Pynchon

2008-03-02T22:20:00.004Z

Potential security breach at Pynchon Towers.

So... I am taking myself elsewhere.

There will be a new blog. Anybody who is interested, please email me and I will let you know where I am. The email address will be monitored for the next month or so. Everybody else, you may well start to get comments from somebody you have never heard of before.

I suppose this is my second regeneration. I don't mind. I always kind of liked Jon Pertwee.

Pynchon signing off.

It's been great.

2008-02-29T17:01:00.001Z

Hangover.

The Cult were great, by the way. Here's something to keep you going, while I recover.

2008-02-28T11:12:00.003Z

"Juno".

There will be a spoiler or two, so please feel free the skip the rest of this. It's only me babbling on.

This may sound like an awful fudge, but I am not exactly sure how to take "Juno".

On the one hand "Juno" is really funny, has some great performances (especially from Ellen Page, Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner) and perfectly picks up on the idiom of smart teenage slang. On the other hand, the story that unfolds is all very nice and neat and tidy, and not nearly conflicted or dramatic enough.

For instance...

Yes, I know it was only a plot device to prevent Juno from going ahead with the termination (no pregnancy, no movie!), but was it really necessary to paint the abortion clinic in such an unpleasant light? Very cliched, very dull and certainly not the experience I had, a few years ago, when I accompanied Sister 3 to a similar establishment. It made it too easy for Juno to make the decision that she did.

At the end, would a girl like Juno really have just given up her baby without a second thought, or a glance backwards? Would she have immediately have taken back up with the boy who made her pregnant? What about his feelings? Or his Mother's?

What about her parents? They more or less just agreed straight away with what she wanted to do? Way, way too understanding and I didn't believe it. Juno is a smart mouthed, but nice, 16 years old girl. What does a 16 year old girl know, or boy for that matter?

I am writing as though I didn't enjoy "Juno", but that is incorrect. I did enjoy "Juno", but it could have been much more than a kooky, feelgood, idiosyncratic movie.

********

Films all done. Phew. Was it worth it?

Don't really care. Worth it for me.

I am out tonight to watch the Cult. I have some chores to do.

Ciao Baby.

2008-02-28T10:24:00.004Z

"The Diving Bell And The Butterfly" or "Le Scaphandre Et Le Papillon".

On Monday night I was watching the Oscars. (Well, I was, until Virgin or Sky pulled the plug on the coverage at 4am. Cheers guys!) One of the talking heads was discussing the fact that neither "Le Scaphandre Et Le Papillon" or "La Vie En Rose" were on the shortlist for Best Foreign Language movie. It was explained that the Academy rules dictated that every foreign country choose a single movie to represent them, and that neither "Le Scaphandre Et Le Papillon" or "La Vie En Rose" were considered suitable or good enough to represent the great French nation.

Le grandees français de film est tels idiots.

I cannot comment on "La Vie En Rose". I have never seen it, and so should not express an opinion one way or another on the quality of that movie, but I have no doubt that if it had been eligible, "Le Scaphandre Et Le Papillon" would have won the Best Foreign film Oscar. It is a wonderful film.

The film details the struggles of the French writer Jean-Dominique Bauby who, at the age of 42, became victim to Locked-in Syndrome. That is, nearly complete paralysis, except for the ability to control his left eyelid. After a method is devised to allow Bauby to communicate by moving his eyelid, he decides to fulfil the commitment made, prior to his illness, to write a book.

Strange as it may sound, and shot through with frequent despair it may be, but this is a feelgood movie. Through his memories and his imagination Bauby roams freely through time and space. Memories of good times with his wife and children, his beautiful mistress (the gorgeous Marina Hands) and fantasies of the Empress Eugénie de Montijo, wife of Napoleon III. Bauby is not a saintly figure. He is sometimes rude, sometimes impatient and he enjoys checking out the cleavages of the nurses who tend to him. (Good lad.) He is a man and he is alive.

"Le Scaphandre Et Le Papillon" is a testament to the power of the human spirit and the drive to survive and, after a fashion, to live.

Must see.

2008-02-28T09:53:00.004Z

"Waz".

The most influential American horror movie of the last 20 years is "Seven". This much is undeniable. I really liked "Seven". Great movie. It might be one of my favourites. The only problem is that every inner city set horror thriller made since comes across, to me, as "Seven"-lite.

Which brings me to "Waz".

A city of permanent night. A cop on the edge. A diabolical killer. Inventive, ingenious torture and murder. Victims with a reason for being victimised.

Yup. "Seven"-lite. Not necessarily a bad thing in itself, because you have to take every movie on it's own merits, but disappointing when witnessed over and over again.

"Waz" isn't bad. It is just unoriginal and a triumph of style over substance. The city is effectively portrayed as grim, dirty, cold and wet. You wouldn't want to go there on holiday. You wouldn't want to hang out with any of these people. The tone of the film is unpleasant, seedy and black. To coin a dated phrase, a video nasty. It will get you down. It also has one of the most disturbing filmed sequences of sexual abuse I have ever seen. All insinuated, you don't see a thing, but it is horrible.

Melissa George has been better and is frankly wasted as the pouting sidekick, but "Waz" does have a superior cast (Stellan Skarsgård, Selma Blair, Tom Hardy, etc.) for what is effectively a straightforward genre movie. Some of the questions I had as to why they signed up for this movie were answered during the denouement, when the motivations behind Stellan Skarsgård's actions are revealed and his character develops levels way beyond that of a tormented cop.

So, "Waz" was OK. Not bad for a walk on the dark side.

2008-02-27T16:11:00.004Z

On the lead up to Valentine's Day, I went to see "Definitely, Maybe".

Romantic comedies are easy.

1. Boy meets Girl.
2. Girl hates Boy.
3. Boy pursues Girl.
4. Girl hates Boy even more.
5. Boy gives up chasing Girl and meets New Girl.
6. Girl realises that she loves Boy.
7. Boy and Girl are unhappy.
8. New Girl leaves Boy for Boy's Best Friend/Brother/Father.
9. Boy and Girl kiss.
10. Roll credits and retire to Beverly Hills with up and coming starlet.

I could do that!

"Definitely, Maybe" does not really follow the bog standard romantic comedy template (which is good!), mainly because it is constructed as a mystery.

Soon to be divorced, mid 30's, single father Ryan Reynolds tells his 11 year old daughter the story of the three main romantic relationships of his life. One of these women will turn out to be his daughter's absent mother. Who will it be?

1. Nice, hometown girl Elizabeth Banks.
2. Kooky, wild child Isla Fisher.
3. Ambitious journalist Rachel Weisz.

Place your bets now! (I got it wrong, by the way. We'll skip past that, if I may.)

Despite myself I rather liked "Definitely, Maybe". Nice unsentimental performances by the whole cast and a good script that delved into off-centre subjects for a romantic comedy, such as hero worship and what can happen when your heroes let you down. "Definitely, Maybe" is also quite funny, but with a dark centre. I thought Ryan Reynolds, who is onscreen throughout, was really good. With this film and "The Nines" I am increasingly impressed with him. Really I am.

If I had to make one criticism it would be that "Definitely, Maybe" is a little bit too long. If only 10 minutes had been shaved off the running time, the ending would have been completely different, poetic, melancholy and more true.

Oh, well... Maybe the producers didn't want that? Maybe the producers wanted the traditional romantic comedy happy ending, after all?

Doesn't everybody.

2008-02-27T15:43:00.003Z

Whooooeeeee! ~~Anarchy~~ Earthquake In The UK!

23:56. I was watching "Morvern Callar". It was very quiet. Then, suddenly, there was an enormous groan and a creaking sound as window frames tried to bend and then the settee shook for a couple of seconds. Then nothing.

Straight after that there was another rumbling sound as Lorraine got out of bed.

"What the fuck was that?"

"Just an earthquake. Nothing to worry about."

Call me Mr. Cool.

2008-02-26T22:58:00.004Z

I have seen the films "Juno" and "Waz". I will write up both films tomorrow, along with the others I have missed along the way.

The hotel for our Easter trip to the smoke is finally booked. The Friday and Saturday night. We come home on the Sunday. For the Saturday we have tickets to see "Speed The Plow" at the Old Vic, starring Kevin Spacey, Jeff Goldblum and Laura Michelle Kelly. Lorraine's birthday present. Not a surprise. She knows all about it. We will probably also fit in shows on the Friday night and Saturday night. Make the most of the weekend.

Flowers have been ordered for my Mom for Mother's Day. I asked her if she wanted a present. She didn't. Flowers it is then.

My friend is staying over on Thursday night, after we have seen the Cult. An unusual occurrence for anybody to stay over at Residence Chez Pynchon. Lorraine has told me to change the sheets on my bed tomorrow and to air the room. This means that tomorrow evening we will be sharing her bed. I have not shared a bed with Lorraine in over a year. I don't know how I feel about it.

I am knackered. One of my favourite films is on at midnight. "Morvern Callar" starring Samantha Morton. I think I will watch it. No work tomorrow.

2008-02-25T23:31:00.003Z

Missing line from the last post.

Best Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett (for "I'm Not There").

I would have got it wrong. Ce la vie.

The good.

Of the six bets I put on, four of them came in correct, which means I was up by about 7 quid. In the annual Pynchon Vs. Lorraine Oscar contest I also won, but for the first time it was a close run thing. I won by 1. It was neck and neck until the end when Lorraine, swayed no doubt by the beauty of gorgeous George, voted for "Michael Clayton" for Best Film. Insanity at it's finest. Not that I didn't like "Michael Clayton", I did, but only one of two films was going to win Best Film on Sunday night.

The bad.

Some fucker (Virgin Media? Sky? Don't know yet) pulled the plug on the Oscar coverage on Sky Premiere, Sky Premiere + 1 and Sky Screen 1 at 4am, this morning. After ringing the customer care line to complain and ascertaining that there was nobody there and the customers could go hang, I then checked the service status on the website. No mention of anything untoward on there, either. I went to bed with a rage that nearly turned me green.

This morning I rang the customer care line and talked to a very nice lady who said that Sky Premiere always ceased broadcasting at approximately 2am. Clearly bollocks and I said so. I know that this time last year the Sky movie channels were still branded as Sky Movies 1, 2, 3, etc., and this year they are branded as Drama, Indie, Classic, etc., but I watched the Oscar coverage last year with no problems and I should have been able to watch it this year with no problems.

I have written two letters of complaint. Frankly I just want to know what happened and who was playing silly buggers. If the letters are ignored, I will be writing to the Managing Director of Virgin Media, with the envelope marked 'Private and Confidential). I am sure that he will be delighted to explain what happened to me himself.

I would not have bothered to stay up all night if I knew that the coverage was going to end before the Best Film was announced.

Yours, disgruntled.

2008-02-24T22:17:00.005Z

Nearly 10:30 pm in the UK. The Oscars coverage starts in 3 hours or so. Just time for my main predictions before I have a quick nap.

Best Film: "No Country For Old Men".
Best Director: Joel and Ethan Cohen (for "No Country For Old Men").
Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis (for "There Will Be Blood").
Best Actress: Marion Cotillard (for "La Vie En Rose").
Best Supporting Actor: Casey Affleck (for "The Assassination Of Jessie James By The Coward Robert Ford").
Best Original Screenplay: Cody Diablo (for "Juno").
Best Adapted Screenplay: Christopher Hampton (for "Atonement").

I have yet to see "There Will Be Blood", "La Vie En Rose" or "Juno", and lots of the other nominated films, so let's just say that these predictions are based on a mix of previous form, wishful thinking, guesswork and the once and future Pynchon sending the list of winners via tachyon particles, to this point in time, which manifested themselves in my dreams. (Reminder to myself: At some point I really must buy "Prince Of Darkness" on DVD.)

I am really tired. This is what two bottles of wine with Lorraine at a nice Italian restaurant will do to you. We never even made it to the cinema. Probably not the best preparation for staying up all night.

I will now rest.

2008-02-23T22:08:00.003Z

I forgot to do this yesterday.

Belated birthday greetings to Bruce Forsyth. 80 years young and still working. British television mainstay. Light entertainment legend.

Years and years ago my Mom went to see Brucie in cabaret. She was in the front row. A little plump woman in a black dress. She had had her hair done for the occasion. Of course Brucie spotted her and took the piss out of her all night.

("You just come from a funeral, love?" "Was the hairdresser's shut?" "Have you got any kids, love? You've got five?!? Do you need to lie down, love? Actually that's probably the last thing you need to do!")

According to my Aunt my Mom laughed and laughed and laughed.

At the end Brucie presented my Mom with a huge bouquet of flowers and kissed her on both cheeks.

Excellent. A legend.

(Interesting to note that when my Mom saw Barry Humphries/Dame Edna Everage, a couple of years later, very much the same thing happened. My Mom must have one of those faces.)

2008-02-22T22:30:00.004Z

I am not adverse to a bit of self publicity once in a while. So, if you are interested, check out my earworms on Swiss Toni's blog just here. It's a good blog anyway, regardless of my involement this week, and all discerning people should be reading it.

I have to go to work tomorrow morning, then I have the week off. Nothing whatsover planned except the following.

A cinema trip out with Lorraine on Sunday afternoon . She wants to see the Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman comedy "The Bucket List". This hardly fills me with excitement, but I try never to comment on films I have not seen.
A Valentine's Day meal out. Something Italian, methinks. For many years now Lorraine has refused to go out on Valentine's Day itself, because she considers the 'special menus' and the 'special prices' to be a rip off. She might be right.
Stay up to watch the Oscars. The coverage starts at 2am in the UK and goes on until 5am. I do it every year. I must also put a couple of bets on over the weekend. I win some, I lose some. I normally break even on the night.
Go out on Thursday evening to see the Cult. Really looking forward to that one. I never saw them at their peak, but I always thought they were a great band with a great image.
Lots and lots and lots of films. Well, maybe three or four over the week.
A bit of writing. Things to catch up on.

