Pynchon

I like this quote. I don't know who said it.

"Mohandas K. Gandhi often changed his mind publicly. An aide once asked him how he could so freely contradict this week what he had said just last week. The great man replied that it was because this week he knew better."

I also like this quote. Again, an unknown quotee.

"You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back."

I pat myself on the back a lot. I think that I am awfully clever. I know that I am awfully clever. I am smug, self satisfied and inflexible. I know that I am in the right regardless of how many people think that I am in the wrong. I think that anybody who disagrees with me obviously is not in full possessions of the facts, or is an idiot, plain and simple.

Basically, if you knew me personally for any length of time, I think that you would learn to dislike me a great deal.

On the day before Lorraine and I moved in together, my Mom took Lorraine's hands, kissed her on the cheek and wished her the best of luck, because "You're going to need it, love". My Mom has always said that I am unbearable to live with and that's from somebody who I truly believe loves me.

This evening I've been watching "Brokeback Mountain" on Sky Movies. I've seen it before at the cinema, but it is still an engrossing, astounding and brilliant piece of work. One of my favourite films of the past couple of years. There is a great and real scene when Jake Gyllenhaal says to Heath Ledger, "I wish I knew how to quit you."

Yes. I wish I knew how to quit Lorraine.

I bought Lorraine flowers. Beautiful pale red tulips. I've been pushing things the last couple of days and it has all been to no avail. All it has caused is stress and anger. I wanted to make amends. Lorraine loves flowers and she liked the tulips. She was surprised and I got a kiss.

Did I have an ulterior motive? Did I think that because of the flowers she would want to spend the evening with me and then suggest that she share a bed with me? Of course in my fantasies I hoped that that would happen, but I didn't count on it, and it didn't happen. Lorraine went to bed 10 minutes into "Brokeback Mountain" claiming that she was tired, which was probably true because she went to work today.

And I am here. And I am stuck and upset and angry. Maybe my Mom is right and I am unbearable to live with and I am lucky to have had the time with Lorraine that I have had. My Mom had to put up with me. Somebody else doesn't have to.

This afternoon I went to see "La Science Des Rêves" or "The Science Of Sleep".



Michel Gondry, who directed this, also directed "Endless Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind". That was a great film. I would say that "La Science Des Rêves" is OK, but only that. Thematically it is similar to "Endless Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" in that quite a bit of the plot takes place in the mind of one man, but whereas "Endless Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" was a warm experience, this one is a cold one. Gael Garcia Bernal tries hard, and some of blatantly primitive special effects are quite wonderful, but I just didn't care one way or another. It's a kooky and strange film, and irritating, and is definitely not as good as "Endless Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind".

Maybe I just wasn't in the mood for it. Another day and I might have thought that it was wonderful.

Tomorrow I am going to see Sister 1. Computer stuff to do.

Labels: Lorraine, Movies, Quote, Sex