Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Lorraine has arrived safely. She called this evening in the middle of the "Scrubs" double bill, just to annoy me. We had a chat.
She asked if I had eaten properly. I had. She asked me if the house was OK. I said that it was. She asked me if work was OK. Work was fine, except that another member of the team, who has always believed that he should have been given Lorraine's job, decided that in Lorraine's absence that he was in charge and... Ha! Ha! Ha!... decided to try to tell me what to do. Oh, how I laughed while I ripped him apart in front of everybody, because I was not in the mood to put up with such bullshit. Unprofessional of me, and thinking about it probably a bad move, but do you know what? Fuck him.
Lorraine confirmed when she was coming home. I told her I loved her. Lorraine didn't reply, probably because her Brother was in the room with her and Lorraine is not the kind of woman to display any affection to me in public.
... And that was that and it was fine.
So, just to prove that all is not misery and distress in my life (because I refuse to go anywhere near that particular fucking mindset at the moment), some New Words for 2007. Read and enjoy.
TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to getscrewed and die.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
BEER COMPASS - The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
JOHNNY-NO-STARS - A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
MYSTERY BUS - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
She asked if I had eaten properly. I had. She asked me if the house was OK. I said that it was. She asked me if work was OK. Work was fine, except that another member of the team, who has always believed that he should have been given Lorraine's job, decided that in Lorraine's absence that he was in charge and... Ha! Ha! Ha!... decided to try to tell me what to do. Oh, how I laughed while I ripped him apart in front of everybody, because I was not in the mood to put up with such bullshit. Unprofessional of me, and thinking about it probably a bad move, but do you know what? Fuck him.
Lorraine confirmed when she was coming home. I told her I loved her. Lorraine didn't reply, probably because her Brother was in the room with her and Lorraine is not the kind of woman to display any affection to me in public.
... And that was that and it was fine.
So, just to prove that all is not misery and distress in my life (because I refuse to go anywhere near that particular fucking mindset at the moment), some New Words for 2007. Read and enjoy.
TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to getscrewed and die.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
BEER COMPASS - The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.
JOHNNY-NO-STARS - A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
MYSTERY BUS - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
Labels: Humour, Lorraine, Television, Work
# posted by Pynchon @ 8:40 pm 
Comments:
<< Home
I am stealing your words for 2007 and calling them my own. But at least I'm honest about it. ;-)
My fav is Blamestorming. I know that one WELL!
My fav is Blamestorming. I know that one WELL!
I haven't used a Beer Compass, but I have used a Beer Scooter before to get home.
Normally I'll have had my beer goggles on, and so that I don't feel the cold I'll put on my beer jacket, but you'd better watch out for the Beer Monkey!
Post a Comment
Normally I'll have had my beer goggles on, and so that I don't feel the cold I'll put on my beer jacket, but you'd better watch out for the Beer Monkey!
<< Home