I am off. I need to be up at six.

Have a great weekend, y'all.

2008-02-21T22:39:00.004Z

If it's not one thing it's another.

Last night, sometime between 9pm and 10pm, the radiator in the kitchen sprung a leak. I think it was probably closer to 9pm, because by the time I went into the kitchen at 10pm, there was enough water on the kitchen floor to do a breaststroke across the room.

Panic? 'Course I did. Then Lorraine used her waspish Thatcher-Bitch tone on me, I calmed down and we got on with it.

We mopped up the water. We stuck a bucket underneath the leak. Could we isolate the radiator ourselves? No chance. Some fool had painted over the... Sorry, don't know what they are called. The bits you can turn to cut off the water. Anyway, there was nothing in Lorraine's toolbox that fitted the knob-turny thing We looked at the terms and conditions of the plumbing insurance we have with Severn Trent. We were covered. Aces. Rang the emergency line. No chance of anybody coming out tonight. How about first thing tomorrow morning? OK. No choice really, unless we wanted to pay somebody else? No.

We calculated that the bucket would fill up in two and a bit hours. Lorraine decided that she would be the one who would stay up through the night and would go to bed at 4am. I would get up normally at 6am, waking her up before I left for work at 8am. She would then stay at home waiting for the plumber and would dial into work and work from home.

All sorted now. Radiator isolated and no more leaks. Didn't cost us a penny, either. Thank Jesus Christ and all his worshippers for that!

I had a fitful night's sleep, last night. Do you blame me?

********

Daisy: I know I haven't replied to any of your comments about "No Country For Old Men". I will, but not tonight.

I also have reviews to write of "The Diving Bell And The Butterfly" and "Definitely, Maybe". It might not matter squat to anybody else, but it does matter to me to get those reviews on the blog. Call it a matter of being consistent.

2008-02-19T22:30:00.004Z

"4 Months, 3 Weeks & 2 Days" or "4 Luni, 3 Saptamani Si 2 Zile".

Romania, 1987. Two years before the fall of the Ceauşescu regime, a student helps her friend to obtain an illegal abortion. "4 luni, 3 Saptamani Si 2 Zile" details the events of a single day in which both girls will face circumstances of growing despair and horror. A question is asked and answered: What would you do for a friend?

I don't think I can praise "4 luni, 3 Saptamani Si 2 Zile" highly enough. I thought that "4 luni, 3 Saptamani Si 2 Zile" was a great film, perfectly executed.

There are some particular words I would use to describe this film. Compelling, downbeat, tense, shocking, harrowing and graphic. The country of Romania itself is a character in this movie. A cold and unfriendly place. Practically everything appearing to be worn down, old and shabby. The people are tired, irritated and impatient. I think it is a snapshot of a kind of hell on Earth.

There are stunning performances by Anamaria Marinca (some people might remember how good she was a couple of years ago in "Sex Traffic" on Channel 4) and Laura Vasiliu as the two girls. (Check out the scene of Anamaria Marinca at a family birthday party. A masterclass of internalised acting and suppressed emotion. She is doing practically nothing, but her mind is elsewhere. You can see it in her eyes.) Also, a couple of words of praise for Vlad Ivanov as Mr. Bebe, the abortionist. His peformance as Mr. Bebe is a calculated study of bland and indifferent evil. Quietly spoken, balding, middle aged in his comfortable jumper and comfortable shoes. Manipulative, advantage taking, awful and chilling. Really chilling.

However you line up on the subject of abortion, pro-choice or pro-life (I am pro-choice, by the way), you should see this film. One of the best of the year.

What would you do for a friend?

2008-02-17T22:17:00.003Z

Yesterday, for about 20 seconds, I met up with the blogger previously known as Graham. I was on the number 1 bus, getting up to get off and Graham had just got on. He looked and sounded good. Not blogging anymore, and that is a crying shame, but I suppose you have to do what you have to do.

Just thought I would mention that.

********

I have seen another two movies over the weekend. This makes it four movies I have not written about at all. The situation is unacceptable and will lead to a schism in the fabric of space/time, and a dangerous alternative future, unless I do something about it.

How about one review tonight and the rest over the week?

I will take your silence as meaning that this is acceptable.

"All The Boys Love Mandy Lane".

I approached seeing "All The Boys Love Mandy Lane" with caution. I had heard a rumour that the Protection Of Punters From Horror Movie Cliche's fast response squad (a subdivision of the Committee For Protection Against All Hollywood Movie Cliches) were sweeping UK cinemas and arresting anybody caught watching bad movies about good looking teens being slaughtered by evil forces unknown in remote and eerie locations. The punishment, I heard, was 30 years hard labour watching Martin Lawrence comedies.

I was OK. The squad didn't catch me. Anyway, despite being based on well worn movie cliches, "All The Boys Love Mandy Lane" was really rather good, not a bad movie at all, so the squad would have been forced to let me go.

My interest in a film like this lives and dies on outside of what is going regarding the horror content. Horror is boring in and of itself. Luckily there is plenty of other stuff going on in "All The Boys Love Mandy Lane".

"All The Boys Love Mandy Lane" boasts really great, stunning cinematography. Just beautiful work, dreamy and atmospheric, utilising all sorts of time lapse effects and film stock. I think the work is as as good as anything you might see in a serious art house film. "All The Boys Love Mandy Lane" also has a really good soundtrack of melancholy pop music, culminating in a song that everybody knows: One of the creepiest pop songs of all time. (You will know what it is. It is in the trailer.) There are good performances and an inventive script, touching on interesting issues such as sexual attraction, jealousy, the school hierarchy, peer pressure and rivalry and the problems of the modern body image.

Hey! Don't worry! The filmmakers do not forget that "All The Boys Love Mandy Lane" is supposed to be a horror movie. Add to all of the above some particularly bloody, hands-over-your-eyes, murders.

The eventual identity of the killer was no surprise to me, but that is just the way it goes. I have seen a lot of movies. Suffice to say that "All The Boys Love Mandy Lane" is a superior horror film. One of the best I have seen in years.

2008-02-15T20:52:00.004Z

I always read books in the mornings, in the half hour or hour before I have to leave to go to work. I do not read books at any other time, although I do read magazines compulsively: Any magazine that I can get my hands on.

I have just started reading "Hyperion" by Dan Simmons. I have read it, and the sequel "The Fall Of Hyperion" before, a very long time ago, but figured that if I wanted to start the next two books in the sequence ("Endymion" and "The Rise Of Endymion"), a refresher would probably be in order.

I will write about those books when I have finished them.

I have finished reading two books this year so far. "The Insider" and "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love".

"The Insider" was written by Piers Morgan, ex editor of the British tabloid newspapers "The News Of The World" and "The Daily Mirror". Wikipedia's entry on him is pretty expansive, so if you want to know more about his career, click away. I'll give you my take, anyway.

I think that Piers Morgan is a dark creature of the night. He is a vile, smug, arrogant, self satisfied scum sucker and bottom dweller. He is an inhabitant of the gutter and prone to historical revisionism. (Piers introduces Paul McCartney to Heather Mills! Piers convinces Tony Blair to run for a third term! Piers has private lunches with Diana Spencer and she tells him everything.) Piers was a tabloid editor with his fingers in many pies and many, many contacts. A tabloid editor who would sell his own Grandmother for good story. A man who considers muck racking and celebrity baiting a game and a game that he can play well. He is also, for an experienced newspaper man, quite a wooden and bad writer. The book is structured like a diary, but Piers fully admits that the source material was not a personal diary, but rather his, and his various P.A.'s, appointment diaries, with the relevant details filled in from memory.

Got that? OK.

It is a good job that the book is hilarious, tasteless, scurrilous and essential reading, isn't it? I really enjoyed "The Insider" as a guilty pleasure and would heartily recommend it to anybody who fancies a glimpse into the world of the tabloid hack and the gossip driven world that they circumnavigate. If one thing is demonstrated clearly by this book, it is the extent that celebrities will collaborate and collude with the media when it suits them to do so. Not that we didn't already know that, eh?

The second book I have finished reading this year is "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" by Raymond Carver.

Raymond Carver's short stories were the source material behind such magical films as Robert Altman's "Short Cuts" and Ray Lawrence's "Jindabyne" and I love them. Carver's stories are cold, hard and difficult to pin down. Imagine looking through a window and witnessing a scene mid flow, no beginning, no end. Then, imagine trying to make sense of that scene and where it fits into a bigger story. That is what a Carver story is like.

I think that Raymond Carver was a cold, hard genius. Also, he never used 20 words when he could get away with 10. A good lesson for everybody who tries to write.

I will write about films tomorrow.

********

I have a girl on my mind and it is not Lorraine. I think I am being stupid. I have no what she thinks of me.

2008-02-15T08:03:00.002Z

I have added links to my last post. It is better than nothing and nothing seems to be what I am posting at the moment.

I will be back later. I have to go to work to spread misery and distress.

2008-02-13T23:22:00.004Z

Things to do.

Review of "The Diving Bell And The Butterfly".
Review of "Definitely, Maybe".
Review of "The Insider" by Piers Morgan.
Review of "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" by Raymond Carver.
Write up my Earworms list for the mighty Swiss.

But not tonight, Josephine. Too tired.

Katy: For Valentine's Day I have bought Lorraine John Barrowman's autobiography. (Do you know who he is?) Lorraine has commented many times that he is "way too handsome to be gay".

We will be going out for a meal on the Sunday afternoon before the Oscars.

I thought "Torchwood" this evening was incredibly moving.

How cool. This song just popped up on my MP3 player.

2008-02-12T22:46:00.000Z

A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.

Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Man: "It's been 10 years!"

With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.

Man: "Thank you so much!"

Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"

Man: "It's been 10 years!"

The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.

Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"

Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...?"

******

A Blonde goes into a computer shop and says, "Hi! I need curtains for my PC."

The assistant says, "But you don't need curtains for a computer!"

The Blonde says, "Like hellooo... I've got windows!"

******

Yes. Absolutely nothing of interest happened today.

I have two reviews to write, but I cannot be arsed.

2008-02-11T23:22:00.000Z

What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?

What I am not doing is fretting about arsehole behaviour over the weekend. It was a bad couple of days. I am not proud of any of it. Gone. In the past. Fuck it.

I was glad to go back to work today! Now, that is bad.

I had an email sent to me. It was from a problem that had been logged by the Internal Helpdesk of one of our customers. This is what the email said, including creative spelling.

"systm not working. was working last week. printr used to do al of it, but duzn't anymore. shold be more coming out. plse investigate urgntly."

That was it. Crap, basically.

I replied to the email, thus.

"What has been logged on this ticket is meaningless drivel. We, at The Corporation, cannot understand two words of it. Please advise the exact problem you are experiencing so that we can progress the issue."

Later, when news got around and hilarity ensued, Lorraine, as my manager, was sent to tell me off. I kept an admirably straight face. I am sorry to be a trouble to her.

Happy days.

2008-02-10T19:57:00.000Z

It is very easy to slip into shitness. This weekend I have drank red wine, lager, bitter, Guinness and, oh yes, some very nice Spyder (non alcoholic) ginger beer. Bananas and cornflakes and water have kept the hangover at bay and, touch wood, it is still working. I have scared my Mom, because she is not used to her beloved eldest son ringing her up drunk, and I have scared Lorraine, because she is not used to the man who shares the house with her leaving said house without having a shave or a wash, or pulling down his trousers, pointing at his cock and saying, "Remember this? You haven't seen it for a while".

I have seen two movies: "The Diving Bell And The Butterfly" (which was great) and "Definitely, Maybe" (that should have been shit, but wasn't). Thank God for movies. I love them. I would die without them.

I will be watching the Bafta's in an hour. For what it is worth I think that "Atonement" will win Best Film, Daniel Day-Lewis Best Actor and Julie Christie Best Actress. British judging bias, and why not? I tried to put a bet on those earlier, but had difficulties. In preparation I have printed off the list of the Oscar nominations and am finding it very difficult to decide what will win, but probably Daniel Day-Lewis and Julie Christie have the same two major acting awards locked.

I have bought Lorraine flowers. She loves them.

I will get over myself.

2008-02-08T23:15:00.001Z

Flashback to the early 1990's.

The Company I was working for at the time was holding it's annual Christmas squawk at the Royal Angus Thistle Hotel in Birmingham. I turned up for the do in a taxi, not wanting to risk creasing my suit by travelling on public transport, at exactly the same time as a girl called Debbie.

Debbie worked in the training section and was a striking looking woman. A beautiful, tall, red headed girl. Mid 30's with a bearing about her. Truly fine, classy and elegant, and as sexy as hell.

I said to Debbie, "You look really nice".

And Debbie said to me, "You too, John. You look gorgeous. Good enough to eat."

With that, she took my arm and we walked into the hotel and the party together, and everybody, everybody was watching us.

I am feeling old, tired and unwanted, but I remember when a woman thought I was gorgeous and good enough to eat.

2008-02-06T22:57:00.000Z

I suppose that the England game was OK. A really average England performance in the first half, but a better performance in second half. We won the game 2-1, and that is a result, but we should have dominated. It's an old cliche, but there is still a long way to go.

In case you didn't know the official FIFA Rankings: England - 12, Switzerland - 44.

Indeed.

And that was my 600th post.

Yippey kay yay, Motherfucker!

2008-02-06T19:39:00.000Z

Waiting for the England game to start...

(I am using '...' a lot at the moment. I must kick that into touch.)

2008-02-05T20:41:00.000Z

On the bus this morning I saw a dude dressed like a lady. (Cue mad frigging to a great old Aerosmith song.) I'll give him his due. He nearly pulled it off.

