choices in Shuffleathon 2007. The film "Good Luck Chuck" , that I saw on Sunday. An email to a friend about a couple of CD's that I got from her. Daft Sister 2 buying a secondhand PC for 20 quid - yes, 20 quid! or, if you prefer, 41 US Dollars, 46 Australian Dollars, 40 Canadian Dollars or 277 South African Rand - from a guy she met at her mental health course, which turned out to be a bit of a bargain, especially once we found out that it was faster than my Brother's 900 quid computer, had all sorts of free software on it, and got it hooked up to my Brother's wireless Broadband.)

Over the past few days I have been lethargic, pissed off and fed up. Silences with Lorraine, interspersed with arguments, a quite good day on Saturday and a dispiriting wank on Sunday evening ,with Lorraine begrudgingly assisting.

Depressed? Yes, maybe depressed. Perhaps something to do with the dark mornings and the dark evenings and the weather?

No. I don't believe that. I don't deny that other people might feel the weight of Winter pressing in, but I don't think I am one of them. I like Autumn and Winter.

Maybe I just couldn't be arsed. Maybe I still can't.

I'm sorry if people are worried.

Labels: Boredom, Thoughts

"Here we are now"
"Entertain us"

Er... Not tonight, Josephine.

Labels: Time

I have been trying to do some writing, but it is all rubbish. I will try again tomorrow. Maybe I am just tired.

Labels: Block

The second horror film I saw at the weekend was "Saw IV".



There will be blood sorry, spoilers, re. some of the previous films, so if you want to skip this post, I will forgive you.

I liked "Saw" and "Saw II". I thought that they were tight, nasty, gory, ingenious little horror films. True, at heart they were nothing more than superior torture porn, but gruesomely entertaining nevertheless. People much cleverer than me will write volumes about why some people find violence and horror so entertaining, and I have thoughts on that, but those thoughts can wait for another time.

About a year ago I saw "Saw III". At the time I wrote that I liked it, but in retrospect I would admit that "Saw III" was probably not as good as the first two films. At the end of my little review I wrote the following.

'The ending of "Saw III" is setup nicely for a sequel, but maybe it will be one movie too many?'

One movie too many? Maybe. Either way, I thought that "Saw IV" was the weakest entry in the series so far because of the lack of clarity in the plot, the really confusing and fragmented telling of the story and the fact that the viewer needed an encyclopedic knowledge of the first three films to make head or tails of what was going on. I would imagine that a punter coming in off the street to watch this film, having not seen any of the other films, would be absolutely sunk. Sometimes exposition is needed, especially in a second sequel.

True, there were some good ideas in "Saw IV". With the death of Jigsaw and his assistant Amanda at the end of "Saw III", it was interesting the direction that the filmmakers took. I liked the way that they chose to investigate the motivations of Jigsaw, showing flashbacks to his life, his relationships and the sequence of events that turned him into a serial killer with a moral purpose. I also liked the devilish (final?) set of traps, set to ensnare unsuspecting victims even after his death. (My favourite was the scalping machine. Eeek! If I had more hair I would be holding onto it now.)

Hang on a minute! I think I have just convinced myself that "Saw IV" was not all that bad after all, but, please-please-please the writer(s) of "Saw V" (an inevitable prospect?), give the script a good rewrite before going into production. Simplicity is the key. I cannot afford to scratch my head through another "Saw" film. I haven't got enough hair.

Labels: Movies

Tedious? Yes. Sure is. Especially when it is me who causes the fight. Let me explain.

Last night I had a plan. Get home from the cinema ("30 Days Of Night", which I will go into in a minute) sometime around 5pm. Chill for half an hour. 5:30pm. Cook for 35 minutes. (10 minutes to heat the oven, 25 minutes to cook the breaded chicken and prepare the salad.) 6:05pm. Eat food. 6:20pm. Chill with Lorraine for 25 minutes. 6:45pm. Disappear upstairs to watch "The X-Factor". (Lorraine has expressed a mighty disinterest in watching it this year, so I go upstairs to watch it on the TV in the front bedroom. Sue me. I like "The X-Factor". I find it entertaining.)

Last night the plan was ruined. Why? Because Lorraine decided to strip all of the beds and wash the sheets.

