Monday, February 05, 2007

 
I really shouldn't make statements about when I will be blogging, and on what subject, because inevitably something always gets in the way and I end up letting myself down. Yesterday was a moot point.

Morning. I arrived early at Gay Tarquin's Hairdressing Emporium. I am the only man who frequents the establishment on a Sunday and I think that Gay Tarquin appreciates the eye candy (Me!). He's a nice guy. I like having my hair cut on a Sunday. I'm in and I'm out. Ooooh, err...

This time I had my hair cut by a lovely girl I had never seen before. Said lady didn't look a day over 10 years old, so it was very disconcerting when she started talking about her 6 month old baby. OK, then... She did a good job, though. It's probably the shortest I have ever had my hair. I look like Ray Winstone in that film "The Final Cut", but obviously sexier.

Afternoon. Went to see "Babel". More about that in a bit.

Evening. Purchased a Chinese takeaway, because neither myself nor Lorraine could be bothered to cook. Announced that I would give her the pleasure of my company for the first half an hour of "Starman", that was showing on Sky Cinema, and that then I would have to depart to write deep and important things on the blog. Of course I ended up watching the whole of "Starman", then the first hour of "Big Trouble In Little China" and then the double bill of "24".

By that time it was 11pm and I was knackered. Too late to blog or do anything. I went to bed.

TV. The opium of the masses. I don't know who said that, but they were right.

On Saturday I went to see "Notes On A Scandal".



Oh, yes... I did enjoy "Notes On A Scandal". It is very really black, very funny and sometimes over the top. Neither Judi Dench's or Cate Blanchett's characters are sympathetic (they both deserve what they get), although Bill Nighy, who is given little to do, is kind of saintly. It's a quite nasty and bitter film, but I really thought that "Notes On A Scandal" was wonderful and hilarious.

Was that the correct reaction? I really couldn't say. I suppose that as much as you try to avoid it, all of us take our cues from the audience that surrounds us. On Saturday the laughter started from a middle aged couple a few seats away from me. I joined in, so did others, and it carried on from there.

I've read a couple of mixed reviews and it seems that the critics were taking "Notes On A Scandal" all very seriously. They were surprised by the ambivalent tone and the fact that Judi Dench was playing such a horrible cow, but Judi Dench has often played horrible cow's. I'll include in that list her parts in "Mrs. Brown", "Shakespeare In Love", "Pride And Prejudice" and "The Importance Of Being Ernest". All cows and all horrible!

Great film. Really enjoyable.

On Sunday I went to see "Babel". It couldn't be more different from "Notes On A Scandal".



Four stories interlinked, different time frames, different settings. The stories are linked in ways that we can only guess at.

Two young boys play with a gun. A bickering American couple experience a crisis on a bus tour of Morocco. A Mexican woman attends the wedding of her son. A Japanese schoolgirl is desperate to lose her virginity.

Director Alejandro González Iñárritu has done this kind of multi-linked, multi-character drama before with "Amores Perros" (which I liked a lot) and "21 Grams" (which I didn't). I think that "Amores Perros" is probably a better movie than "Babel", but "Babel" does have a lot to recommend it.

It's hard going at times, and mostly very serious, but it's also beautifully constructed and very moving, especially in the Japanese sections. Great performances by Rinko Kikuchi, Adriana Barraza and (surprise?) Brad Pitt. In fact, I think that this is probably Brad's best performance since "Fight Club" and the first film that I have seen him in recently in which he looks his age. (He's 43. A couple of months younger than me. 1963 was a very good year...)

I did like "Babel" . Stef didn't. Stef said that he didn't care less about any of the characters. I did. I am right and he is wrong, so there! (Blows raspberry.)

"Babel" is not blockbuster fodder. It should be seen.

Lorraine is going away tomorrow to stay with her Brother. To cut a long story short, Lorraine's Brother's missus gave birth to her second set of twins a couple of weeks ago. Initially things were OK, but the twins were taken to hospital yesterday with some kind of virus. Certainly not life threatening, but bad enough for them to be kept in hospital. Their Mom is going to stay with them, so Lorraine offered to help as she had annual leave left over that had to be taken.

Lorraine will love it. Looking after children. The one thing that she really wanted in her life. The one thing that I never wanted to give her. The thing that started the whole of this sex business mess off.

Lorraine and I get on fine. We share this house. We share everything, except for a bed. There has been no comment about the fact that I am now in the front bedroom; no comment at all except for the bland, "It's time you changed your sheets" or "Don't forget to close your windows". It's as if we have slipped into just being housemates and everything that went on before her hysterectomy has been forgotten.

Perhaps I should just call a stop to this now?

No, I won't. Why? Because I love her and I have a pathetic hope that in the future we will somehow get back to how we were. We should talk, but talking only turns into an argument. I am really at a loss what to do. I think that this could carry on for years if I let it.

I will be alone tomorrow, but I am alone when Lorraine is here.

Not the time to think about it now. Bed time.

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Comments:
I know it sounds cliched, but you seem to be stuck and yet like you really want to change things between you - if you know you need to talk but can't manage to do it productively on your own, maybe it's time to think about a neutral third party? A counselor, a professional? I don't have any firsthand experience (although that's not to say I probably couldn't use some outside guidance myself) but it's something.
 
I was also going to suggest some sort of relationship counselling. I think it can help to bridge that non-communication gap. You can even go separately if you don't want to attend together.

I hope things work out for the better for you both. Limboland is never a good place to be.

A friend wants me to go with her to see 'Notes On A Scandal', but I can't stand Judi Dench. I'll probably end up going anyway, but I always end up wanting to slap her. Perhaps this film will be different...
 
Nice haircut -- and I totally agree with you on Rinko Kikuchi and Adriana Barraza in Babel. They are fantastic. Brad Pitt's not bad. As for counseling, I'm all for it. I personally have benefited, and I strongly believe that it shouldn't be such a big deal to go to a counselor. Everyone needs somebody to listen to their problems.
 
Thank you, ladies.

If I'm honest I would have to say that Lorraine would be utterly mortified and anti discussing our problems with anybody else. I will discuss anything with anybody. Lorraine would also be horrified to discover just how much personal stuff I put into this blog. I don't think she would ever forgive me.

What do you do when somebody doesn't want to talk, or discuss things. We are not throwing things at each other. We get on really well, but it's not how it used to be. It's like we are really good friends.

It's a real problem. Yes, it is.

I have some serious thinking to do. I know that.
 
Tell me if I'm being too blunt, but I think that she needs to see that refusing to have sex or acknowledge that it's a problem is a dealbreaker for most people. That seems very unfair to me. That said, I think if you go to counseling by yourself, the counselor could help you articulate your concerns to Lorraine.
 
Babel was overblown tosh. There were a few good performances that have been mentioned here but really, what redeeming features did any of the characters have?

The story in Japan wasn't too bad, but...

Anyway, something does need to be done and counselling is probably the only real route, it's not like you haven't been patient.

I know sexless couples (variety of reasons) but each partner does still take time to 'please' the other one way or the other. Dealbreaker has already been mentioned I believe.
 
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