Tall, blonde, statuesque. Killer legs. Killer heels. 5 o'clock shadow.

Oh, well... Maybe his shaver wasn't working?

It must be hard to be different.

2008-02-04T22:20:00.000Z

"No Country For Old Men".

Interesting comment overheard in the cinema on Saturday.

"No Country For Old Men" had ended and the credits were rolling. I was getting up to leave when I heard a guy, who was sitting a few seats away from me, say sadly to his lady, 'Three quarters of that were great, but that last quarter was really shit'.

Hmm... Maybe, but only if you want a movie where everything is wrapped up for you in a nice bow and everything is explained. I don't think that the Coen's at full tilt want to give you that at all.

That gentleman in the cinema was missing the point. Really missing the point. Up until the last quarter of "No Country For Old Men" the Coen's are playing within the conventions of the thriller, albeit a beautiful looking, intelligently paced and well acted thriller. (Basically man finds money and another man tries to take the money off him. People die. Mayhem ensues.) During the last quarter of "No Country For Old Men" the Coens mess with the conventions of the standard thriller. Characters arrive late. Crucial events occur offscreen. Life and death conversations take place in rooms. The fate of some of the characters is uncertain. A man thinks about how the world used to be.

Maybe. What do I know?

With "No Country For Old Men" the Coen's are back to the kind of form that has evaded them in recent years, with terrible, deliberate crowd pleasers like "Intolerable Cruelty" and "The Ladykillers". I think that "No Country For Old Men" is a great movie and that it will win the Oscar for best film in 2008 and the Coen's the Oscar for Best Director(s). Trust me. It's going to happen.

2008-02-03T21:50:00.000Z

"Before The Devil Knows You're Dead".

Old ,venerated film directors shouldn't be allowed to direct movies like "Before The Devil Knows You're Dead". Old, venerated film directors should know their place.

Old, venerated film directors should see their old movies released on budget priced DVD or broadcast on television channels such Turner Classic Movies or Sky Movies Classic. If they are especially venerated, they should be happy to be invited to the Baftas or to the Oscars, be wheeled out to pick up a lifetime achievement award and be applauded by writers, directors and actors without a smidgen of the talent that they had at their peak.

Old, venerated film directors shouldn't be directing one of the best films of this year or any year. They shouldn't be overseeing astonishing powerhouse acting performances by talents such as Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke and Albert Finney, or film Marisa Tomei in such a way that she looks sexy and totally smoking hot. They shouldn't be so still at the top of their game that they can handle a complex script, with a fractured time line, detailing the events leading up to a robbery, the robbery itself and the aftermath of the robbery. They shouldn't be able to turn what could have been a good, if straightforward crime thriller into a seriously good piece of drama about relationships, stress, secrets and family.

Good job that nobody told Sidney Lumet that, isn't it?

"No Country For Old Men" tomorrow. I am feeling kind of unwell. A half a bottle of red wine will do that to you.

Lorraine and I split up on Saturday night. We were going to sell the house and everything. By Sunday morning we were not split up. It has been that kind of a weekend.

2008-02-02T23:57:00.000Z

I have become obsessed with this song. It's the way my brain works, I'm afraid.

2008-02-01T23:02:00.000Z

We have just finished watching series one of "Clocking Off" on DVD. Why the hell doesn't the BBC get a move on and release series' two, three and four on DVD? It has been four years since the first series DVD came out, just after series four had finished.

Anyway, brilliant, brilliant stuff. All of those great actors that became much, much more famous later on. John Simm, Christopher Eccleston, Sarah Lancashire, Philip Glenister, Lesley Sharp...

Worth a spot on my sidebar, methinks.

That is all.

2008-01-31T21:24:00.000Z

January and February is always a tricky time for movies. It is the awards season and the British cinemas are full of the potential Golden Globe/Oscar winners. Why tricky, I hear you ask? Well, basically because yer Pynchon is forced to decide which movies have legs and will stay in the Cineworld on Broad Street (I am brassic at the moment, as always after Christmas, so my monthly Unlimited card is mighty useful) for more than one week, so that he can see the movies that do not have legs, first.

Last weekend I counted 5 movies I would have liked to have seen. Damnation!

For precisely the reason illustrated above I chose to see "The Savages" and "In The Valley Of Elah". Pretty good call by me, I say, modestly. "The Savages" has gone and "In The Valley Of Elah" is down to two showings a day.

"The Savages".

Philip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney play Brother and Sister Jon and Wendy Savage. Jon is laidback, pragmatic and a realist. Wendy is neurotic, brittle and dissatisifed. When, for various reasons, Jon and Wendy's estranged Father loses his home, the Brother and Sister are forced to face the realities of dealing with an ailing parent that they barely know.

I think that "The Savages" is a great movie. A brilliant little gem. How far can you go wrong with great performers like Laura Linney and Philip Seymour Hoffman, and a really black, pointed, funny and incisive script by writer/director Tamara Jenkins. Admit it. Not very far wrong. "The Savages" says important things about family, responsibility, self sacrifice, dreams and aspirations. The only movies that really matter are movies about people and "The Savages" is definitely about people.

Philip Seymour Hoffman has got his Oscar, but I feel kind of sorry for Laura Linney. She is one of the best actresses in the world, with three Oscar nominations in eight years ("You Can Count On Me", "Kinsey" and this one) and three strikeouts. (I know it isn't really over until the fat lady sings, and I would love to dream it might happen, but does anybody really believe that Laura Linney is going to win this year for "The Savages"? No, I didn't think so.) I know awards shouldn't really matter, but they do, and something for Laura Linney is well overdue. She does not do flash. What she does is quality and quality should count.

"In The Valley Of Elah".

"In The Valley Of Elah", Paul Haggis' worthy directorial follow up to his Oscar winning movie "Crash", is only a reasonably good thriller, but hits it's stride in much the same way as "Crash", as an exploration of the current state of the American psyche. The Iraq war itself is a character in this movie and casts a giant emotional shadow over everything that happens.

What has the Iraq war done to America? How has the conflict affected the emotional state of the young men and women involved in the war? What will be the final cost, to a generation of Americans, of Iraq?

Top notch performances from Tommy Lee Jones as a serious, grave and dignified ex-soldier trying to find out what happened to his son, and also by a glammed down Charlize Theron as a single mother and detective, sidelined and dismissed by her male colleagues. In fact, not a bad performance by anybody in the cast, even if Susan Sarandon as Tommy Lee Jones' wife is a little underused.

"In The Valley Of Elah" is haunting and powerful and has a stark final image that speaks volumes.

2008-01-30T22:34:00.001Z

Monday through Wednesday, there just didn't seem to be enough time.

Monday - Got up, washed, went to work, came home, chores, watched "Bobby", blogged, went to bed.

Tuesday - Got up, washed, went to work, came home, chores, watched "C.S.I. Crime Scene Investigation", listened to music, went to bed.

Wednesday - Got up, washed, went to work, came home, chores, watched "Torchwood", blogging now, will soon go to bed.

I have two reviews that I want to write ("The Savages" and "In The Valley Of Elah"). I want to write them, but am finding it difficult to collect my thoughts sufficiently so that I can write something more than incisive than "they are fucking great films!". It will come, eventually. It always does.

Oh, yes... On Friday evening I did a single line post here. (Thank you Rod Serling.) Have a go, if you like. It is a good exercise in brevity.

Should be time tomorrow.

2008-01-28T22:23:00.000Z

On Thursday evening I outlined roughly to Lorraine what had happened at lunchtime that day. Lorraine likes injustice even less than I do and basically said that she would now have to do something because otherwise nobody else would.

Obviously the rest of this is second hand because I was not party to everything that happened re. John after Thursday night.

On Friday Lorraine talked (informally) with everybody who was at the table including Phil. Phil said that sometimes the Rodent (I like that nickname) could be "A little strong", but that he (Phil) did not want to complain because he didn't want to get anybody into trouble. Another guy said that he was sure that the Rodent "Didn't mean anything" and that I was making too much of what he said. A couple of other people said that the Rodent was "Out of order" and that he "Doesn't speak to anybody else like that."

It was enough for Lorraine.

After talking to Phil's manager, who admitted that Phil was not the kind of guy who would stand up for himself and would let himself be walked all over for the sake of a quiet life, Lorraine went and talked to the Rodent's manager. Guess what the Rodent's manager's reaction was?

"We've had other complaints. He's got an attitude problem. I'll talk to him."

And so today, other than the odd grunt, not a word was spoken by the Rodent. I am surprised he didn't choose to sit at another table. There was the odd hateful glance in my direction, but I can live with that. He knows that I was the one who got this started. I am now waiting for him to get me on my own and to try to give me some lip. I hope he does. I will invite him to attempt sexual congress with himself.

Like John I also do not like making enemies, but if the Rodent wants a war, he will get one. Anyway, what can he do to me? The beauty of living with the Boss (Lorraine) is that I can, mostly, say what I like and, maybe, care a little less about the consequences.

I hate fucking bullies. Pathetic asswipe.

2008-01-27T22:51:00.001Z

Sometimes you just have to get on with living a life rather than writing about living a life.

So...

Shopping.
Cleaning.
Feeding the birds in my back garden.
Spending money that I do not have. (Tickets for The Pigeon Detectives at the Carling Academy, Portishead at Wolverhampton Civic Hall, Goldfrapp at the Symphony Hall, Boston's first album, Portishead's live album, newspapers and magazines).
Movies. ("The Savages", "In The Valley Of Elah" and loads and loads of movies on the TV. I will write a couple of little reviews of "The Savages" and "In The Valley Of Elah", probably tomorrow.)
Fighting with Lorraine.
Making up with Lorraine. (Not a code for having sex with Lorraine, because I do not bother to ask anymore. Why bother when I know what the answer is going to be?)
Complaining about the heat.
Complaining about the cold.
Dozing off.
Waking up again.
Getting drunk.
Regretting getting drunk.

I also found out that Sister 3 has had a scan and baby is A-OK. My Brother has vowed never to speak to Sister 3 again, because he has just found out that the baby is going to be half west indian. My reaction? So fucking what?

The situation with John Rodent has progressed, somewhat. It is all down to Lorraine and the steps she took on Friday. I will write about that next time.

I am tired.

2008-01-24T21:44:00.000Z

No death talk this evening. Instead I want to write about a bully, the disgusting thing he said at lunch today, and the fact that I shamefully said nothing when I definitely should have said something.

There are two guys in my office. Their names are John Rodent and Phil Dodd. Phill Dodd is being bullied by John Rodent.

Phil Dodd is an amiable guy. Big, overweight, clumsy and kind of naive. He is that that legendary thing: An innocent man. He likes to laugh, has a childlike sense of humour, takes joy in his life and is easy to wind up, if you are that way inclined. I like Phil a lot. I certainly don't think he is the sharpest tool in the box, but he is a genuinely nice and kind man. Nothing hidden or deceitful about him at all. It would be very easy to laugh at him. I try to take great care to laugh with him.

John Rodent is a very clever man. Kind of... er... rodent like. Stick thin, moneyed, sharp, a go-getter with the kind of arrogance that sometimes goes with that. Somebody told John a long time ago that he was funny and I think that he feels to need to prove his funniness with every-single-fucking-word that comes out of his mouth. It's a bit much when everything you say to John is used a material for some oh-so-clever bit of word play or a witty quip. It's so tiresome to constantly have to watch everything that you say. (Of course I am a sarcastic fucker when I want to be, and if John says something to me, then yer Pynchon is going to say something back.)

John Rodent looks at Phil Dodd like he is subhuman and treats him as such. He takes the piss out of him. He berates him in front of everybody, and gives full flow to some really offensive comments.

Phil is going to be a Father. He announced it last week. Of course there was fun to be had. ("Who's the father, Phil?" and "Your girlfriend didn't tell me she was pregnant the last time I was in bed with her".)

Phil is made up about the prospect about being a Father. I have never seen a man as happy. The only sad thing, that we found out today in fact, is that Phil's Girlfriend's Mother has recently died. It happened so recently, in fact, that the funeral still has not taken place. I think it is next week.

And upon hearing this, John said, "Did she die because the sign painter in your little town didn't want to change the population number sign?"

You what?

Silence.

Phil looked at John and said, "That's not funny", gathered up his sandwich and left.

Silence.

The guy sitting next to me looked at John, looked at me, got up and left. The girl sitting next to John frowned and carried on eating. Slowly. Somebody else shook their head and looked at nothing.

I looked at John, said, "I have to go" and I went.

I caught up with Phil on the stairs.

"He's a twat. Fuck him."

"Thanks, but don't worry about it", said Phil.

But I do, because I should have said something at the table where everybody could have heard me.

Indecent, disgusting and callous man. I hope John never loses anybody.

Fucking bully.

2008-01-22T23:01:00.000Z

Heath Ledger dead.

An absolute tragedy.

RIP.

2008-01-21T20:19:00.000Z

John Stewart died on the 19th January 2008.

Who is John Stewart, I hear you ask? Well, amongst other things he wrote one of the greatest pop songs of all time. And here it is.

I think that will do for this evening. I am off to watch "Ronin" on Channel 5. Never seen it. Not really sure why.

2008-01-20T22:03:00.000Z

Today's cinematic choices were either monsters and mayhem ("AVP: Alien Vs. Predator - Requiem") or rib tickling silliness ("Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story"). I chose rib tickling silliness.

Hmm... I must admit, I am a bit torn with regard to "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story".

The idea of this movie was fine. A parody biopic covering the career of singer Dewey Cox and detailing his struggles with fame, family and 'interesting substances'. As the film progresses you see his career develop through rock 'n' roll (psycho Elvis!), rockabilly, folk protest (a brilliant and incomprehensible Dylan impersonation), psychedelic pop (the best Brian Wilson/Beach Boys/"Smile" piss take of all time), cheesy family entertainment and the final unveiling of his musical masterpiece.

