Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Blip. Glitch. Writers' block. I don't know what you want to call it, but I couldn't write last night. Too much has gone down. Let's just get to it.
Vicky Sunshine is leaving the Company. She has got herself another job. I am pleased for her, really I am, but it does mean that I may not ever see her again. I am sorry about that. I am not the kind of guy who keeps in touch with people when they leave. I am sorry about that as well.
For those late arrivals, when I was somebody else and Vicky was somebody else, I had quite a thing for Vicky Sunshine. Totally unrequited, of course. Vicky was my fantasy and my friend. We sat next to each other for a couple of years and we flirted outrageously and discussed films and music and drugs. Every day I admired her tits (of course!), her sense of humour, her grace, her beauty and her warmth. She was the perfect girlfriend, except she was somebody else's girlfriend. I had a nice girlfriend in Lorraine, but Lorraine and I were having problems. It was a bad time. Lorraine had her hysterectomy and then her Mom died. We had no physical relations for over a year, and when we did, it was bad. Bad, bad time. Even now I don't want to think about it.
In lots of ways things got better between myself and Lorraine. Vicky moved to another department. I saw Vicky now and again and always I got a thump in my chest.
How can I put this? I love Lorraine an awful lot, but even now I don't know what my reaction would be if Vicky were to call me up to offer a strings free fuck. I hope that I would say No, but I don't know that I would. I am vile and I am disgusting, but that is why I am going to miss Vicky Sunshine. Is that lust? Or is that unrequited love? Aren't they just different sides of the same coin?
I am hoping, out of sight, out of mind. Yes, I hope that.
There have been redundancies at work. It was expected. Lorraine and I survived, but 60% of the programming staff on the product that Lorraine looks after have gone. Except for one guy I have known for 14 years (we worked together at my last Company), the lot of them were a bunch of fuckwits and wouldn't know good programming if it turned up, bit them on the arse and said, "Hi there! I'm good programming". Interestingly enough, the Indian development section (in India) has survived, not because they are better (they are a different shade of fuckwit), but because they are cheap.
Jobs for British fuckwits! That's what I say. (Is it racist to wants jobs to stay in Britain? If it is, then I am a racist.)
We know where this is going. Sooner or later, once the Indian operation is up and running, the Company will bid adieu to the rest of the programming staff and then they will lay their beady, alien eyes on the support section. I imagine that once India has been trained up to support the product, it will all be over. I will be OK until the old product is gone, because I am the only person supporting that, but Lorraine will be fucked and so will a few other people.
I hate the coldness of business. I hate the arrogance and the playing with people's lives. Is there an alternative? I know... I'll go and live in a field like a hippie! No. Oh, fuck it then.
On Sunday I went to see "Capote".
To be honest, I never knew that much about Truman Capote. I knew of "Breakfast At Tiffany's" and "In Cold Blood", and that after the publication of the latter book he retreated into an existence as a vacuous celebrity and never published again.
The film is terrific and Phillip Seymour Hoffman is astounding (he should win the Oscar, but it's difficult to call with Heath Ledger on the same ballot and, possibly, Joaquin Phoenix coming through the middle) which is all the more interesting because I absolutely loathed the character of Truman Capote. Selfish, manipulative, mannered, precious and a liar. I felt more sympathy for the murderers. I read a short review of "Capote" today in which they said that the film is all about how Truman Capote was destroyed by the writing of "In Cold Blood". I didn't quite see it that way. In my opinion his persona was made by the writing of "In Cold Blood". Anyway, it's a great film. Totally engrossing, chilling and eerie.
Vicky Sunshine is leaving the Company. She has got herself another job. I am pleased for her, really I am, but it does mean that I may not ever see her again. I am sorry about that. I am not the kind of guy who keeps in touch with people when they leave. I am sorry about that as well.
For those late arrivals, when I was somebody else and Vicky was somebody else, I had quite a thing for Vicky Sunshine. Totally unrequited, of course. Vicky was my fantasy and my friend. We sat next to each other for a couple of years and we flirted outrageously and discussed films and music and drugs. Every day I admired her tits (of course!), her sense of humour, her grace, her beauty and her warmth. She was the perfect girlfriend, except she was somebody else's girlfriend. I had a nice girlfriend in Lorraine, but Lorraine and I were having problems. It was a bad time. Lorraine had her hysterectomy and then her Mom died. We had no physical relations for over a year, and when we did, it was bad. Bad, bad time. Even now I don't want to think about it.
In lots of ways things got better between myself and Lorraine. Vicky moved to another department. I saw Vicky now and again and always I got a thump in my chest.