I explained to Lorraine, between gritted teeth, that if I was going to be going upstairs to watch "The X-Factor", as she insists that it is a piece of shit and would rather watch that other piece of shit called "Robin Hood", I would have to make my bed before doing so, as I refuse to lie on a bed that is unmade. (Yes, I did say 'my bed'. I am still banished to the front bedroom. 11 months now and counting and, No, I didn't think it would go on so long.) I pointed out that if I had to make my bed it would probably take me some time, because I was not yet over the cold (sniffles, breathlessness and generally feeling shit), I would not be able to cook beforehand and so we would be eating later.

I could say there were words, but that would not be correct. It was actually a very quiet evening. The quiet of the post apocalyptic landscape.

I made my bed. I watched "The X-Factor". In the 45 minutes between the main show and the results show I cooked the food and ate the food. (Lorraine picked at it.) I went back upstairs and watched the results show. I went downstairs to find Lorraine watching "High School Musical" (which I have never seen, and the 10 minutes of it that I did see convinced me that I have no wish to ever see it again) despite the fact that earlier we had decided to watch something on the DVD, so I came up here, did a quick (mysterious?) post and went to bed.

I regret it. I could have followed the original plan. There was time to cook. I could have just flung a duvet over my bed and lay on that watching "The X-Factor" and made the bed later, but I didn't want to. I just wanted to argue and make a point. No wonder Lorraine is sick of me. I am pretty sick of myself. I am not a nice person.

********

"30 Days Of Night".


Barrow, Alaska. The most Northerly town in the United States. During the longest night of the year (er... that would be the '30 days of night' of the title) a group of vampires descend on the town, feeding on everyone that they can find. A group of people, led by an young sheriff, fight to survive the onslaught. Will these people make it until daybreak? Ah... Well that is the question. You will have to see the movie to find out, won't you?

Frankly, I think the above setup for a horror movie is absolutely fantastic and brilliant and original (until somebody tells me that it has been done before) and I was really looking forward to seeing it. Plenty of scope for an full blooded "Dawn Of The Dead" battle-for-survival-against-incredible-odds, kind of a movie. It is such a shame that the execution of the idea left so much to be desired.

Yes, the vampires are truly fantastic creations. Evil, gross, vicious, animal like mutations. Danny Huston, as their (Hungarian speaking?) almost philosophical leader, is great and made me shiver every time he appeared onscreen. There is wonderful cinematography, in the latter stages focusing on the white of the snow and the red of the blood, and some brilliant scene construction, showing at a distance the carnage and mayhem on the ground. But, sadly and possibly inevitably, "30 Days Of Night" commits the cardinal sin of any horror movie. When the monsters' are not onscreen, it is really boring and slow.

Maybe it is down to the cast. I don't know. I didn't find them interesting. "Hard Candy" proves that David Slade can direct a pacy, interesting film with a minimal cast, when that cast is good. (That film is practically a two hander throughout.) I must say that even as a longstanding Josh Harnett apologist (I like him, really I do), I felt that his performance this time is particularly vacant and definitely nothing to write home about.

"30 Days Of Night" is not terrible, but it is not what it could have been.

Labels: Arguments, Movies

We are fighting.

It really is all so fucking tedious.

Labels: Bad Day

I have been burning CD's for a friend. I have the address to send them to around here somewhere. (Sorry LB.) I also have some CD's to listen to. (Sorry Katy.)

At the moment, that is about it. I intend to get back into this blogging thing properly over the weekend.

Would anybody be interested in why I made the choices that I did with regard to my compilation for Shuffleathon 2007? 'Course you would.

Next time.

Labels: Music, Shuffleathon

Better late than never. This is what I thought about "Death At A Funeral" and "The Lookout". (I hesitate to call these burblings, reviews.)

"Death At A Funeral".



"Death At A Funeral" is an old fashioned British farce of dark secrets, misunderstandings, bad taste/poo jokes, and bad behaviour. It features a good cast of familiar British character actors, plus the U.S. actor Alan Tudyk. Everybody is pretty well given equal screen time and something to do, and you would imagine that that they just had a whale of a time on the set, what with all of the running around, the chance to sprout outrageous dialogue with a poker face and, sometimes, the chance to overact wildly. Such a shame, then, that the fun just didn't completely translate onto screen.

You see, the problem with farce is that the construction of the story has to be very carefully thought through, and the pace and timing has to be absolutely spot on, for the farce to work. I didn't think that "Death At A Funeral" was nearly fast, pacy or frenetic enough, and this was with it only being a short movie - 90 minutes. Sometimes it dragged badly.