I liked the spot on musical parodies. I liked the surprising cameos from some very known faces playing musical icons (Elvis, Buddy Holly and the totally priceless meditating with the Beatles section). I liked the extremely game cast - Jenna Fishcher (Where has she been all my life? I don't suppose anybody has got her phone number, have they?), Tim Meadows ("You don't want to try this shit!") and the grave and brilliant Raymond J. Barry ("The wrong son died!") All good.

But, and it's a big but...

"Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" just wasn't funny enough. Maybe if a more scatter shot approach had been applied a la "Airplane", "Top Secret!" or "The Naked Gun" (throw a hundred jokes at the screen and some of them will stick), the film might have been funnier? I don't know. As it was I would have to say that I came out thinking that "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" was entertaining enough, but was nothing I would be inclined to stay in to watch on TV again.

I got to thinking about John C. Reilly in the lead. He is a fine supporting actor, and a fine character actor, and he certainly tried hard, but he is not a leading man and especially not in a comedy. I came out of the cinema wondering what somebody like Will Ferrell might have done with the role and this is from not the greatest Will Ferrell fan in the world.

No fears, "This Is Spinal Tap". The greatest parody music flick of all time award still belongs to you.

2008-01-19T21:14:00.001Z

After the shittiest of shit days at work yesterday, I got home and found that I was too tired to be bothered to do anything. So I vegetated in front of the TV to the following.

The repeat of the last episode of "Doctor Who" season 3.

A documentary on Marc Bolan.

Another documentary, which was a potted history of British pop music taking in Punk Rock, New Wave, New Romantics, late 80's production line pop (PWL and Stock Aitken Waterman), Britpop, the rise of boy band svengalis and their bands (Nigel Martin Smith - Take That, Tom Watkins - East 17 and Louis Walsh - Boyzone) and then the rise of Simon Cowell and his stable of popstars chosen by the public through the likes of "Popstars", "Popstars - The Rivals", "Pop Idol" and "The X-Factor".

Very interesting documentary, that second one, but the rather snobby attitude that anything produced off a pop production line was crap really pissed me off. Just because a tune is written and performed by a tortured artist in a squat, does not make it a better or more valid tune than one written by a multi-millionaire professional songwriter at their house in L.A. and sung by a white teethed popstrell. A good tune and a good record can come out of any set of circumstances. I can and I will defend "Flying Without Wings" by Westlife, "Back For Good" by Take That and "Stay Another Day" by East 17 as being superior pop records and as good as anything produced by a serious artist.

Phew! Credibility blown. Finally. Thank God for that.

I went to the MAC today to see "The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford".

Simply put, I thought that "The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford" was a cracking piece of work. Serious, poetic and a beautifully shot western, built on excellent central performances by Brad Pitt as Jesse James and Casey Affleck as Robert Ford respectively.

Brad Pitt's Jesse James is hardly an American folk hero. He is a nasty piece of work. Unstable, unpredictable, tormented and ruthless. A dominant personality. People are afraid of Jesse James and rightly so. It is one of the best performances of Pitt's career. Forget Pitt as A-lister and tabloid fodder and think about Pitt as the great character actor that he undoubtedly is.

As good as Pitt is, the true revelation here is the performance of Casey Affleck. I have only ever been aware of Affleck as Ben's brother and as the comic relief in "Ocean's Eleven", "Ocean's Twelve" and "Ocean's Thirteen". There is nothing in those films that could prepare you for his work in "The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford". Just outstanding. If he does not get a Supporting Actor nod at the Oscars next month, I will be very much surprised.

Casey Affleck's Robert Ford is a slightly creepy, slightly dislikeable man who is trying way too hard. He is very much a small man trying to be a big man and in the process manages to get in way over his head. His initial hero worship of Jesse James turns into something disappointing, destructive and tragic.

"The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford" is a great film. Quite a long film, but engrossing throughout. The hours just shot by. It is early days yet, but I think it is my film of the year so far.

2008-01-17T23:07:00.000Z

I rock!

For the first time ever I have purchased and downloaded music from the Internet. I have not developed a migraine, broken out in spots, vomited or fainted.

No stopping me now. Next step, world domination!

2008-01-15T19:55:00.000Z

A primary school teacher secures a job at a school on Merseyside.

On her first day, hoping to make a good impression, she announces that she is a Liverpool supporter.

"How many of you are Liverpool fans?" she asks.

All of the children raise their hands, with the exception of one little girl called Mary.

"I suppose you are an Everton fan, Mary", says teacher.

"No Miss", says Mary. "I support Manchester United."

"Why on earth do you support them?"

"Well Miss, my Mom and Dad are both from Manchester, and they are very keen United fans, so I am too."

"You know, Mary, you don't always have to copy what your parents do. What if your mother was a prostitute, and your father was a drug dealer, then what would you be?"

"A Liverpool supporter, Miss", said Mary.

(Sent to me by a Liverpool Football Club supporter. Take any complaints up with him. I love Scousers. The Beatles were Scousers!)

********

"Dan In Real Life".

Steve Carell plays Dan Burns, newspaper agony uncle and dedicated single father to three girls. At a large family homecoming Dan meets his perfect woman, only to find out that she is in a relationship with his brother.

What's a man to do?

I rather liked "Dan In Real Life", but I would imagine the success or otherwise of this flick is going to be down to whether you are willing to accept Steve Carell playing a part relatively straight and restrained, rather than going through the broad comedy moves that have made him so successful. If you cannot accept it, fear not, "Get Smart" will be along later in the year, but for the record I thought he was very good.

"Dan In Real Life" starts off like your typical, incidentally amusing, family drama, but it gets funnier and funnier as it goes along and Carell's frustration with his situation grows. It's not massively original (but if you only saw movies with original ideas, cinematic pickings would be very scarce indeed, wouldn't they?), but "Dan In Real Life" is entertaining, and a good cast (who wouldn't fall in love at first sight with the luminous Juliette Binoche?) make the most of an insightful enough script that contains many a ponder on the meaning and passion of love.

I hope that Steve Carell pushes himself and does something as interesting again.

2008-01-14T21:58:00.000Z

"Lust, Caution" or "Se, Jie".

It's January. About time for another WWII drama about a plucky, female resistance fighter going undercover and getting too involved with her 'target'.

Actually that sounds pretty sarcastic. I do not mean it to be. Just about a year ago I saw Paul Verhoeven's movie "Zwartboek". It was a great film and made my top 10 for 2007. The similar themed "Se, Jie" is also a great film.

"Se, Jie" covers the same emotional ground as "Zwartboek", only from a Chinese/Japanese rather than a Dutch/German perspective. Also, the execution of the material could not have been more different. Whereas "Zwartboek" was informed by the chutzpah of it's director (big, colourful, loud, energetic and brightly lit), "Se, Jie" is dark, menacing, withdrawn and grey. And it is a bleak movie. Oh, so bleak. No winners in this film, no matter what way you look at it.

As for the controversial sex scenes, yes there is sex in this movie, but probably not as much as you might think. The sex scenes are uncomfortable, grave, intense and sometimes disturbing. Very brave and uncompromising performances from Tony Leung and Wei Teng. If you are expecting titillation, forget it. Go and see something else.

I thought that "Se, Jie" was an excellent piece of work.

********

It has taken me over an hour to write the above. Not good enough.

2008-01-13T21:51:00.000Z

Hello.

I am not even going to pretend that I can be arsed to write anything much just now. I am suffering from a migraine/hangover/headache. Not exactly sure which. Alcohol rich mince pies, just past their sell by date and cider do not mix. All my own fault. In big letters, I REALLY NEED TO STOP DRINKING AND EATING STUFF THAT MAKES ME FEEL ILL.

That aside it has been a nice enough weekend. I saw two movies ("Lust, Caution" or "Se, Jie" and "Dan In Real Life") that I enjoyed for completely different reasons and will write about shortly. I hung out with Lorraine. I went to see Sister 3, who told me that I am going to be an Uncle again, sometime around my birthday. I have read some more of "The Insider". (I really must write about that soon.) I saw my Brother, who wants me to go with him to see The Pigeon Detectives at the Carling Academy. (Are they good? I know nothing whatsoever about that band.)

Yes. I know that the blog is drifting. I will knuckle down tomorrow.

2008-01-10T20:06:00.000Z

A man of taste and distinction.

2008-01-10T13:01:00.000Z

I am home today. Engineer Guy has visited and replaced the fan in the boiler. It cost three hundred plus quid, but I am happy enough with that. When I asked Engineer Guy how long he thought this fan would last he said, "It's going to outlast the boiler, mate!"

Okey, dokey. Lorraine and I had better start saving our pennies then. A new boiler (and solar panels on the roof?) before the end of the year.

I thought about going to the cinema, but decided against it. Instead I have got on with much delayed chores like hoovering and cleaning. I have also put seeds, peanuts and fat balls out for the poor, starving little birdies. They were desperate. As I look out of my window there is a peanut standoff going on involving magpies and squirrels.

I suppose I had better have something to eat myself.

I wonder what's on the TV this afternoon? Or maybe I will read a bit more of "The Insider" by Piers Morgan. (I haven't forgotten to write about it. Next time.) It's all go around here.

2008-01-09T21:24:00.000Z

I did start to write this last night, but the call of bed proved to be stronger than the call of the blog.

Anyway, "Aladdin".

First a question.

Have you ever been to a gig where you were really looking forward to the main attraction, only to come away raving about the support act?

I must admit that it hasn't happened to me very often. In fact, at this moment in time, I can only think of two examples.

Ellis, Beggs & Howard supporting T'Pau at the NEC in 1988. Frankly, Ellis, Beggs & Howard blew T'Pau off the stage. The band were formed by Nick Beggs of Kajagoogoo fame; Kajagoogoo being huge in the UK for about 10 minutes back in 1983. I thought that Ellis, Beggs & Howard were just a fantastic live band. Great songs. Great lead singer. They should have been huge. T'Pau were as dull as dishwater.
Ian McNabb supporting Aztec Camera at the Symphony Hall in 1992. Ian McNabb used to be in the Icicle Works. I saw the Icicle Works way back in, I think, 1988 when Zak Starkey was occupying the drum kit and the guy who played bass in Black was on... er... bass. Great gig. Great band. Much missed, by me at least. Supporting Aztec Camera on that night in 1992, Ian McNabb grabbed the chance with both hands and entranced the audience with a mix of Icicle Works classics and his (at the time) new solo material. He joked with the audience. He led singalongs. He invited requests and played them. Simply fantastic and he got a standing ovation. Roddy Frame (who is Aztec Camera), on the other hand, performed like a dead man. I'm surprised that Roddy Frame didn't take to the stage with a white flag. All over bar the shouting.

For the past couple of years Lorraine and I have taken my Niece and Nephew to a show around Christmas. Normally it wouldn't matter if it was something we wanted to see, because it was the kids choice, but this year, as soon as we heard that John Barrowman was going to be heading the panto "Aladdin", it became the only choice for all of us. Lorraine and I are both big fans of Mr. Barrowman and the kids of Captain Jack Harkness.

Ah... John Barrowman. Actor ("Doctor Who" and "Torchwood"), singer (he has worked in West End musicals for years and has released a couple of albums), reality TV judge ("How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria", "Any Dream Will Do"), writer (his autobiography is hitting the stores anytime soon) and Gay icon. At the moment he is a ubiquitous presence on British TV. Lorraine has said that he is making the most of his 5 minutes of fame, but I hope he will last a big longer than that. At least I hope he will last until April, when we are due to see him in concert.

We were really looking forward to seeing John Barrowman in "Aladdin" and... Hmm.. he was OK. No. Wrong word. He was good. Energetic, warm and funny. Engaged the audience. Couldn't dance for shit, but a great performer and singer. The perfect lead for a pantomime.

Except...

Gulp! I can hardly believe I am saying it.

The Grumbleweeds were better. They were a revelation. Absolutely brilliant. Genius. The funniest thing I have seen live in years. They perfectly pitched their performance for adults and kids, which I would imagine is a very difficult thing to do. The Grumbleweeds have been around for years. I remember them on a Seaside Special in the 70's doing a wicked takeoff of Gary Numan. Old troupers. Started as a pop group in the sixties. Became a comedy pop group. TV, panto, cabaret, cruise ships. Now down to the original members - Robin Colvill and Graham Walker. You can read all about The Grumbleweeds here. If you get the chance, go and see them. I thought they were great.

The rest of the panto? Pretty good, actually. You either like panto or you don't and I love it. A 3-D genie. ("Put your glasses on to protect your eyes from the Genie!") Patrick Stewart's uncredited voice cameo. It was definitely him. The Daleks. Ultimate evil and great fun. Don Maclean, the best dame in the business. Peter Gallagher's hissable villain. Terrible jokes, slapstick, comedy and audience participation. Couldn't be better. My Niece and Nephew really enjoyed it. So did I.

"Robin Hood" next year. I want to book now, but Lorraine said to wait to see who is headlining first. Probably sensible.

2008-01-07T22:45:00.001Z

I have decided to not feel guilty about promising to blog on a subject and then not bothering. It's my blog, so there! (Yer Pynchon blows a raspberry to the Universe.)

Thoughts on the "Aladdin" pantomime will arrive shortly, probably tomorrow, along with some thoughts on the book "The Insider" by Piers Morgan, that I have been reading since January 1st.

Actually, this evening I was quite tired. Tired enough to abandon any thoughts of doing anything creative and instead deciding to vegetate in front of the TV for 3 hours watching the pilot episode of "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman" (Living TV are showing the entire series from scratch - frankly I found it mind numbingly tedious but Lorraine, who was a big fan, said that it gets better) and then "Stranger Than Fiction" (kind of brilliant and a good pointer to where Will Ferrell's career might go when the broad comedies stop being successful, which they undoubtedly will).

