Pynchon

On Saturday evening I went out with my Brother and his two mates. The expectation of an evening out with my Brother is often more exciting than the reality.

My Brother and Elvis (his mate, who looks exactly like Vin Diesel) drank 12 cans of Carlsberg between them before we had left my Mom's house. I had one can of Carlsberg and that was diluted by some lemonade.

On the way up Broad Street my Brother spied a girl he fucked a couple of times. (Let's call her Sharon.) I mentioned Sharon once before; some of you might remember. Sharon was the one who became a bit obsessed with my Brother. Sharon once turned up at my Mom's house to see my Brother, was let in, went up to his bedroom and refused to leave. My Brother eventually threw her out. On and off since then Sharon has sent my Brother texts and pornographic pictures of herself. She was the kind of lady to leave well alone, I would have thought, but apparently not.

My Brother texted Sharon, there and then, saying that he would meet her in O'Neill's. I got the feeling that he had been keeping in touch with her. I asked my Brother why he texted her. He said that it would "Be a laugh". Actually, no it wouldn't. The one thing about my Brother that I really do not like is that he plays games with women. It's the way he is. Maybe it is a reaction to being brought up mainly by women. He was 8 when our Dad died and he claims not to remember him very much.

In O'Neill's we met up with Donovan; another one of my Brother's friends. Donovan does not speak and is constantly texting and playing games on his phone. Other than the fact that he drinks nothing but Blue WKD'S, he is not very interesting and I will not mention him again.

In O'Neill's I had a lot to drink. In the toilets I saw somebody pissing in the sink. Par for the course, you might say, but not when the toilets are empty. Sharon was also in O'Neill's. My Brother introduced me to her. She seemed OK, but her eyes were all over the place. She had a very intense conversation with my Brother (that I did not hear), called him a Motherfucker (which I did hear) and stomped off to the bar.

We left and went to Reflex.

In Reflex I had a lot to drink. I drank some kind of blue shot drink that tasted like petrol. I was horrified to realise that I knew the lyrics to a lot more shit 80's tunes that I thought I did, but saying that "Wham Rap" was a really great song and so was "I'm Your Man". (Two out of my three sisters were massive Wham fans and played those songs constantly. I suppose that stuff can stick in your head, can't it?)

We stood in a corridor leading to the toilets, away from the music, and watched ladies go by. Two gay ladies blew kisses at us. A caveman went by to have a piss and left his lady in the corridor. My Brother and Elvis were very taken by her. She had on a silver top, was wearing a micro skirt and had fairly nice legs. I didn't see what the fuss was about. Yes, she was nice, but she was skinny. Too thin. Heroin chic. It does nothing for me, although I will admit that Kate Moss is quite nice looking, sometimes.

Back into Reflex. Sharon was at the bar. She spotted us and waved.

We left and went to Flares.

In Flares I had a lot to drink. We had a pitcher of some cocktail called Woo Woo. We finished it off in minutes. I sang along to "I'm A Believer" by the Monkees, which is one of the greatest pop singles of all time. A red Budweiser cowboy hat fell from heaven, so I put it on. Sharon turned up and made a beeline to us. My Brother has a picture in his phone of her leaning over me, tits in my face, mouth near my ear. Sharon said I was better looking than my Brother and asked if I wanted to go back to her place later and fuck her.

Er... No.

My Brother and I left Flares. We went to a chip shop for food.. I got talking to a girl in the queue, who looked about 12 years old, and was wearing a beret. I told her how much I liked her hat. She seemed pleased by that and told me that my shirt was cool. (My shirt is cool. Kind of pyschedelic blue. Lorraine bought it for me.)

I got a taxi home.

Lorraine was in bed, but was still awake. Apparently I started an argument, but I don't remember anything about that. I do remember stripping naked, going downstairs, lying on the settee and watching the end of "Audition" on Film Four, while drinking water and eating bananas. Sometime after 3am I fell asleep. It was light when I woke up (7am?) and actually made it to bed.

I have been a bit fragile today, but no hangover. Thank God for water and bananas. This afternoon I was well enough to go out to see "Severance", but I won't write about that now because at this moment I just want to go to bed and that is what I am going to do.

Family meal tomorrow. Pray for me and my bank account.