Pynchon

Normal service has been resumed. This weekend I saw two movies.

Yesterday I saw "The Wicker Man". There will be spoilers.



LB once said about me that I do not have any cinema snobbery. I was very pleased with that compliment. I hope that it is true. I do not have any problem whatsoever with remakes or reworkings of classic movies. I hope that I take every film on it's own merits and comment accordingly.

"The Wicker Man" is a reworking of the classic British movie called, er, "The Wicker Man". The original is a stone cold work of genius and is the very definition of a cult movie. When originally released it flopped due to bad timing and distribution, but eventually found it's audience on television and video. I think that it is one of the greatest British movies of all time and is definitely the greatest British horror film of all time. Horrific, strange, atmospheric, erotic and yes, even funny. It is a brilliant piece of work. I don't know if he still feels that way, but Christopher Lee used to describe "The Wicker Man" as the best film he had ever been in. I would probably agree with that.

When I read that "The Wicker Man" was being remade and was to star Nicolas Cage and be directed by Neil La Butte, I was hoping for interesting, if not great things. I have a lot of time for Nicolas Cage, who is nothing less than interesting in every film he has appeared in, and Neil LaBute directed two of my favourite films, "In The Company Of Men" and "The Shape Of Things". Good omens, yes?

No. They shouldn't have bothered. "The Wicker Man" is inferior in nearly every possible way to the original. I would go so far as to say that "The Wicker Man" is probably the worst film I have seen this year; even worse than the Kelly Brook clunker "Three" (hell, I expected that to be terrible).

I liked the changes that made Summerisle a female dominated society. That was interesting and something different, but it didn't go anywhere. I liked the way that the beekeeping subplot gave the hero a built in disadvantage. (He is allergic to bee stings.) I liked the way that the enticing of the hero into the trap had been planned over many years. That was good.

I didn't like practically everything else about the film. I would like to have seen the Christian-Policeman-Who-Is-Still-A-Virgin angle to be kept, but it was completely lost. (Maybe the filmmakers didn't believe an audience would believe a grown man as a virgin? Bollocks. It is all in the casting. If they had cast Jim Caviezel as the cop, I would have believed he was still a virgin. Wouldn't you?) The ex-girlfriend asking for help because her daughter had gone missing? Terrible, cliched nonsense. Then, finding out that the missing girl was actually his daughter? Oh, please... And let's not forget the bad acting. At the climax Nicolas Cage is truly terrible. Compare and contrast to Edward Woodward's performance in the original where his panic and horror feels real and is (pardon the cliche) spine chilling and almost unwatchable.

Waste of time and money. Awful. Don't bother. Actually, no. Bother. Don't take my word for it. Make your own mind up. Maybe you will love it, but dig out the original afterwards and come back here and tell me I am right.

Today I saw "Right At Your Door".



I thought that "Right At Your Door" was a bit overwrought and not particularly engaging (maybe because I didn't like any of the characters), but that it had a killer twist ending that, as the posters' proudly say, you will not see coming. If you take away the whole terrorist chemical attack on Los Angeles angle, which obviously brings it right up to date but is really only a device to get the two main characters into a particular situation, "Right At Your Door" would have worked very well as a half hour, cold war era "Twilight Zone" episode.

Really, that is about it. We have been very busy.

I have been stripping down the old computer so that Sister 3 can take it off my hands. Sister 3 is going to buy the computer, printer and the scanner, that I have never used, off me for three hundred quid. Frankly I think way overpriced for what she will be getting, but Lorraine will not let me give it to her. It works OK, mostly - Windows 98 and all, and will be Sister 3's first computer. I would imagine that a couple of years down the line it will give up the ghost, but hopefully will serve it's purpose until then.

At the same time as pissing about with the old computer I have been installing stuff onto the new computer. Never again...

Yesterday we bought Lorraine a desk from Cookes Furniture Store. It was a bargain. Three hundred quid or so. It was going for considerably more than that, but they were selling the one on display at nearly half price because of the sales were on and also because there was a bit of damage to the back of the desk. Nothing you would even notice, when it is against a wall.

We ate in Cookes Furniture Store's instore restaurant, which was interesting in itself because it was a proper restaurant and not just a halfassed coffee shop selling dry and turned up ham sandwiches and stewed coffee. Also it was packed with people and, except for the waiting staff, Lorraine and I appeared to be about 40 years younger than any other customer. Everybody stopped and stared at us when we entered and I saw some tumbleweed go past the window. I could have sworn that the music over the PA stopped as well, but I cannot confirm that.

Nice chicken and mushroom pie, peas and chips, though.

I have purchased a ticket for Jet at the Carling Academy, the Lemonheads at Wolverhampton Wulfrun Hall and tickets for the Christmas Cole Porter evening at the Symphony Hall. I think that I will allow myself one more gig before Christmas, but what shall it be? Lily Allen? The Cult? The Icicle Works? Babyshambles? Scissor Sisters. Maybe I should limit myself to somebody I have never seen before? Watch this space.

Last night we watched "Star Wars Episode VI: Return Of The Sith" (which was much better than I remembered) and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" (which was about the same). I missed "The X-Factor". My life does not feel less empty for not watching it. I didn't even bother to watch the repeat today.

Today Lorraine was supposed to go to a work colleague's wedding, but felt unwell, so she didn't bother. I had already told her that I was not going to attend. She was annoyed at that. Why didn't I want to go? Stupid reasons, like not being able to fit into my suit, being out of condition, not wanting to smile and prance like a clown with some people I don't like, not wanting to feel uncomfortable all day. Daft things. I like the guy a lot, he is a sound dude, but it was not worth the aggro. I think some of the people at work know my reasons and cannot understand why I would give up the chance to go to a party and have free food. Lorraine thinks that I am skipping out on doing the things that a couple are supposed to do. I am and so is she.

I ask her everyday if she would like to have sex. Most of the time she doesn't even answer me. It is a real problem.

Note to self. Must diet and must try to feel better about myself. Good advice for all of us. Unless you are anorexic, of course.