Nice, relaxing evening. No pressure. Sometimes you need one of those evenings, don't you?

2008-01-06T19:16:00.000Z

Boiler crisis averted. Temporarily.

The problem was with the fan, which had seized up. A couple of squirts of miracle product WD-40, and a flick of the finger, and the fan sprang into life. Hot water ahoy! Eighty quid, thank you Sir. (Not that I begrudge Engineer Guy his call out fee. If I had had the wherewithal to fix it myself, I would have done so, wouldn't I?)

Unfortunately, we still need to do something about a new boiler, sooner rather later. At present we have a Glow Worm Space Saver F, which is 15 years old which is, apparently, an eternity in the lifetime of boiler technology. Engineer Guy said the problem would occur again, possibly within weeks or months, and that the the best thing to do would be to replace the fan completely or get a new boiler installed. When he checked with regard to obtaining a new fan, he found that the exact part was coming up as 'obsolete'. Not good. However, there is a possibility that another part for the later generation of Glow Worm boilers could be found that would work just as well. He is going check when the manufacturers open and will ring us tomorrow.

Pain in the arse!

Still, it has concentrated the mind. Lorraine is now full of lofty ideas of getting solar panels put on the roof and getting the whole of our central heating system changed to utilise them. The blurb on one website we looked at says that we could "reduce your heating bills by 50% to 70%".

Great! I am all for utilising renewable energy sources. Bring it on, big time. My problem is with the fact that at the moment we have NO FUCKING MONEY! (It's all relative, of course. We are not broke. There are a lot of people worse off than us, and if we were forced to find the money, we certainly could. It's just that I don't want to go spending a lot of money at the moment. Have I mentioned that the credit card bill including the cost of the new TV has just arrived? Eeek!)

Life. It's great, isn't it?

Last night we took my Niece and Nephew to see the pantomime "Aladdin" at the Birmingham Hippodrome, starring John Barrowman. I will write about that tomorrow.

2008-01-05T10:00:00.000Z

The fucking boiler has broken down!

Yes, really. Now, I thought that the TV breaking down was stressful, but that was nothing.

Lorraine said to me gravely that, "These things come in threes, you know..."

Vile, horrible cow!

An engineer is on his way. I have my chequebook ready. I might have to arrange a loan.

2008-01-03T17:32:00.000Z

Yesterday, I changed the world. Did you notice?

You didn't notice?!?

How rude. I wish I hadn't bothered. So disappointing...

Anyway, I have a joke.

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant. A gorgeous redhead enters the restaurant alone and sits at the next table. The man considers engaging the redhead in conversation, but as he is a little bit shy, he decides against it.

Suddenly, the redhead sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. Instinctively he reaches, grabs the eye out of the air and coolly hands it back to the redhead.

"Oh my, I am so sorry" the woman says, mortified, as she pops the eye back into
place. "May I buy you dinner to make it up to you?"

The man and the redhead enjoy a wonderful dinner. Afterwards they go to the theatre, followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens carefully to everything he has to say. She smiles a lot.

After paying for everything, the redhead asks the man if he would like to come to her place for a night cap and, possibly, stay for breakfast. He says yes.

Of course, they have a wonderful time.

The next morning, the redhead cooks a gourmet meal with all of the trimmings. The man is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible and SO amazing!

"You know", says the man. "You really are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy that you meet?"

"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

(At this point in the proceedings Yer Pynchon would like to apologize to any one eyed ladies who might be reading. I am sure that you are all very lovely indeed.)

Re. New Year resolutions. I try not to get involved in such nonsense, but despite my better judgement, I did make a small resolution to myself on New Years Eve. That is, illness and holiday permitting, to try to post to the blog everyday. Hah! That resolution didn't last very long, did it? One post. Pathetic.

I do have an excuse. I was tired. For the first time whilst working at The Corporation I allowed myself to be put onto the early morning rota. Lorraine said that I would like enjoy the new experience.

So it was that I found myself staggering, shell shocked, from my bed at 4:50am, at the bus stop at 6:05am, at work at 6:40am and pretending to do some work at 7:00am. True, I was gone from the office by 3:30pm, and with a convenient lift home organised with somebody leaving the office at the same time as me, was in my house and drinking a nice cup of Kenya at 4:05pm. But by 8pm... Oh, dear, I did feel tired, which is why I got this post started nice and early.

No complaints, though. I only have to do this for a couple of days and my next set of early hours is months away. There are people who have to do these kind of hours all of the time and get home late. Respect to them. My Dad was a Dustman for more than 25 years and he used to go to get to the depot for 6am every day using public transport. I do not remember ever seeing him in the mornings, except at weekends. I have no idea how he managed without the sleep. He used to go out every night. To the pub. To the cinema with me. A force of nature. That was my Dad. Massive energy. Amazing man.

2008-01-01T17:47:00.001Z

I think that I have mostly been able to avoid the comedown. You know the comedown.

It is New Year's Day. It is a time for a new start and a new beginning. Everything is crisp and bright and shiny. What do you do on the first day?

Knock off that potentially million selling song before breakfast? Overhaul your CV? Write down that idea for a story/novel/movie/play and have a good think about it? Go for a jog? Eat a banana? Eat some muesli? Throw out all of those clothes that have been cluttering up your closet for the last 5 years?

Do you try to do something... and then find that you still feel like a failure? New year, same as the old year?

The comedown.

Only, I have fought it. I decided not to try to change the world today.

So, today I rose late, because I watched the Jools Holland annual Hootenanny until the early hours, after deciding that life was too short to suffer through any more of the tedium that was Take That at the O2 Arena. Even the Sugababes, who I love and were supporting, were dreadful and completely out of tune. I was surprised by that. They were magnificent when I saw them at the NEC early last year.

Lorraine and I watched the Christmas edition of "Extras" on Teleport. It was barely a comedy at all. An excellent piece of work, and a particularly pointed comment on fame and the pitfalls of fame, especially the 21st century fame of reality shows and tabloid notoriety. Of course it is ironic that "Extras" is co-written and directed by a successful man who at the moment never has a problem getting a table at the Ivy or getting his agent to return his calls. Maybe that moment is in his future and he knows it.

We then watched "The Rocketeer" (pulp brilliance and a clear reminder of what a knockout Jennifer Connelly was at 21, not that she is too bad at 38) and "Das Leben der Anderen Das" (a masterpiece - it made my top 10 films of last year).

I have washed up. I have done some ironing. Just need to ask Lorraine what she wants to do for the rest of the evening.

It has been an OK day and that is good. Starting tomorrow I will change the world.

2007-12-31T21:00:00.000Z

It is New Year's Eve. Happy New Year's Eve, all! Or should that be, Happy New Year?

Whatever.

It is that time again. Yer Pynchon's top 10 films of the year.

It must be said, this year I found it a lot easier to compile a list of my top 10 films. Without checking December 2006's post (I am not going back to look, because looking at old posts depresses me) I seem to remember that last year my first cut totalled 21 films before I whittled it down. This year my first cut was 17 films. Are the films getting worse or am I getting picky? Probably the latter.

Anyway, my list. As always, in no particular order.

Hah! Hark at me. As if anybody gives a toss.

I have a pain behind my eyes.

Lorraine is downstairs watching the Patrick Stewart version of "A Christmas Carol" on DVD. There seems to be something awfully wrong about watching a Christmas movie post Christmas. It feels unlucky and I want nothing to do with it.

From the window in the back room I can see my neighbour, the sexy Keren, letting off fireworks in her back garden. She has a number of friends hanging around, but except for the flashes and small explosions from the fireworks, there is no noise coming from next door at all. I like Keren a lot. She is a nice girl.

I might be getting a promotion at work and it will mean more money. I can barely keep a straight face when they talk to me about 'mentoring' and 'watching the numbers' and 'looking after the new people'. I can barely be bothered. I am crusing and I feel like a complete fraud and shyster, especially when Lorraine is working herself to death.

I have butterflies in my stomach. I do not know why.

The only resolution I am making for 2008 is to try to be happy. One way or another. Oh, yes. One more resolution. I don't want this blog to be just about movies. It was not what I intended it to be, when I started it all those years ago. Somehow I have lost sight of what I wanted. I will find it again.

I hope you all get the 2008 that you need, even if it is not the 2008 that you think you need.

Pynchon signing off for 2007.

Be lucky.

2007-12-30T16:10:00.000Z

Lorraine is still feeling like shit. As neither Lorraine or I are very good at being sick, or come to that very good at looking after the person who is being sick, you might say that tensions are high at Residence Chez Pynchon. Lorraine cannot sleep because of the coughing. Lorraine is angry, tired and annoyed. I cannot sleep because of the coughing. Ditto. Sometimes, during the night, Lorraine shouts at herself in frustration. Once, after a coughing fit, Lorraine managed to piss herself. Probably a good reason to have a shout at yourself. I know I would if it happened to me.

Lorraine intends to go to work tomorrow. That is assuming that I do not cut her throat in the night.

Swings and roundabouts, though. I came back from shopping today to a glass of Bucks Fizz and a huge slice of some kind of cream and fruit apocalypse, with extra cream poured all over it. I also got a hug. That was nice.

Time for my last two film reviews of the year. There will be no more movies seen at the cinema this year. I am all filmed out.

"I Am Legend".

It's quite interesting how the UK reviews of "I Am Legend" have panned out. The general gist seems to be that most reviewers really liked the first two thirds, but felt that all of the good work was undone by a rushed and unbalanced final third. Broadly I think I would agree with that. The first two thirds of "I Am Legend" are absolute genius, not only because of the brilliant realisation of an abandoned and devastatingly empty New York City, but because of a truly fine performance by Will Smith as Robert Neville.

3 years after a man made disease devastated the human race, Robert Neville is the last man left alive in New York City. He is haunted by dreams of his family, the way the crisis escalated out of control and the responsibility to find a 'fix'. Neville's isolation, depression and slowly building psychosis are a real thing. When night comes, Neville hides away. There is terror and there is dread, because there are things in the dark...

"I Am Legend" is a mostly great film, with a consistently great performance by Will Smith. Head and shoulders above what is the norm for a Christmas blockbuster. It is true that the ending dips into pretty predictable, CGI heavy, action heroics, but if you like that kind of thing, you will enjoy it. I just think that the ending somewhat dissipated the paranoid atmosphere built up earlier in the film. I think that the film deserved a better ending. The ending of the book would have been good. A new world born from the old.

Who am I kidding? No Hollywood studio would have gone for that ending. Way too bleak.

"Paranoid Park".

"Paranoid Park" is about what is going on in the head of a teenage boy after he has experienced a shattering trauma. He is dislocated and remote and 'not all there', or is he just in shock? It really is up to the audience to decide for themselves, because in an experimental movie like this one, no easy answers are forthcoming.

In general I quite like Gus Van Sant's films, but be aware that you need to judge each of his films on their own merits. This is hardly the Gus Van Sant of Hollywoodian mild indie fare like "To Die For", "Psycho", "Good Will Hunting" or "Finding Forrester". Stylistically "Paranoid Park" is a close cousin to his later "Elephant". Low key, quiet, internalised, sometimes naturalistic, but often dreamy, and with a chronologically fractured timeline. None of the actors seemed to be acting at all. Brilliant casting or brilliant acting? I am unsure.

Not for everybody.

I need now to go away and think about my top 10 films of the year. I bet you can hardly wait.

Back tomorrow.

2007-12-27T19:52:00.000Z

I will be brief.

Lorraine is home and is feeling like shit. She has some kind of cold or flu bug, which she has picked up from one of her Brother's two sets of twins. Shame she didn't pass it onto her Sister's vile children. (Ooooh, ain't I the nasty one?)

I feel the urge to pamper and look after Lorraine, despite the fact that she has been a pain in the arse since she arrived home. Sometimes this bloody halo hanging around my head is a real nuisance.

A word or two about yesterday's Villa game.

Chelsea 4-4 The Mighty Villa.

It was the most exciting game of football I have ever attended, with the possible exception of the 1994 Coca Cola Cup semi final against Tranmere Rovers. Villa were just fantastic. We should have won it. In fact, it feels like a win as we played practically the whole of the second half with one man down.

0-2 up at half time. Dodgy penalty decision and Zat Knight sent off. The penalty converted. 1-2. Half time. Second half. They equalised. 2-2. Then they went ahead. 3-2. Then we equalised. 3-3. Then they went ahead again. 4-3. Then, in the last minute, we got a penalty and the Iceman Gareth Barry put it away. 4-4.

Some reports are calling it the game of the season. I wouldn't disagree with that. As you can see I am a really bad reviewer of football games. I go to so few of them. Look up some of the proper reviews for yourself. All I will say is that we shat 'em.

I also saw "I Am Legend" today. I will write about that film next time.

2007-12-26T07:38:00.000Z

Just a quick post before I head into town to meet my Brother. We are off to watch the Chelsea/Villa match. I have high hopes that we can turn them over, but I don't think we have won a game on Boxing Day for ages. Never mind. The game itself is just incidental to the day out.

Nice day yesterday. Too much food. Too much drink. Very loud house. Sister 1 very stressed. Sister 2 not stressed at all. Sister 3 looking incredibly overweight. My Brother drunk and morose. My Niece and Nephew dancing to a Rihanna CD. My Mom looking very content.

I opened a couple of late presents at Sister 3's. One of them was a biro with my name on it, that I think was bought as a laugh. I hope it was bought as a laugh. I believe that Lorraine has a similar biro that will be presented to her when she returns.