"Death At A Funeral" is not a disaster. It does have it's moments, mostly involving Alan Tudyk as Daisy Donovan's nervous fiance Simon, and Andy Nyman as the put upon Howard. I thought those two actors performances were really funny. (Need I also say that I thought Daisy Donovan is still incredibly sexy? No, I didn't think so.)

So... "Death At A Funeral" is not bad, but all things being equal, it is not a masterpiece either.

"The Lookout".



Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Chris Pratt (unfortunate last name there, Mr. Frank!), who is a young, good looking guy and the star of his high school hockey team. His life is changed completely when he sustains head injuries in a car crash. Four years later Chris is trying to rebuild his life and work through his physical and mental problems (he has issues with 'chronological sequencing'). Chris works a night time cleaning job in a bank. Chris is noticed by a guy called Gary Spargo, who has plans...

To be honest I thought that "The Lookout" was fairly predictable and didn't really make the most of an enticing setup. But that aside, it is also a fairly entertaining and well put together modern crime thriller.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is really good as Chris Pratt. As much a cypher here as he was in a great film from a couple of years ago called "Brick". A really interesting performance. I had never heard of Matthew Goode, but he is ... Er... good as Gary Spargo. Sadly I didn't really believe Jeff Daniels as Chris Pratt's blind friend Lewis (too many mannerisms, too much the wise old sage, maybe Morgan Freeman was too expensive?) and I thought that the lovely Isla Fisher as the interestingly monickered Luvlee Lemons (she plays a stripper) was completely miscast. Too young (although she is 31 years old, so what do I know?) and too innocent looking.

A good enough film for an evening out, but again, not a masterpiece.

Labels: Movies

I thought that antibiotics are supposed to have no affect on cold and flu germs? If that is the case, how come the second I stopped taking my tablets, I developed a really bad sore throat and the sniffles?

God hates me.

I saw two films at the weekend ("Death At A Funeral" and "The Lookout"). My intention this evening was to write two short reviews of them, but other things took a little longer than expected, so they will have to wait until tomorrow.

The world turns...

Labels: Illness, Movies

I am finding it very hard to be bothered. I write about writing about things, which is hardly inspiring at all, now is it?

I know what is happening. I am drifting into a depressive state. It has happened before. Maybe it is is part of the Pynchon family genetic makeup. Some of you know about my Mom's problems in the past and about Sister 2's continuing problems. My Mom told me recently that my Brother is also having problems. She wants me to have a word with him because she thinks that I will make a difference. I doubt it. My Brother told my Mom that lately I don't have anything to do with him. I don't know where he got that from. I love my Brother with all of my heart.

Late last week I asked Lorraine if she wanted to go to bed with me. She said No. I asked when she might want to go to bed with me. She said that she didn't know. Weeks go by now without me asking because I always know the answer and why cause tension by asking? I find it more and more difficult to raise the subject. Or do I find it less and less of a problem?

I watch couples in the street. I watch the hand holding and the laughter and the cuddles and I want to tell them to make the most of it, because it will end sooner or later. Maybe this happens to everybody. Indifferent women and frustrated men. I don't know. Maybe I am an aberration? Maybe I am the one not behaving the way a 44 year old should behave? Maybe I should have known to expect this?

Labels: Illness, Lorraine, Sex

Earlier today (actually yesterday, as it is now the early hours of Sunday morning) Lorraine asked to see The Finger. After studying it she said

"You've got to start looking after yourself better."

"As if you care", said yer Pynch dismissively, and then she looked me straight in the face with a real expression of hurt.

Maybe she does care?

Labels: Thoughts

I have been writing an email (half an email, actually) and it has taken a long time. Comments on

1. Rubbish collection plans
2. Heather Mills
3. The Corporation's party
4. Radiohead's free album download
5. "Dumbledore is gay"
6. The finger

will follow at another time. I also need to get a CD burnt and into the post for a friend.

There is no time to do anything.

Labels: Knackered

Chores get in the way of Blogging. Such is life.

Lorraine has decided to lend her cousin some money. Four thousand pounds, to be exact. I have been moving money around Lorraine's bank accounts.

Somehow I failed to notice to sign above our front door that read "Bank Of Lorraine". Then again, it is her money and I don't suppose it has got anything to do with me. I will shut up now.

I have lots of things to write about, but now I am going to watch TV. I feel anxious.

Labels: Lorraine, Money