Pynchon

This is very weird. It seems that the more I delay getting back to Blogging, the more difficult it becomes. I don't suppose it is weird at all. I remember reading that Keith Moon had to relearn how to play the drums every time the Who went back into the studio after an extended layoff, not including the times they were on tour, of course.

Let's get to it. Chronologically. With bad writing and all of that kind of thing.

Thursday 31st August 2006. My Birthday. I was 43.

Firstly, thank you everybody who sent Birthday greetings. It was very much appreciated. For the rest of you who could not be bothered, "May the fleas of a thousand camels, infest your armpits!"

I had 12 cards. They were all awful. Footballers. Racing drivers. Young men smoking pipes and wearing cardigans. Surfing cats. (Eh?) My Niece sent me a card that she had made herself. Inside was a picture of me on the last visit to the cemetery wearing her pink hat, with the wording, "Very camp man".

I did not receive a single present. (Boo!) Actually this was expected. I asked my family to each put towards a Debehams voucher, which they did, and they gave that to me at the meal last Monday. Lorraine had bought me several shirts and tops during the summer, and I only agreed to accept them on the proviso that they would be considered an early Birthday present. She kept to that. Good. She spends too much money on me.

Lorraine took me out to breakfast at the Frankie and Bennys on Tyburn Road. We both had steak and eggs. It was fantastic. The Frankie and Bennys on Tyburn Road is the best Frankie and Bennys I have ever been to. Really nice staff, never too busy and the food is basic but good. On Thursday we had the place to ourselves, except for a family of four who were going to the early showing of some kids film at the Showcase cinema.

After Frankie and Bennys we went to pick up the new computer. Got that home. Sat on the settee for an hour, scared to do anything. Got over that. Dismantled the old computer. Argued. Put together the new computer. Argued. Installed the modem. Installed Blueyonder. Installed the firewall and virus checker. Goto onto the Internet. Surfed porn (Ashlyn Gere - I always quite liked her). Argued.

Lorraine looked hot and sweaty and sexy. She was wearing tight red top. I asked her if she would like to take her top off. She declined. I was only trying to help. She looked a bit warm.

We had intended to go out to have a meal, but we were both a bit tired. Instead I fetched kebab and chips for us both and Lorraine broke open the first of two bottles of champagne. Then, for the first time ever, and probably the last, we ordered a pay-per-view movie from Telewest. The movie was "Factotum" starring Matt Dillon.

I thought "Factotum" was wonderful, silly and ridiculous. It's the story of a wannabe writer. A man who spends his days drinking and smoking and unable to hold down a proper job. (There for the grace of God, thought I.) It was a surrealistic experience and the perfect film to watch while pissed on champagne.

When "Factotum" was over we went to bed. Lorraine played with me for a bit. It was nice. I know she doesn't really like kind of thing, these days.

More tomorrow. It is nearly midnight and I have to go to work tomorrow. (Wank!)