I went home and watched the "Doctor Who" Christmas special. It was alright, but it probably did not match up to the trailer, a bit like all of the Christmas specials so far. La Minogue was OK. Half of the fun is in trying to work out what Russell T. Davies has included in the script that is going to have meaning later on. Remember the passing mention of "Torchwood" in the first special and the passing mention of "Mr. Saxon" who gave the order to destroy the spaceship last year? The rumour is that La Minogue has shot a little bit of footage to be used in the climax of the next series, which means that she would be appearing alongside all of the ladies that have accompanied the Doctor so far. Some kind of a trap, or is it just smoke and mirrors? I try not to delve too deep into spoiler country. Why ruin the surprise?

I need to go. Probably back tomorrow.

2007-12-25T08:02:00.000Z

Happy Christmas, everyone.

This is a new experience for me. The first time ever I have woken up on Christmas morning (ridiculously early, might I add) with nobody else in the house. I thought that I would feel depressed, but things are fine. How strange is that? True, I still have to go around to Sister 3's for lunch with the whole family, so after a couple of bottles of San Miguel, which Sister 3 has kindly got in for me, I might feel slightly differently.

There was one film I saw just prior to Christmas that I forgot to write about and that film was "It's A Wonderful Life". How appropriate that I write about it today, with it being Christmas and all that?

Is there anything actually left to write about "It's A Wonderful Life" that hasn't already been written? Forget all about it being the greatest Christmas film of all time ("The Wizard Of Oz" is also a great film, but it is not really a Christmas film), "It's A Wonderful Life" is actually one of the greatest films of all time, full stop.

Simply put, the film revolves around the life of a kind and caring, but frustrated man, who one night during the worst crisis of his life, is shown what the world would have been like if had he never been born. Funnily enough, the whole 'alternative reality' section of the movie takes up less than a quarter of the running time towards the end of the film, although it is always the thing that is mentioned when discussing the film. Prior to that plot turn we are treated to a master class in film acting from the genius that was James Stewart, running from goofy comedy, shyness, happiness, disappointment, frustration, despair and then the blackest dark night of the soul. It is one of the greatest performances in cinema history and I will fight anybody who disagrees with me.

In the packed cinema on Saturday I sat near a young woman who had obviously never seen "It's A Wonderful Life" before. Every now and again I picked up on her reactions to what was going on in the movie. Laughter, gasps and then, of course, tears. She was still wiping her eyes when the lights came up. Actually, so was I.

"It's A Wonderful Life" is a great, big, fat masterpiece and everybody should see it.

********

I have a Christmas CD to put together. Then I am going to watch some TV and then I am going to call a taxi.

Have a good day, friends.

2007-12-24T19:31:00.000Z

So, after eating two small beef wellingtons and lots of vegetables, yer Pynch feels better and decides to continue boring the universe.

Where was I? Oh, yes. The Bootleg Beatles at the NIA.

The enjoyment of any tribute band is obviously going to be dependant on how you feel about tribute bands in general. Are they a

a) Bad thing, because they stifle creativity and deny a band the chance to write and play new music?

Or are they a

b) Good thing, because they let the punters indulge in harmless nostalgia, keeping classic music alive and introducing it to new audiences who never have had the chance to see those bands live?

Personally I would go with b), but that is just me. I have seen the Bootleg Beatles 5 times in about 15 years (it would have been 6, but one year I was stricken with flu) and have enjoyed the gig every time. I'm afraid that enjoyment of a gig will win out every time over high minded ideals of music having to move forward constantly.

This time there was some fiddling with the structure of the show. Normally the show is in sections (1962 through 1963, 1964 through 1965, 1966, 1967 and then 1968 through 1969), split by archive footage, shown on the big screen, of the news and music events at the time. This time around the band skipped almost the entirety of 1964 (except "I Feel Fine") and 1966 (except for "Eleanor Rigby" and "Yellow Submarine") which meant that some of my very favourite songs were not performed. ("Paperback Writer", "Taxman", "And Your Bird Can Sing" and "A Hard Day's Night".) Oh, well. Never mind. There were a handful of songs played that I certainly have never heard the band play live before, including "Across The Universe", "This Boy" and "If I Needed Someone" and that made up for it.

The Bootleg Beatles are very good at what they do. Musically they are really good and accurate and crucially it is all done with some humour. How about , "We'll just play another hit before we split up again..." or "Paul needs the money, so we're going to play this one..." or 'John' starting to play "Imagine" before stopping with the comment, "Sorry, I haven't written that one yet".

Well, I thought it was funny.

It was a really good gig. At least 7000 people in the cut down NIA thought so to. Up and dancing from the beginning.

2007-12-24T14:12:00.000Z

Just checking in. I don't know where the time has gone. Maybe I am crashing. Time is speeding up and slowing down. Two gigs and two films in two days. Late nights and early starts. Definitely not enough sleep and definitely not eating properly. I will remedy that later. I am going nowhere else today.

So, where was I? This might be a bit all over the place, chronologically.

"We Own The Night".

My Brother claims that he fell asleep four times during "We Own The Night" because it was so slow. That's not good. He also claims that the latter parts of the film were good and that it had a strong climax. That is good. I would definitely call that a mixed review.

There have been a lot of mixed reviews of "We Own The Night" in the UK. The general gist of the seems to have been that "We Own The Night" compares badly to other recent crime dramas like "The Departed". Well, I have never seen "The Departed", and obviously cannot comment, but I didn't think that "We Own The Night" was bad at all, and I certainly didn't fall asleep.

Joaquin Phoenix is successful night club manager Bobby Green. At heart he is a decent guy, but he exists on fringes of the Russian underworld, and knows too many of the wrong people. His father Bert (Robert Duvall) is a dedicated and honest career policeman, a path destined to be taken by his brother Joe (Mark Wahlberg), recently promoted within the force to fight the kind of crime associated with Bobby's friends. Bobby has kept his family background quiet, even going so far as to change his last name. Family loyalty is tested when a request for help is rejected and somebody is hurt. Bobby then finds himself in danger and his life starts to unravel.

I thought that "We Own The Night" was a good film, with Joaquin Phoenix being particularly impressive as Bobby, centre stage and onscreen for almost the entire movie. During the latter stages his sense of dread, hopelessness and stress are almost palpable. Add to this great supporting turns from a serious and rigid Mark Wahlberg (be aware he has much less screen time than you might think), a smoking hot Eva Mendes and an aged and powerful Robert Duvall, and you have something really worth seeing.

Ocean Colour Scene at the Carling Academy.

I have seen Ocean Colour Scene live three times.

The first time was at the tail end of Britpop (1997?) where they played at the full sized NIA and Paul Weller guested on a couple of tracks. They were OK, but the venue was too big for them.

The second time was in 2002, again at the full sized NIA. They were supporting Oasis. Frankly they blew a bored and disinterested Oasis off the stage. Just brilliant. A fantastic set of all of their best songs.

The third time was last night.

I cannot in all honesty say that they were as fantastic as they were in 2002, but they were better than in 1997, and as pre-Christmas hometown gigs go it was pretty good. True, I was as pissed as a skunk, my Brother and I having been in the Square Peg for a couple of hours. So much for my Brother acting as a break on my drinking too much.

This is a new one. I have a set list. I nabbed it from one of the sound engineers as the gig ended.

"The Riverboat Song"
"Man In The Middle"
"The Circle"
"Get Blown Away"
"You Got It Bad"
"I Just Need Myself"
"It's My Shadow"
"Robin Hood"
"I Won't Get Grazed"
"Foxy Folked Faced"
"This Day Should Last Forever"
"100 Mile High City"
"Just Got Over You"
"July"
"Profit In Peace"
"One For The Road"
"Travellers Tune"
"Got To Sea Boy"
"Get Away"

"Better Day"
"The Day We Caught The Train"
"Day Tripper"

Now, that was a pretty good set. Mad crowd. Lot's of dancing. Lot's of singing along, in between the drinking. Not bad for a band who are still very tied into a specific point in British music, as are the much more successful Oasis, truth be told. I would go to see Ocean Colour Scene again and I won't leave it 5 years next time.

Here is one of their absolute classics. "We are, we are, we are the Mods!"

At the gig I ran into a guy who used to work at The Corporation and from the way I was greeted you would have thought that I was his best friend ever. I wasn't. In fact he was a miserable shit who made Lorraine's job very difficult. She danced around without her bra on when he finally left. (At home, not at work, more's the pity.) Christmas bonhomie. We shook hands. We chewed the fat. We had drinks. We embraced at the end and he fucked off into the crowd. Sometimes you just have to hold your tongue, don't you?

I am feeling a little dizzy. Probably a good time to stop and eat something. Back later.

2007-12-22T10:58:00.000Z

One year gone, Benny. I miss you, big lad.

I have finished work now until next Friday. Last night was The Corporation's Christmas Party. I didn't go. I couldn't be arsed. I did leave work with mine and Lorraine's Secret Santa presents. Mine was a bloody huge, heavy parcel, on which somebody had written "Slightly over the budget, but you deserve it, John". (The budget this year was a fiver.) Hmm... I didn't recognise the handwriting. A secret admirer, then?

Instead I spent the evening wrapping Christmas presents and watching "Cabaret" on cable. I haven't seen that film in years. It's a great film. I really should make the effort to go down to the smoke to see the production at the Lyric theatre, starring Amy Nutall and Julian Clary. I have been promising myself that for a long time. Although how Amy Nutall will compare to Liza Minnelli or Julian Clary to the sheer malevolence that was Joel Grey, I really don't know.

I was up at 6am this morning to get shopping done. Sainsburys and Marks and Spencer. The shops were busy, even early in the morning, but I was still all done by 10am. It is a really strange experience shopping for one. I have probably bought way too much.

This afternoon I am going to see "It's A Wonderful Life" at the MAC, and from there it is up to the NIA to see the Bootleg Beatles.

Time for some breakfast, a couple of phone calls and then a nap.

Have a good day folks.

2007-12-20T20:32:00.001Z

Lorraine has just phoned. She has got to her destination safely.

Do I need to write about how much I miss her nuisance and about how quiet the house is without her in it? Do I need to write about how cold I felt standing in the hallway on my own and about how I felt so disheartened at the thought of cooking for myself, that all I have had is a mince pie and a beer for my tea?

No. I don't need to write about any of that. I will adjust. I will feel better tomorrow. It's not as if she has gone for good.

Anyway, it has been a busy couple of days. Two films and one gig.

On Tuesday morning I went to see "Enchanted".

Oh, my... Excuse my French, but "Enchanted" is just fucking fantastic. So good and enchanting (see what I did there?) that when the movie was over I practically floated out of the cinema.

Seriously, "Enchanted" is a really great family movie, and this is from a man who hardly ever watches family movies at the cinema. If you like, "Enchanted" is a Disney movie for people who hate Disney movies. Comedy for the kids, knowing in-jokes for the adults and a brilliant central performance by Amy Adams as Giselle, cartoon ingenue come to life, all wide eyed innocence and fluttering hand movements. If you see a more game and better comedic performance this year, please let me know, but I doubt if you will. Amy Adams is just wonderful.

Great supporting performances from cynical divorce lawyer with a heart of gold, Patrick Dempsey, more square jawed that any man in history, James Marsden, villainous hag and evil witch queen, Susan Sarandon and snivelling henchman, Timothy Spall. Not to forget the comedy chipmunk. Or was it a comedy rat?

I think that "Enchanted" is well worth the trip to your local fleapit.

On Tuesday evening I went to see From The Jam featuring Bruce Foxton and Rick Buckler, at the Carling Academy in Birmingham.

I am going to cheat, because I am feeling lazy.

Let me direct you to a good review of a From The Jam show, written by Swiss Toni a couple of weeks ago, that you can find here, and my own review of the Wulfrun Hall show I went to back in May, that you can find here. If I bothered to write a new review I would mostly only be repeating myself, because From The Jam (again) were just bloody brilliant.

Differences this time.

Yer Pynch was not smashed out of his face. His Brother wasn't drinking much, so neither did he.
Yer Pynch did not pass out. See above.
The band opened with "All Mod Cons" and "To Be Someone (Didn't We Have A Nice Time)" (which is the greatest post Britpop song of all time, by the way) instead of "In The City" and (I think) "Thick As Thieves".
There were no Suburban Hen lookalikes anywhere in sight. In fact, thinking about it, I don't think I saw anybody of the fair female form anywhere in the venue.

It was a really great gig. I think that Bruce and Rick are onto a winner here. Maybe a Christmas tour will be a regular occurrence, like the annual Madness and Pogues gigs? Maybe From The Jam will produce a new album and it will be fantastic.

Maybe.

On Wednesday morning I went to see "Hitman".

As personality free, vacuous and empty, but gorgeous looking action movies go, "Hitman" wasn't bad at all. True, Timothy Olyphant was a bit miscast as a baldy action star (Jason Statham might have been better) he did his best, but "Hitman" did entertain me and had some great set pieces, and Olga Kurylenko was a beautiful as she was in "Le Serpent", albeit maybe a little thin. I just don't think I understood or got all of "Hitman" in the way I was supposed to.

Before I saw "Hitman" I talked to a guy at work who is a dedicated computer game player and he asked me if I liked the previous computer game adaptation, "Doom". I told him that I thought "Doom" was a piece of shit. He smiled and said that in that case to forget about seeing "Hitman" , because I wouldn't get the references, the imagery or the nods to the game playing scenarios in the original game.

Maybe he was right, but I have always been of the opinion that a movie adaptation of material from another source, should not limit your audience to only those with an in depth knowledge of the source. Your audience should be everybody with the potential to want to sit through your movie. True, you have to be relatively faithful to the source material, otherwise why bother with the source material at all?, but the requirements of making an interesting movie should come first and foremost.

I liked "Hitman" well enough. A decent enough movie for a Wednesday morning, but that was about all. It is not a classic, but I imagine it will make it's money back on sell through.

