Thursday, April 20, 2006
Two days off the blog, the world turns and lives carry on without me. How dare you! Don't you know that I am the centre of the Universe?
Where was I? Short version. It's all history anyway.
On Tuesday we went to visit Lorraine's Aunt Zelda. We had an early start. We were in a taxi at 7am, at Digbeth Coach Station at 7:10am and on the coach at 7:15am. It was an uneventful journey. I didn't take a book or my MP3 player, so I slept most of the way. We took the bus from Golders Green to Kingsbury and then walked to Zelda's house. Zelda will be 86 years old very soon but looks younger. At the moment she is a healthy old lady. There was a point before Christmas where she definitely was not a healthy old lady. She had lost weight and had difficulty moving around. Obviously the prescription of fresh virgin's blood has done her the world of good.
The house was warm. The conversation was boring. I had just eaten some stale M&S sandwiches that Lorraine had purchased late on Monday. I had nothing to do. I had already read Zelda's Daily Mirror, which was incredibly tedious, and as they didn't like the opening episode of the new series of "Doctor Who", obviously written by clowns. Of course I fell asleep in the chair. Nobody seemed to notice.
Zelda's brother (Big Ted) turned up. I had heard about Big Ted. He is a man who is very sure of his position in the world and the rightness of his opinions. A man with all of the correct ideas. A man who always does the right things. A man who is never wrong.
Big Ted seemed ruffled by the presence of another man in the house. He had to counter the threat. He went into overdrive. You want examples? Of course you do.
He told me that he often worked an 80 hour week.
He told me that when he ran his department (I didn't catch his occupation) he ran it with a rod of iron and would frequently sack people who were even 1 minute late.
He told me that he could drink any man under the table and still get up for work the next day.
He told me that when he started as an apprentice he would often get up at 5am, walk 5 miles to work, do a full days work and walk 5 miles home.
He always shaved in cold water because using hot water was a waste of energy.
In his earlier days he had a t-shirt with a big "S" on the front and would fly around fighting crime. (I made that last one up.)
I took an instant dislike to him, but I said nothing. I was a guest. When we left I told Lorraine what I thought. Boorish and tedious and Big Head, not Big Ted. She was offended by this. She said that I shouldn't talk about her family like that. I suppose she was right, but she has said worse things about my family, especially my middle Sister.
I slept on the coach on the way home. Just as well. Lorraine didn't want to talk.
Tuesday we went out for lunch with the lovely Lana Blue at Bushwackers in the city centre. (Nice place, Bushwackers. I had never been there before.) I think I have mentioned Lana before. Lana has turquoise eyes. She is married to Lorraine's ex-boss, used to work at the Company with us and is probably Lorraine's best friend. (Lorraine doesn't do the whole 'Best Friend' thing, so this is a very special thing which I normally try very hard not to get in the middle of, but I was invited.) Lorraine bought Lana some flowers. (?!?!?*? Exactly.) I was carrying the flowers when we met up with Lana. I gave her the flowers I asked her to marry me. Lana said that it was a kind thought, but that she was already married and would have to decline.
It was a nice hour and a half. Bushwackers serve pretty generic food, truth be told. Burgers, chips, steaks, blah, blah, blah, but the portions were large and it was tasty enough. There was a lot of chat about work. The place that Lana now works for uses the Company's software (probably how she got the job) and are finding it wanting in the extreme. Lana was very happy to hear that Lorraine is now running part of the show.
During the afternoon we had a wander around town and then went home and watched "Sin City" on DVD. I still think that it is a really good movie, but I don't know how I missed exactly how bad Brittany Murphy is in that film. Shudder.
After that, I don't remember what happened. I know that we ate chicken and vegetables and watched "50 First Dates" on Sky Movies, but after that it blurs. I think Kerry Katona was hosting some terrible "50 Best Television Windups" on Channel 5. We might have watched that until the end.
Today. Lorraine went to Nottingham early to visit her friend Dolores Rat. (Witch!) Lorraine will be back later.
All alone I decided to do the healthy thing and walk into town instead of getting the bus. The bus takes 20 minutes. By the time I had walked to town it had taken me an hour and a half, I was in fucking agony and could barely walk. But I had managed it. Hurrah! I celebrated with a bacon and mushroom baguette from Asterias. Not really the healthy choice, but I had skipped breakfast, so fuck you.
I don't feel thin. Do I need to do this frequently?
I went to the cinema and picked the first film I had not seen that was about to start. God forgive me. I saw "Scary Movie 4".
I'm sure that I laughed. Er... Yes. I'm sure I did. Just the once. What was the joke? I cannot remember. Sorry.
What did I think? That's me on the right.
"Scary Movie 4" is just awful. Pants. Terrible. Shit. Diabolical. (I could go on like this all day.) Bad. Oh so Bad. (And not Bad for Good, you hipsters.) According to IMDB it is number one in the States and number two in the UK at the moment! Good for them. Enjoy it if you can. What do I know about good movies? Obviously nothing.
I suppose that I had better go and eat something. My feet hurt me and I stink. I think I will have a bath.
Before I forget. Lorraine's cousin had the results from the sample taken out of the lump on her breast. She has been given the all clear. Good news.
Where was I? Short version. It's all history anyway.
On Tuesday we went to visit Lorraine's Aunt Zelda. We had an early start. We were in a taxi at 7am, at Digbeth Coach Station at 7:10am and on the coach at 7:15am. It was an uneventful journey. I didn't take a book or my MP3 player, so I slept most of the way. We took the bus from Golders Green to Kingsbury and then walked to Zelda's house. Zelda will be 86 years old very soon but looks younger. At the moment she is a healthy old lady. There was a point before Christmas where she definitely was not a healthy old lady. She had lost weight and had difficulty moving around. Obviously the prescription of fresh virgin's blood has done her the world of good.