How can I put this? I love Lorraine an awful lot, but even now I don't know what my reaction would be if Vicky were to call me up to offer a strings free fuck. I hope that I would say No, but I don't know that I would. I am vile and I am disgusting, but that is why I am going to miss Vicky Sunshine. Is that lust? Or is that unrequited love? Aren't they just different sides of the same coin?
I am hoping, out of sight, out of mind. Yes, I hope that.
There have been redundancies at work. It was expected. Lorraine and I survived, but 60% of the programming staff on the product that Lorraine looks after have gone. Except for one guy I have known for 14 years (we worked together at my last Company), the lot of them were a bunch of fuckwits and wouldn't know good programming if it turned up, bit them on the arse and said, "Hi there! I'm good programming". Interestingly enough, the Indian development section (in India) has survived, not because they are better (they are a different shade of fuckwit), but because they are cheap.
Jobs for British fuckwits! That's what I say. (Is it racist to wants jobs to stay in Britain? If it is, then I am a racist.)
We know where this is going. Sooner or later, once the Indian operation is up and running, the Company will bid adieu to the rest of the programming staff and then they will lay their beady, alien eyes on the support section. I imagine that once India has been trained up to support the product, it will all be over. I will be OK until the old product is gone, because I am the only person supporting that, but Lorraine will be fucked and so will a few other people.
I hate the coldness of business. I hate the arrogance and the playing with people's lives. Is there an alternative? I know... I'll go and live in a field like a hippie! No. Oh, fuck it then.
On Sunday I went to see "Capote".
To be honest, I never knew that much about Truman Capote. I knew of "Breakfast At Tiffany's" and "In Cold Blood", and that after the publication of the latter book he retreated into an existence as a vacuous celebrity and never published again.
The film is terrific and Phillip Seymour Hoffman is astounding (he should win the Oscar, but it's difficult to call with Heath Ledger on the same ballot and, possibly, Joaquin Phoenix coming through the middle) which is all the more interesting because I absolutely loathed the character of Truman Capote. Selfish, manipulative, mannered, precious and a liar. I felt more sympathy for the murderers. I read a short review of "Capote" today in which they said that the film is all about how Truman Capote was destroyed by the writing of "In Cold Blood". I didn't quite see it that way. In my opinion his persona was made by the writing of "In Cold Blood". Anyway, it's a great film. Totally engrossing, chilling and eerie.
# posted by Pynchon @ 10:15 pm 
Comments:
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Phillip Seymour Hoffman is a fantastic actor. I like him from the first film I saw him in (I think it was twister). His best performance was in "Flawless" (in my opinion). An excellent film - if you haven't seen it's a must.
I know you really liked (lusted) Vicky, but it probably never would have worked out anyway. Concentrate on Lorraine... it sounds as though things have calmed down a bit between the two of you. At least I hope so.
You survived the cuts at work! Are you suffering from survivor's guilt now?
I know you really liked (lusted) Vicky, but it probably never would have worked out anyway. Concentrate on Lorraine... it sounds as though things have calmed down a bit between the two of you. At least I hope so.
You survived the cuts at work! Are you suffering from survivor's guilt now?
I lusted over a fellow worker. I thought we had something, but it wasn't to be. Her ex-boyfriend was working in the same place I was. Which was ultimately bad news.
Two things.
1) It's not wrong to have the hots for someone other than your partner, it indicates a loss of desire. If you still have desire but choose to stay with your partner that shows more love and commitment than just staying with them because you can't be arsed.
2) Outsourcing is always going to be a fact of life now, be it to India or Wales or where ever. Not sure it's racist, just patriotic. However, my company makes millions from outsourcing and the model they now use is an 80/20 model with 20% of the work, mainly the high-level stuff, done onshore. 100% offshoring just doesn't work because of the disconnect. If your company offshores some of their work, fine. If they do all of it they will be screwing themselves further down the line. Projects will fail. Big time
1) It's not wrong to have the hots for someone other than your partner, it indicates a loss of desire. If you still have desire but choose to stay with your partner that shows more love and commitment than just staying with them because you can't be arsed.
2) Outsourcing is always going to be a fact of life now, be it to India or Wales or where ever. Not sure it's racist, just patriotic. However, my company makes millions from outsourcing and the model they now use is an 80/20 model with 20% of the work, mainly the high-level stuff, done onshore. 100% offshoring just doesn't work because of the disconnect. If your company offshores some of their work, fine. If they do all of it they will be screwing themselves further down the line. Projects will fail. Big time
I thought the murderers were much more sympathetic than Capote. It was disturbing to see how much the movie mirrors what all journalists do, to a certain degree. Capote's much dodgier than most of us, but we all try to gain the trust of sources. And some of them tell us things even when it's not in their best interest, and many of us allow that to happen, even when we know better. Ok, I feel like a real sleaze now.
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