2007-12-19T18:31:00.000Z

It has been a busy couple of days, but as it is the last evening that Lorraine and I will be spending together until late next week, as tomorrow she disappears down south to spend Christmas with her family, I think that writing about "Enchanted", From The Jam and "Hitman" can wait until another time.

No time to read any blogs, but I hope that everyone is well.

Back tomorrow.

2007-12-17T20:51:00.000Z

This evening's post has been derailed somewhat, because my memory was playing tricks on me. Good job I did a little bit of research before I wrote anything down, isn't it?

I will explain.

It's old news anyway, because it was announced last week, that at next year's Brit Awards Paul McCartney will be picking up the Lifetime Achievement Award.

Well deserved, if you ask me, but of course I would say that. Everyone who knows me knows that I am a huge Beatles fan. (I'll be at the Bootleg Beatles gig at the NIA at the weekend, kids!) The Beatles were one of the great bands and I personally think that some of Macca's solo work has also been very good. Even if you are a Macca hater, and they are legion, you would have to agree that even if the criteria for a Lifetime Acheivement Award were only longevity as a recording artist (45 years and counting) and record sales (large, very large), he would have to be a prime candidate.

However, I had problems with the choice because, as I remembered it, Macca had already picked up the Lifetime Achivement Award at a Brit Awards in the early 80's, when that ceremony was still called the Bristish Rock and Pop Awards. Why should Macca pick up the award again when a multitude of other artists had yet to be celebrated?

Like...

The Rolling Stones.
Led Zeppellin
Phil Collins/Genesis. (Certainly not my cup of tea, but they have sold a lot of records over a very long time.)
Steve Winwood.
Elvis Costello.
Blur. (If they can give it to Oasis, they certainly should give it to Blur.)
Pink Floyd.
Ray Davies and the Kinks.
Sting.
The Pet Shop Boys.
Depeche Mode.
UB40.
Brian Ferry and Roxy Music.
Robbie Williams? (No apologies. I love him.)

I could go on and on, but hopefully you get my drift.

True, I seem to have read somewhere that a pre-requiste to picking up the award is the willingness to perform live on the night, but that does not always happen. Queen won the award in 1990 and did not perform. True, if Freddie Mercury had not been seriously ill it might have been a different story.

I certainly do not think that pop music started and ended with the Beatles, or the Sixties come to that, and rather than giving Macca the award twice somebody else should have been given the nod, even if they had chosen not to perform.

Except...

I then found out that Macca has never received a Lifetime Achivement Award at the Brit Awards or the British Rock and Pop Awards. He won Best Male Singer once, but that is neither here nor there.

About time he got it then!!

Ho hum.

I don't even know why I continued with the post. Kind of pointless. Paint myself into a corner.

Talk amongst yourselves.

2007-12-15T23:57:00.000Z

Yes, last night the TV blew up, with a very loud bang, a retina burning flash of light and kind of attractive wisps of smoke coming from the back of it. I was surprised the electricity stayed on and the windows stayed intact. It was a very loud bang.

The bad news: When the 5 year renewal date for cover came up in October last year we decided not to renew. Shit.

The good news: We were forced to buy a new TV and stand. It did cost a bomb, so why was this good news? Well, let me explain.

The new TV is a lovely Panasonic. Black finish, 32 inch widescreen, good sound quality, as thin as an After Eight mint, HD ready and with a built in Freeview box. (Not that built in Freeview box was ever a deciding factor. We have always relied on our cable box for TV pictures as our Aeriel reception has always been shit because of the... er... absence of an Aeriel. Lorraine told me a long time ago that the daft woman who lived in the house before us took the Aeriel with her from the loft when she left. I've never questioned that story. I stuck my head in the loft once, but have never actually been in there.)

As I have the physical dexterity of Laurel and Hardy, Lorraine put the stand together, hooked up the TV, DVD player and cable box, plugged in the Aeriel cable (although we knew that it would not produce much) and turned it all on. She went through the setup and... oooh, fantastic. Glorious pictures, great sound, etc.

The interesting thing was that the cable box was not switched on. Where were the pictures coming up? God? The future? (I have seen "Prince Of Darkness". Forget what the critics said about it. It is one of John Carpenter's best films.) No. They were coming from the digital Aeriel in the loft that neither of us knew anything about. It had been there for 6 years, at least.

So, where exactly did the story of the Aeriel being removed from the loft come from? Did Lorraine really believe that story or had she made it up? Maybe she been in the loft and just happened to miss it? Possibly. I am not going to pursue it.

We now have a cracking TV with Freeview and a few more channels. True, the TV cost a bomb, but we can live with that.

Inside every cloud there is a silver lining, and all that kind of thing...

On top of that Leon won "The X-Factor". Excellent. I didn't mind Rhydian, or Same Difference come to that, but it is nice to see the underdog win sometimes.

It has been a good day.

2007-12-14T22:14:00.000Z

The fucking TV has blown up.

2007-12-13T21:41:00.000Z

You might say that Christmas has finally started at Residence Chez Pynchon.

Lorraine has cluttered the living room with trimmings, singing polar bears, saxophone playing snowmen, rapping Santa Claus', fibre optic Christmas trees and flashing lights (both draining precious resources from the National Grid), chocolate and wooden advert calenders. I can barely walk across the room without tripping over some bloody stray elf.

Pain in the arse. Bah, humbug, grumble, moan.

My Christmas shopping for presents for Lorraine is now complete with the purchase of two tickets for the Birmingham Hippodrome production of the musical "Doctor Dolittle" in May. It will star the legendary Tommy Steele. Apparently 70 years ago, when Lorraine was a young woman, she saw Tommy Steele performing at the London Palladium and never quite recovered from it. I am sure she will like the present.

There may be one more present. Neil Diamond is touring next year and will be at the O2 Arena in June. Seventy quid or so a ticket, without the booking fee.

Hmm... Do I want tickets for Lorraine or for me? That is the question, isn't it?

I feel a clip coming on.

2007-12-12T22:23:00.000Z

I was very sad to read today that Terry Pratchett has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.

I came late to Pratchett' work. In fact I started reading the 5th book in his Discworld series ("Sourcery") only last week. All good, funny books so far and lots more to go. Lorraine has read practically all of the Discworld books.

Part of Pratchett's statement on his condition.

"I know it's a very human thing to say 'is there anything I can do', but in this case I would only entertain offers from very high-end experts in brain chemistry."

Nice one.

Get well soon, Mr. Pratchett.

2007-12-11T22:33:00.000Z

As yer Pynchon manages to get over himself, he decides today to write about "The Golden Compass".

The fine writer Tom Stoppard apparently wrote an early screenplay adaptation of "Northern Lights" (the original title of the first novel in Phillip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy). It was never used as it was rejected by the director Chris Weitz who wrote his own screenplay. One day I would very much like to read Tom Stoppard's screenplay, as I am sure that it must have been better than the near shambles of an adaptation that I witnessed last Sunday.

(Saying that, I have also read comments on the web from people who have compared Stoppard's version with Weitz's original, early draft of "The Golden Compass" and said that Weitz's version was better than Stoppard's and was also longer and more satisfying than the filmed version. If that is the case, why the hell wasn't Weitz's original screenplay used? Distrust that an audience could sit through a long fantasy film, maybe? Or was it just down to money? Anyway, onwards...)

The key to a good, literary cinematic adaptation is what to leave in, what to take out and what to amalgamate. On those terms Chris Weitz's "The Golden Compass" fails completely to get to grips with the literary source. (Check out "L. A. Confidential", if you want to see what I mean by a good cinematic adaptation. That film had 400 characters reduced to 40, and although the Ellroy's original ending was fudged, it was still a brilliant literary adaptation.)

"The Golden Compass" is way too cluttered, busy and disjointed and way, way too fast. It proceeds at a breakneck pace through nearly all of the plot of "Northern Lights" and is squeezed uncomfortably into a sub 2 hours running time. "The Golden Compass" should have been longer. I reckon another hour might have done it justice. (Put this note in your diary. This may be the first time yer Pynchon has ever suggested that a film is too short. Normally it is the opposite way around.)

... And the worst thing about "The Golden Compass"? The ending. Awful. Rubbish. Truncated. Hated it. It completely omitted the crucial, turnabout events of the last 3 chapters of "Northern Lights", and in the process, the true cliffhanger. I believe that the material was filmed. Some of the footage made it into at least one of the trailers I have seen.

"The Golden Compass" does look amazing. Good production design, mostly good special effects (some of the armoured bear CGI is ropey) and the realisation of the daemons is very well done. It also has a fair share of good performances, especially Dakota Blue Richards and Nicole Kidman. Daniel Craig as Lord Asriel is good, although he is not as good as Philip Pullman's choice of Jason Isaac might have been.

Disappointing then, but only for me. Lorraine said she liked it, but I think she said that just to piss me off.

********

In a recent survey 100 people were asked:

“Are there too many foreigners in Britain ?”

The results are as follows:

20%: Yes

10%: No

70%: معهد الأمن العالمي بواشنطن.

2007-12-10T22:58:00.000Z

It is never a good idea to re-read old posts and realise that the energy, the humour and, basically, the quality of the writing has gone downhill. (As if there is any quality about what I do.) Nothing much about me, anymore. Just stuff about films, films, films and more films. A million people do that better than me.

I don't think I will bother tonight.

2007-12-09T22:09:00.001Z

Niki voted off "The X-Factor"?

Fuck off! Bollocks. Fucking outrageous! I piss on the taste of the British public.

Maybe I am taking this too seriously, but I have been waiting to write that since last night.

Anyway, here is the lady doing a really cracking song.

In other news I saw "The Golden Compass" this afternoon. I will write about that tomorrow.

2007-12-08T18:27:00.000Z

"August Rush".

Young Evan Taylor (Freddie Highmore) is the result of a one night stand between wannabe rock star Louis Connelly (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and talented cellist Lyla Novacek (Keri Russell). Evan has been brought up in an orphanage and has never known his parents, but he has a dream that one day, if they get to hear his music, they will come to him...

I rather enjoyed "August Rush" for it's (yes) fine music and good performances, including an extended, quite dark and sinister faginesque cameo by Robin Williams, an actor hardly known for his restraint on the big screen. "August Rush" is a definitely a fantasy, a mood piece, as insubstantial as tissue paper and definitely one to avoid if you are of a cynical bent.

As enjoyable as it is, I am not at all sure if "August Rush" will find an audience (although it did run for two weeks at that bastion of the blockbuster, the Cineworld multiplex on Broad Street in Birmingham), being too sentimental and dippy for an adult audience and too self consciously poetic and slow for a young audience.

Who cares? I liked it.

2007-12-07T23:09:00.000Z

How strange. The last couple of comments received on the blog did not send an automatic email to my email address, but the comment I just put on did send an email.

Hmm... Sorry for ignoring anybody. I wasn't really.

I will write about "August Rush" tomorrow. I know what I want to say, but I have kind of run out of time. I promised Lorraine that I would go into work with her early tomorrow and I should have been in bed an hour ago.

Re. Work, things are afoot. Good things, despite my best efforts to sabotage them.

Next time.

2007-12-06T20:52:00.000Z

My intention for December was to post every day, regardless of whether I had anything to write or not. Well, that was one thing I never managed to do. Sorry about that. I was watching the season 1 finale of "Heroes", which was a bit underwhelming if I'm honest, and then it was late and I was tired.

I'm here now, lucky people.

Over my extended weekend I saw two films at the cinema. The first was "Fred Claus".

For adults (kids have different criteria) enjoyment of "Fred Claus" is going to be completely down to if you like the character Vince Vaughan has been peddling since "Swingers". You know that guy. Selfish, crass, loud, brash and supremely confident. If you don't like that character, stay away. "Fred Claus" ain't gonna be for you.

However, if you do like that character, and I do like Vince Vaughan an awful lot, "Fred Claus" is a really enjoyable movie. Yes, there is a headlong lurch into sentimentally towards the end (de riguer for any family comedy?), but most of it is scurrilous and funny and silly. Plenty of entertainment for kids (I particularly liked Santa's ninja bodyguards), adults (the sibling support group joke is really funny) and film fans (the nod towards Kevin Spacey's role in "Superman Returns").

Or if none of that is interesting enough, you could always just ogle Rachel Weisz and Elizabeth Banks. I know I did.

Lorraine wants the laptop. I'll write about "August Rush" tomorrow.

2007-12-04T16:40:00.000Z

Crowded House at the Birmingham NEC, 3rd December 2007.

Any band that decides to reform, record and tour after a long layoff (11 years in the case of Crowded House), inevitably will face problems in the live arena. Not problems in being unable to play (certainly not the case here), but in what to play. If, for instance, the Floyd (Hi there Mark!) decided to reform and tour a new record, do you think that the shouts for "Comfortably Numb" would drown out the new songs? I think that it would. Or maybe Floyd fans are more patient than most?

Crowded House released a new album "Time On Earth" in July. It's very good and, quite rightly, went top 3 in the UK. Obviously the guys wanted to play some of those songs live, and they did.

I don't think the (typically) apathetic crowd at the Birmingham NEC were particularly bothered about the new songs. Maybe that's to be expected, but they remained impatiently glued to their seats until the band kicked into "It's Only Natural". Then they were on their feet and dancing and all was right with the world. Really right with the world. Maybe the band should have started with something like "Chocolate Cake" or "Locked Out" ? I think so. Get 'em going straight away.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll write the guys a letter. My advice is always sought by discerning individuals.

Anyway, minor gripes aside, Crowded House were just spectacular. Just wonderful. The third time I've seen them in 15 years (the first two times only 6 months apart) and still brilliant. Still purveyors of superior, emotional and evocative pop music, and a fine line in audience participation.