The house was warm. The conversation was boring. I had just eaten some stale M&S sandwiches that Lorraine had purchased late on Monday. I had nothing to do. I had already read Zelda's Daily Mirror, which was incredibly tedious, and as they didn't like the opening episode of the new series of "Doctor Who", obviously written by clowns. Of course I fell asleep in the chair. Nobody seemed to notice.
Zelda's brother (Big Ted) turned up. I had heard about Big Ted. He is a man who is very sure of his position in the world and the rightness of his opinions. A man with all of the correct ideas. A man who always does the right things. A man who is never wrong.
Big Ted seemed ruffled by the presence of another man in the house. He had to counter the threat. He went into overdrive. You want examples? Of course you do.
He told me that he often worked an 80 hour week.
He told me that when he ran his department (I didn't catch his occupation) he ran it with a rod of iron and would frequently sack people who were even 1 minute late.
He told me that he could drink any man under the table and still get up for work the next day.
He told me that when he started as an apprentice he would often get up at 5am, walk 5 miles to work, do a full days work and walk 5 miles home.
He always shaved in cold water because using hot water was a waste of energy.
In his earlier days he had a t-shirt with a big "S" on the front and would fly around fighting crime. (I made that last one up.)
I took an instant dislike to him, but I said nothing. I was a guest. When we left I told Lorraine what I thought. Boorish and tedious and Big Head, not Big Ted. She was offended by this. She said that I shouldn't talk about her family like that. I suppose she was right, but she has said worse things about my family, especially my middle Sister.
I slept on the coach on the way home. Just as well. Lorraine didn't want to talk.
Tuesday we went out for lunch with the lovely Lana Blue at Bushwackers in the city centre. (Nice place, Bushwackers. I had never been there before.) I think I have mentioned Lana before. Lana has turquoise eyes. She is married to Lorraine's ex-boss, used to work at the Company with us and is probably Lorraine's best friend. (Lorraine doesn't do the whole 'Best Friend' thing, so this is a very special thing which I normally try very hard not to get in the middle of, but I was invited.) Lorraine bought Lana some flowers. (?!?!?*? Exactly.) I was carrying the flowers when we met up with Lana. I gave her the flowers I asked her to marry me. Lana said that it was a kind thought, but that she was already married and would have to decline.
It was a nice hour and a half. Bushwackers serve pretty generic food, truth be told. Burgers, chips, steaks, blah, blah, blah, but the portions were large and it was tasty enough. There was a lot of chat about work. The place that Lana now works for uses the Company's software (probably how she got the job) and are finding it wanting in the extreme. Lana was very happy to hear that Lorraine is now running part of the show.
During the afternoon we had a wander around town and then went home and watched "Sin City" on DVD. I still think that it is a really good movie, but I don't know how I missed exactly how bad Brittany Murphy is in that film. Shudder.
After that, I don't remember what happened. I know that we ate chicken and vegetables and watched "50 First Dates" on Sky Movies, but after that it blurs. I think Kerry Katona was hosting some terrible "50 Best Television Windups" on Channel 5. We might have watched that until the end.
Today. Lorraine went to Nottingham early to visit her friend Dolores Rat. (Witch!) Lorraine will be back later.
All alone I decided to do the healthy thing and walk into town instead of getting the bus. The bus takes 20 minutes. By the time I had walked to town it had taken me an hour and a half, I was in fucking agony and could barely walk. But I had managed it. Hurrah! I celebrated with a bacon and mushroom baguette from Asterias. Not really the healthy choice, but I had skipped breakfast, so fuck you.
I don't feel thin. Do I need to do this frequently?
I went to the cinema and picked the first film I had not seen that was about to start. God forgive me. I saw "Scary Movie 4".
I'm sure that I laughed. Er... Yes. I'm sure I did. Just the once. What was the joke? I cannot remember. Sorry.
What did I think? That's me on the right.
"Scary Movie 4" is just awful. Pants. Terrible. Shit. Diabolical. (I could go on like this all day.) Bad. Oh so Bad. (And not Bad for Good, you hipsters.) According to IMDB it is number one in the States and number two in the UK at the moment! Good for them. Enjoy it if you can. What do I know about good movies? Obviously nothing.
I suppose that I had better go and eat something. My feet hurt me and I stink. I think I will have a bath.
Before I forget. Lorraine's cousin had the results from the sample taken out of the lump on her breast. She has been given the all clear. Good news.
# posted by Pynchon @ 5:03 pm 
Comments:
<< Home
I didn't even know they'd made a 'Scary Movie 4'. Shocking. The first one was somewhat amusing, but the other two were awful. And, yet, they continue to churn them out? Egads. Hollywood really is losing the plot.
Big Ted sounds like a twat. Nothing wrong with talking about family like that as long as it remains between you. You do have to deal with these people for ever.
There are a few twats in my family, I just use the smile and nod technique perfected during A-level chemistry.
There are a few twats in my family, I just use the smile and nod technique perfected during A-level chemistry.
Have you checked out "Thank You For Smoking" yet? That was a pretty decent picture and I'm happy I won the Thank You For Smoking v. Scary Movie 4 debate with my friend...
Maybe you should get Ted neutered to stop him needing to assert himself as the alpha male?? Just a suggestion. A couple of bricks should do the trick.
Post a Comment
<< Home
