Pynchon

"So here it is, Merry Christmas!"
"Everybody's having fun."
"Look to the future now,"
"It's only just beguuuuun!"

God bless you, Slade. I love that song.

I hope that the second line of that lyric applies to everybody in that you have had, are having or are about to have (depending on your timezone, of course) the craic. I am having the craic. Except for a cup of tea first thing (Lorraine having got me up at the obscene hour of 8am because "Santa has visited") I have drunk nothing soft all day. Bucks Fizz, wine, coffee with some kind of Irish creamy liqueur added to it. It has all gone down the same way. When Lorraine has finished in the bath (and she's in there now, soaping up her bosoms. Excuse me a second while I go and have a look. [Pynchon leaves and returns with a massive erection.] Hah... That was nice.) she is going to get me some water. Water? I don't drink water. Fish fuck in water. (And thank you W. C. Fields for that comment.) Lorraine says that I need water.

I am losing control of my thoughts. Where was I going with this? Oh, yes. Presents. These are the presents that I got this year.

"Madagascar" on DVD. (I think Lorraine actually wanted this for herself. We will be watching this after "Doctor Who" this evening.)
A calendar with lots of pictures of Sharks. (??? I don't know.)
A calendar with lots of pictures of Kittens. (??? My Brother. Fuck knows.)
Burtons, W H Smiths and Debenhams vouchers.
"I, Claudius" on DVD. (Brilliant, fantastic, Derek Jacobi's finest hour, etc.)
John Peel's autobiography. (Twice.)
"TV Heaven" by Jim Sangster and Paul Connell. (A really good TV dictionary, but they apparently have never heard of "Alias" and are of the impression that John Hurt and not William Hurt starred in the movie version of "Lost In Space").
A black jumper. (Too big. Is Lorraine's Dad trying to tell me something?)
A movie game called Reminicising. (Sic.)
Adidas shower gel and body spray set. (So uncool that it goes beyond cool.)
A "Doctor Who" annual. (Meant for 12 years olds, so the perfect present for me.)
The Beach Boys Christmas Album. (A classic of it's kind.)
"Extras" on DVD.
"The Prisoner" on DVD.
"Drop The Dead Donkey" on DVD.
A Creative Zen MP3 player. (Holds potentially 10,000 tracks!)
A Ben Sherman Pen and Key Ring set. (Very cool.)

and finally...

A posing pouch made out of sweets and a vibrating cock ring. Indeed. I will endeavor to make use of them later.

Gotta go. It's time to make the rounds of my friends on the Blogoverse. Then I have got to put the vegetables on.

Again, Merry Christmas to everybody who has ever bothered to read these incoherent blatherings. I have said it before, but I will say it again.

You are all very cool.