Pynchon

I said that I would write about the team meeting that took place on Thursday.

Our team meetings are never very interesting. Orville Turd emails us an agenda (which I only ever glance at) a couple of days before the meeting. We go into the meeting. I always take a plastic cup of water, which I drink quickly. I then put the cup over my mouth, suck so that it sticks to my face and pretend to play the piano. (British comedy genius Eric Morecambe used to do it. Remember?) Orville goes through the agenda. Comments are made on each point of the agenda. Some people talk a lot (me and Ginger Foghorn) and some people never say anything (Larry Skin and Bill Broad). The toss is argued. Sometimes Orville will lose his temper when he is getting criticism. Often he will say his favourite phrase, which is "There's nothing I can do about it". The meeting will finish. We will go back to our desks. Nothing done. Nothing achieved. A couple of hours away from our desks. (Nice!) Boring. Predictable. Nothing. Also I have never, ever had any actions allocated to me as a result of one of the team meetings, which I suppose is good.

On Thursday we trooped along to Suite 2 and were confronted by James Cunt, departmental manager and growth, already in the room. Orville Turd was surprised.

"I didn't know you were going to be here?", said Orville.

"I thought that I would sit in today", said Cunt.

What was he there for? I think that he was there to intimidate us. Perhaps Orville had said that our team meetings never went well and that he was not getting the respect due to a manager. Perhaps he felt that somebody senior in the room would lead to a more constructive meeting. Perhaps the negativity that always rose up would be reduced. He was wrong. The meeting started and we (and I am surprised to say it, but a few people backed me up) ripped the agenda, Orville, Cunt and the attitude of the company to shreds.

Funnily enough it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I was expecting the line, "Well if you don't like it here, why don't you go and work somewhere else?" but that was never said. Cunt listened, digested and argued his case on various points (I suppose that he had to), but he was lost the argument every time and he knew it. With regard to the telephone answering technique I said that this was "trivial messing about" and we should be spending our time on something constructive like getting the development and testing cycle correct. He argued that it was crucially important how the customer perceived us on their first contact. True, but I asked him how he felt we were doing it wrong at the moment. I also commented that by the very nature of our business a scripted phone response would more than likely to piss off any customers ringing in. I also pointed out that Lloyds TSB had just announced that their help desk people but no longer be using a rehearsed script when they answered the phone due to the annoyance it was causing their customers.

All left open. No decisions made. After saying that he (Cunt) hoped to be more hands on in 2006 (Oh, fuck No!), and saying that he was personally disappointed with his own performance in 2005 (surely not!) and that he hoped to do better in 2006, he left the meeting.

I said in a previous post that things were changing. Oh, yes. The second after Cunt left the meeting, Orville told us that he (Orville) had handed in his notice. I am reading between the lines here, but it seems that that the team leaders meeting he attended on Tuesday was a bit of a finger pointing exercise, with the finger most definitely being pointed at him. Orville did not feel he was getting the support he wanted (from mangers or team) and he decided that enough was enough. He had quit before, and was convinced to stay, but that was a cry for help that had not been heeded. He said that during the 3 months he has left he will be a "pain in the ass" to the development and testing teams. I asked him why he couldn't be a "pain in the ass" to the development and testing teams and still keep his job, but he declined to answer that.

Lorraine asked me if she should go for Orville's job. I told her that she should. She would be a good choice. It might kill us, of course... I have complained long and hard about the amount of time she spends at work, but who am I to stand in her way? Upwards and onwards is my Lorraine, unlike myself who feels sometimes that he is going downwards and downwards. I wish I gave a fuck about work. Really I do. But I don't.

Lorraine is naughty as well. On Friday she went into work wearing a necklace with the letter "M" as the centerpiece. It was her Mom's. (Her Mom's name was Marilyn.) She said that if anybody were to question her as to the meaning of the letter "M" she would say that it stood for manager.

A bit later today we are going out to see "The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe" at the Electric Cinema. It will be nice to go out to see a film together. It is an early evening showing, as well. Pynchon and Lorraine out after dark. Whatever next?

Lorraine wants to watch "Kill Bill 2" later on Sky Movies. I cannot say that the thought fills me with excitement. I didn't like it much. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Not as good as "Kill Bill 1".