Monday, January 23, 2006
Today I have been at home. Somehow I have managed to accumulate holiday days, and I have to take them before the end of March, so there you are. I've been busy. I got up at 9am, had some cereal, did last night's washing up, hoovered the entire house, had a wank to some Jenna Jameson opus, took my coat to the cleaners, bought fish, chips and steak and kidney pie and went home and ate the lot (fat bastard!) while watching the midday news. Then I fell asleep. I woke up about 20 minutes ago. I am kind of disgusted with myself. I didn't have a plan for today, but if I had had a plan, it would not have been the above. Lorraine is on the early shift today and I am expecting her back by about 4pm. We intend to go out later to see Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon in "A Cock And Bull Story". It looks good.
Yesterday I had a religious encounter in town.
I left the house in a bit of a strop. The reason? It's a long story involving the TV series "Murder She Wrote", a guest star appearing in the "Murder She Wrote" episode that was shown on one of the cable channels yesterday, other series that the guest star may have been a regular in, Pynchon's hilarity at Lorraine's suggestion that this guest star actually played Oscar Goldman in "The Six Million Dollar Man" (No, he fucking didn't. Oscar Goldman was played by the legendary Richard Anderson), Lorraine's anger at the Pynchon's hilarity, Lorraine's insistence on looking up the identity of the guest star on the "Murder She Wrote" entry on IMDB, Pynchon's alarm at Lorraine actually touching his computer, Lorraine failing to boot up the computer after several attempts, Pynchon booting up the computer on his first attempt (obviously having the magic touch), Lorraine looking up "Murder She Wrote" and finding the name of the guest star (Don Galloway, who was one of the sidekicks in "Ironside") and finally Lorraine saying that "Well, he looks like fucking Richard Anderson and what does it matter anyway?" and wandering away with a smug look on her face.
Got all that? Believe me, I was pissed off. Sometimes I hate the cow. I left the house with a can of red bull, drank the lot in one go and got on the bus. I had to stop myself from clenching my fists and grinding my teeth.
In town my first stop was the fine emporium that is W H Smiths where I picked up two newspapers, the News Of The World for the free "Highlander" DVD and the Observer for the free "Dune" DVD. (And no, I do not read those newspapers, but I figured that the paper would come in useful for the cat litter. The only newspaper I read is the free Metro on the bus in the morning.)
I got onto the high street, still faintly annoyed, intending to go to Dixons to price up computers for Top Sister. Then I saw something, a red mist descended, and I lost my mind for a moment. What did I see? It was a Hari Krishner (mid 20's?) and he was going through the technique to extract some money from a young lad (16/17?) and his lady (a little younger) on the street.
This is the Hari Krishner technique.
- Approach someone unawares. (Lots of people walk around in a daze. We all do at different times. I certainly do. It's easy to get near somebody without them noticing.)
- Give them a big smile. (Happy people are nice people. Apparently Hitler and Stalin both had beautiful smiles.)
- Give them a book. (The person will take it. Mostly people always do. I read somewhere that only 1% of the population will not take something that is handed to them for fear of giving offence to the person doing the handing out.)
- Tell them how friendly the people in Birmingham (or Manchester or London or Cardiff, etc.) are. (Are you going to disagree and say that they are all cunts?)
- Refuse to take the book back. (Make your hands busy. Put your hands behind your back. Stand sideways on, so that it is not easy for the mark to hand the book back.)
- Get a donation to pay for the interesting book.
- Take their money... and onto the next sucker.
This happened to me once, but I did not part with any money. I think I was lucky, or maybe I was in a bad mood that day, but when the friendly, happy, colourfully dressed child of God would not take the book back, I dropped it on the floor and got the fuck out of there. Many a time, while out and about in town, I have seen this scenario unfold. I have never interfered before as it was never any of my business. I interfered yesterday.
I walked over. I tapped the young lad on the shoulder. He was holding a book. I said, "You don't have to take this off him." I took the book out of his hands. I turned to the Hari Krishner. I said, "Take your fucking book." He said something, but I didn't hear it properly. The Hari Krishner seemed agitated. I said again, "Take your fucking book." He said, "There's no problem here", but he didn't take the book back. I dropped the book on the floor. I turned back to the young lad and his lady (who was wearing a quite tight crop top that really made her boobs... Sorry, getting distracted here) and told them to "Go now!" at which they practically sprinted away from the looney (me). I then turned to the Hari Krishner and said, "And you should be fucking ashamed of yourself" and turned and left, leaving the chaos behind me. I was very happy for the rest of the afternoon, my civic duty well and truly having been done.
Yesterday afternoon I went to see "Jarhead". Now, don't get me wrong, I thought that "Jarhead" was a good film, enjoyable, well directed and well acted (Jake Gyllenhaal is one of the most interesting actors working today), but the story and characters were a cliche and it has all been done before. This makes me really sad. "Jarhead" is based on a memoir by the writer Anthony Swofford of his experiences in Gulf War I and if the film is really true to his experiences, and accurately portrayed, then that makes his story a cliche. I don't suppose if I had lived through those things, and had the discipline to remember and put them down on paper truthfully, that I would like a snotty git like me calling my true story a cliche. I heard that "Jarhead" has had mixed reviews. What was the box office in the States? Did it do very well?
What else? Nothing much. Saturday was spent at work in the morning, which was not very interesting except that Lorraine managed to piss off the guy who was working with me when he turned up late (he always does) by saying that we were putting bets on how late he was going to be. Later we were out and about pricing up computers for Top Sister. I'm not impressed greatly impressed with what was on offer at Dixons or Currys, but Comet has some good deals. I just need to do some cross checking online and at other outlets.
And now... To the ironing board. Will the excitement ever cease?
How on earth did you eat fish, chips and a pie? The Mrs and I share a fish and chips and are stuffed afterwards...
The only encounter I ever had with Hari Krishna's was while in College. They came to recruit (not me). I've never seen them in my city since then (and it was a long time ago).
I don't think Jarhead was a huge success here. I know that all my sister had to say about it was "It was okay."
And well done to you, sir, for making a stand. I once accepted a book from a Hare Krishna adherent and walked off without paying him a penny. Good decision it was, too: the book was boring.
I guess the only setback is that you'll have to wait for it to be delivered and if there is anything wrong then you won't get to vent your fury at some acne-ridden teenager in Dixons, instead you'll have to send it back. damn
It's quite easy to eat fish and chips and pie when you are a FAT BASTARD.
I feel quite disturbed about my loss of control and the whole Hari Krishner incident, to be honest. Perhaps I am more like my Dad and my Brother than I would like to think I am. (Both throw punches first, ask questions later kind of guys.) After all, it was none of my business and people need to learn from their own mistakes.
adem, thanks for the heads up. I will have a look at both of those sites.
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