Tuesday, March 27, 2007
29 minutes before "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" starts.
I was ill yesterday. I had a migraine. Lorraine thought I was on a skive, but I wasn't. Two minutes after she left the house I was violently sick in the bathroom. I had several Ibuprofen and went back to bed. I rose from the dead at midday, and after eggs, tea, bananas and a quick post, had a very nice couple of hours, dazed and confused on the settee in the front room.
I was extra nice when Lorraine came home and we are now talking again. Just before bedtime I raised the subject of sex again. No raised voices. No anger. Just words, and they were very quiet words.
I said that she/we/I should go to see somebody. A counselor. A therapist. Whatever.
Lorraine said that she did not need to see anybody. She said that I was only pissed off because I "wasn't getting any".
I didn't disagree with that, but said that the only question I wanted answered was, why wasn't I getting any? Yes, initial physical passion fades, but something physical should remain. Is it me? Am I gross? Am I disgusting? Do I do it wrong? (Does she remember how I do it? 15 months and counting, fact fans.) Is it a medical thing, and if it is, shouldn't medical things be treated?
Lorraine said it was down to "The situation we are in".
I asked her to explain what she meant by "The situation we are in" and she couldn't or wouldn't.
I said that I didn't want to have half a relationship anymore... and I nearly said that if all she wanted was a housemate, then I would be happy to be that, but that I intended to have sex again with somebody that wanted to have sex with me and that person wasn't necessarily going to be her... but I let that go.
I said that I wanted to have a serious talk, and just before bed was not the right time to do it. She agreed.
The time will be made and we are going to talk at the weekend. Yes, I know I've said that a serious talk is just around the corner, and it never seems to happen, but it will happen this weekend. I am determined.
This is an interesting article in today's Independent newspaper. I have left it out for Lorraine to find. Maybe it's a solution? Subtle. That's me.
I was ill yesterday. I had a migraine. Lorraine thought I was on a skive, but I wasn't. Two minutes after she left the house I was violently sick in the bathroom. I had several Ibuprofen and went back to bed. I rose from the dead at midday, and after eggs, tea, bananas and a quick post, had a very nice couple of hours, dazed and confused on the settee in the front room.
I was extra nice when Lorraine came home and we are now talking again. Just before bedtime I raised the subject of sex again. No raised voices. No anger. Just words, and they were very quiet words.
I said that she/we/I should go to see somebody. A counselor. A therapist. Whatever.
Lorraine said that she did not need to see anybody. She said that I was only pissed off because I "wasn't getting any".
I didn't disagree with that, but said that the only question I wanted answered was, why wasn't I getting any? Yes, initial physical passion fades, but something physical should remain. Is it me? Am I gross? Am I disgusting? Do I do it wrong? (Does she remember how I do it? 15 months and counting, fact fans.) Is it a medical thing, and if it is, shouldn't medical things be treated?
Lorraine said it was down to "The situation we are in".
I asked her to explain what she meant by "The situation we are in" and she couldn't or wouldn't.
I said that I didn't want to have half a relationship anymore... and I nearly said that if all she wanted was a housemate, then I would be happy to be that, but that I intended to have sex again with somebody that wanted to have sex with me and that person wasn't necessarily going to be her... but I let that go.
I said that I wanted to have a serious talk, and just before bed was not the right time to do it. She agreed.
The time will be made and we are going to talk at the weekend. Yes, I know I've said that a serious talk is just around the corner, and it never seems to happen, but it will happen this weekend. I am determined.
This is an interesting article in today's Independent newspaper. I have left it out for Lorraine to find. Maybe it's a solution? Subtle. That's me.
Labels: Illness, Lorraine, Sex
# posted by Pynchon @ 8:31 pm 
Comments:
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It sounds like you handled that reasonably well.
You do need to have a serious talk. Yes the sex is an issue and why shouldn't it be? What does Lorraine want (other than work)? What is 'your situation'? Is it ever going to change?
Hmmm. Be strong and don't give in to anger or frustration. Remember that this isn't just about sex but the way you interact with each other on a day to day basis.
MtFbwy!
You do need to have a serious talk. Yes the sex is an issue and why shouldn't it be? What does Lorraine want (other than work)? What is 'your situation'? Is it ever going to change?
Hmmm. Be strong and don't give in to anger or frustration. Remember that this isn't just about sex but the way you interact with each other on a day to day basis.
MtFbwy!
I am glad that communication is at least beginning to happen. Sex may be one of the major issues, but it's probably not the underlying one... there are obviously other things affecting your relationship. And talking about those is the only way you'll ever get to the bottom of them. So much the better if you could talk about them with a trained relationship counselor. But one step at a time, eh?
Best of luck with it all. I truly hope things work out.
Best of luck with it all. I truly hope things work out.
My therapist calls what you are experiencing a "withdrawl of afffection" and says basiclly that is how one partner will draw away from the other partner in an attempt to sabatage the relationship but still feel that they did nothing to cause the relationship to fail. sorry but counseling is definatly my vote on the subject. Goodluck, it sounds like you are going up against a brick wall.
Life is too short to go through it unhappy snd unsexed. (Is that a word?)
Life is too short to go through it unhappy snd unsexed. (Is that a word?)
If "unsexed" isn't a word, it should be. I think you should start looking for a place to stay, at least temporarily. She's completely unreasonable.
In any intimate relationship, the issue of continuing intimacy (or not) inevitably crops up. It is a cruel fact of nature that biologically, and only generally speaking, women can reach a point long before men where physical intimacy is no longer needed in order for them them feel loved and fulfilled. This may be where Lorraine is at - but I do not know: Lorraine is not posting, you are. What is evident from your posts is that lack of physical intimacy is clearly an issue for you, and a significant one at that. This makes it an issue for Lorraine; one which she can not merely shrug off as being "your" problem. The fact that you are still married to each other makes it her problem, and one around which she needs to make some informed decisions. So yes. I do think some sort of impartial "mediating" would be helpful - to both of you. You each need, and deserve, an arena where you can be open and honest with each other - but without being hurtful or spiteful, or resorting to threats (veiled or otherwise).
My best to both of you, Pynchon...
My best to both of you, Pynchon...
Very lame of me to say this, but I do appreciate everybodys comments.
Frankly I cannot wait for the weekend to come.
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Frankly I cannot wait for the weekend to come.
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