How's this for some of the songs? Not in any order and I have missed a stack out.

"Distant Sun", "Weather With You", "Better Be Home Soon", "Into Temptation", "Don't Dream It's Over", "Locked Out", "It's Only Natural", "Pour Le Monde", "Fall At Your Feet", "There Goes God", "Italian Plastic" (which they dedicated to Paul Hester), "Four Seasons In One Day", "Pineapple Head".

You know those songs, and if you don't, what the hell is wrong with you?

Apparently Crowded House are going into the studio next year to record a new album, so no doubt another tour will happen when that is released. I hope so. I will be there even if my Brother may not. He vanished during the encore, saying that he had to go to the toilet. 8 lagers will do that to you.

2007-12-03T23:37:00.000Z

I am back from Crowded House. I am magnificently drunk having had, what you might say, a cracking time with my Brother. My sing-a-long vocals were brilliant, thanks for asking.

I am way too drunk to write anything sensible now, so I will do so tomorrow.

Not too drunk to find a great clip off You Tube, though.

RIP: Paul Hester.

Update: 4th December 2007 @ 11:00.
Of course it helps to actually click on the 'Publish Post' button, doesn't it?

Miracle of miracles, no hangover. So, I am off to see "August Rush". Back later.

2007-12-02T23:06:00.000Z

"The Nines".

Ryan Reynolds is Gary, a slightly dim and befuddled actor, under house arrest.

Ryan Reynolds is Gavin, a gay writer, trying to get his TV pilot picked up by the network.

Ryan Reynolds is Gabriel, a games designer, trying to get a signal so that he can make a call on his mobile phone.

Who are all of these people and why do they all look like Ryan Reynolds?

It's an almost impossible task to review "The Nines" without the risk of spoilers, so I am not going to try. It would be a vile crime against one of the best films of the year for any spoilers to be aired here. So, in the vaguest possible terms I can muster, "The Nines" is about alternative realities, games, God, TV, friendship, betrayal, drugs, family life and numbers.

"The Nines" is a brilliant piece of work, in the tradition of the fractured storytelling of movies like David Lynch's "Lost Highway" and "Mulholland Drive". It is a true jigsaw puzzle of a movie and will leave you scratching your head and wanting more. Great performances from Ryan Reynolds (who would have thought it?), Hope Davis (expected) and Melissa McCarthy (never heard of her).

I thought that "The Nines" was a really great film. Straight into my top 10 of the best films of 2007.

2007-12-01T20:47:00.000Z

Never shag a retarded dwarf.

It's not big and it's not clever.

2007-11-30T10:38:00.000Z

No work for me until Wednesday. Monday I am going with my Brother to see Crowded House at the NEC. Tuesday I will be recovering from going with my Brother to see Crowded House at the NEC.

Today... Well, today I just fancied a day off, but I also had plans. Today was going to be a blur of cinema going, filing, ringing the Tax Office over a weird letter I got from them about a shortfall of NI contributions for the period 2005 through 2006, ringing my pension provider to increase my contributions from January 2008, buying Christmas presents, hoovering, food shopping and a million other things. I say was because I haven't done a thing because the water has been off. From the sound of the water tank, it looks like it is just coming back on.

We had a note from Severn Trent last week saying that they were going to do be doing maintenance overnight, last night, from 9pm to 6am. Fair enough. I suppose these things have to happen. This morning I got up early because I promised Lorraine I would cook breakfast for her, being the nice boyfriend and all that guff. I noticed that there was only a trickle of water out of the kitchen tap. Lorraine leapt into the shower. She was lucky. There was enough water in the tank for her, but I have been bereft all morning.

I rang Severn Trent. There was a problem. They expected the water to be back 'later'. 'When later?' 'Don't know.'

Okey dokey.

I have been fretting. I have been moving from room to room, carrying the phone waiting for it to ring. I watched the extras on my "Gangsters" DVD. I made a cup of tea. I drank my cup of tea. I had a piss in my back garden, watched by a squirrel. He admired the size of my manhood and will no doubt tell his friends about it. I went back into the house. I sat down. I stood up. I checked my email. Waste of a morning. There was nothing wrong with the phone. I could have made my phone calls.

Never mind.

I suppose I had better have a wash.

2007-11-28T22:56:00.000Z

Last Saturday I went to see "Shrooms".

Some media wag in the UK has summed up "Shrooms" as 'Blair Witch on Acid'. (Good line, that. It made it onto the poster!) That is a pretty accurate description, seeing as "Shrooms" deals with a group of disparate teenagers sampling natures' favourite hallucinogenic of choice in an isolated forest miles from civilization, whilst being picked off one by one by a force or forces unknown.

"Shrooms" is not a particularly original film. The plot is just a variation on a theme which has been mined many, many times over the years (how many films can you name about a group of isolated teenagers being butchered in interesting ways?), and the ending is not a surprise. But all is not lost because "Shrooms" does boast interesting imagery and cinematography, a handful of jump-out-of-your-seat scares and a good performance by Lindsay Haun. Actually Lindsay Haun is really good. She makes up for the (sometimes) variable performances of the rest of the cast.

"Shrooms". Not bad, but nothing new.

2007-11-26T22:35:00.000Z

A week ago last Saturday I saw "Good Luck Chuck". About time I wrote about it, isn't it? There will be spoilers.

What do I care about credibility? I thought that "Good Luck Chuck" was funny.

Of course it goes without saying that "Good Luck Chuck" really is a load of crap. However, it does deliver exactly what it says on the tin (or in the trailer) and you can hardly complain about being misled if you hand over your pounds, dollars, rand or groats to see it.

"Good Luck Chuck" is gross, crass, sexist, probably misogynist, has lots and lots of gratuitous nudity (even if the lovely Jessica Alba's no nudity clause just about manages to stay intact - boo, hiss!), fat jokes, slapstick comedy and penguin porn.

Actually, thinking about it, "Good Luck Chuck" has a pretty good setup for a porno comedy. Dentist Charlie is cursed in that every woman he sleeps with eventually leaves him and finds true love in the arms of their very next partner. Women flock to Charlie and that's great, but then Charlie meets his perfect girl. Can Charlie break the curse?

'Course he can. But you knew that.

As romantic comedies go, "Good Luck Chuck" isn't bad. There are a lot worse movies about.

I laughed a lot. Forgive me.

2007-11-25T22:01:00.000Z

Not a new thought this, by any means, but do you ever get the feeling that your life is not your own?

For instance, take Thursday evening. I wanted to write. I was actually on my way up the stairs to the computer when Lorraine uttered the dread phrase

"Can you help me buy something on the Internet?"

and all my plans went out of the window. Lorraine is much smarter than me, and she knows full well that I cannot resist the urge to show off my massive knowledge of the in's and out's of Internet shopping. So, needless to say, I ended up stuck on her laptop for TWO FUCKING HOURS while she searched for books and cakes, changed her mind, changed her mind again, got her card details wrong, got her card details right and eventually finished the order. The only thing that stopped me from throttling her (I actually had my hands around her throat) was the fact that "Californication" was starting on Channel 5 and I am an addict for my weekly fix of David Duchovny and co behaving badly. (I love "Californication". This is opposed to Lorraine who just loves David Duchovny. She has referred to him as "too beautiful to live" on more than one occasion.) Then it was too late to do anything as I needed my beauty sleep.

Friday evening, Lorraine wanted us to watch "Die Hard" on DVD, from the box set of "Die Hard" films we bought recently. Now I have seen "Die Hard" about a million times (it is one of my favourite action films of all time), and I probably would have declined, if her exact words had not been

"Wouldn't it be nice for us to watch a film together, like we used to?"

which I couldn't disagree with. So, the evening, again, was lost, but at least we would be doing something together. (I could think of other things we could do together, but that is still off limits for the moment and I am not going to go into that again.)

We finished eating and I stuck the film on. About an hour in (agents Johnson and Johnson of the FBI had just arrived) I became aware of a horrible, groaning noise. I looked around. It was coming from Lorraine's chair.

The bitch was asleep and snoring.

~~I threw my cup of tea at her.~~ I gently patted her on the shoulder. She woke up, said she was tired, apologised, farted and went to bed.

Too late to do bugger all, I also went to bed.

Saturday evening. Similar to Thursday evening. The eye plucking torture of Lorraine Internet Shopping, this time for chocolate advent calenders. Too big? Too small? Iced? Not iced? Christmas delivery date? Non Christmas delivery date?

I hung a noose from the ceiling and stuck my head through it. I was standing on the chair and ready to jump when I realised that "The X-Factor" was about to start, so I watched that instead. (Is it me, or are Hope absolutely rubbish? True, they are all pretty girls, except for the one who looks like a rugby player in drag, and I suppose that counts for a lot. I am sure they will be gone next week. Then again, I have been saying that for at least 3 weeks.)

Today we went to the Festive Gift Fair at the NEC. A couple of weeks ago we agreed that this year we would give it a miss. Same old, same old. Nothing new. Too hot, too many people, too much pushing and shoving. Too much spending money on shite.

A week or two ago Ian, Lorraine's step dad, rang her up.

"Are you going to the Festive Gift Fair this year? Penny (Ian's wife) would like to go, but only if you and John are going."

"Of course we're going!", said Lorraine. "We'll see you there." The voice of the Asp that bit Cleopatra on the ass.

The Festive Gift Fair. Same old, same old. Nothing new. Too hot, too many people, too much pushing and shoving. Too much spending money on shite. (Actually, this year I hardly spent any money at all. I purchased a massive two items. A 3 bottle set of Spyder Ginger Beer - cracking drink, you should try it - and a bacon sandwich, and that only because I was hungry. Lorraine bought a wooden advent calender, a fancy nail care set, toys, books, a steam cleaner - although I think Lorraine already has a steam cleaner that has never actually made it out of the box - and other stuff that is so boring it has already been wiped from my memory.)

I could have stayed at home. I could have gone to the cinema! But I figure that doing something with Lorraine is better than doing nothing with her, even if it is taking up lots of time. Maybe that is what a relationship is all about? Ain't I just a saint?

I have a lot of things to catch up on, blog wise. Films, music, events. I will do so this week.

It's good to be back. Boring? Yes?

2007-11-24T18:27:00.001Z

It's not that I don't want to write. The problem is that life is getting in the way, and it is going to do it again tonight.

I am fine. I will return, and when I do I will be so boring that you will wish I had never come back.

2007-11-21T22:18:00.000Z

England 2-3 Croatia.

Bye bye, Steve McClaren. Surely he cannot continue after this?

2007-11-20T22:51:00.000Z

The last 5 days.

Too much drink. Too much food. Too much TV. Absolutely no inclination to write anything at all, despite the fact that there were things to write about.

(My thoughts on the reasons for my track choices in Shuffleathon 2007. The film "Good Luck Chuck" , that I saw on Sunday. An email to a friend about a couple of CD's that I got from her. Daft Sister 2 buying a secondhand PC for 20 quid - yes, 20 quid! or, if you prefer, 41 US Dollars, 46 Australian Dollars, 40 Canadian Dollars or 277 South African Rand - from a guy she met at her mental health course, which turned out to be a bit of a bargain, especially once we found out that it was faster than my Brother's 900 quid computer, had all sorts of free software on it, and got it hooked up to my Brother's wireless Broadband.)

Over the past few days I have been lethargic, pissed off and fed up. Silences with Lorraine, interspersed with arguments, a quite good day on Saturday and a dispiriting wank on Sunday evening ,with Lorraine begrudgingly assisting.

Depressed? Yes, maybe depressed. Perhaps something to do with the dark mornings and the dark evenings and the weather?

No. I don't believe that. I don't deny that other people might feel the weight of Winter pressing in, but I don't think I am one of them. I like Autumn and Winter.

Maybe I just couldn't be arsed. Maybe I still can't.

I'm sorry if people are worried.

2007-11-15T21:54:00.000Z

"Here we are now"
"Entertain us"

Er... Not tonight, Josephine.

2007-11-14T23:12:00.001Z

I have been trying to do some writing, but it is all rubbish. I will try again tomorrow. Maybe I am just tired.

2007-11-12T21:35:00.001Z

The second horror film I saw at the weekend was "Saw IV".

There will be ~~blood~~ sorry, spoilers, re. some of the previous films, so if you want to skip this post, I will forgive you.

I liked "Saw" and "Saw II". I thought that they were tight, nasty, gory, ingenious little horror films. True, at heart they were nothing more than superior torture porn, but gruesomely entertaining nevertheless. People much cleverer than me will write volumes about why some people find violence and horror so entertaining, and I have thoughts on that, but those thoughts can wait for another time.

About a year ago I saw "Saw III". At the time I wrote that I liked it, but in retrospect I would admit that "Saw III" was probably not as good as the first two films. At the end of my little review I wrote the following.

'The ending of "Saw III" is setup nicely for a sequel, but maybe it will be one movie too many?'

One movie too many? Maybe. Either way, I thought that "Saw IV" was the weakest entry in the series so far because of the lack of clarity in the plot, the really confusing and fragmented telling of the story and the fact that the viewer needed an encyclopedic knowledge of the first three films to make head or tails of what was going on. I would imagine that a punter coming in off the street to watch this film, having not seen any of the other films, would be absolutely sunk. Sometimes exposition is needed, especially in a second sequel.

True, there were some good ideas in "Saw IV". With the death of Jigsaw and his assistant Amanda at the end of "Saw III", it was interesting the direction that the filmmakers took. I liked the way that they chose to investigate the motivations of Jigsaw, showing flashbacks to his life, his relationships and the sequence of events that turned him into a serial killer with a moral purpose. I also liked the devilish (final?) set of traps, set to ensnare unsuspecting victims even after his death. (My favourite was the scalping machine. Eeek! If I had more hair I would be holding onto it now.)

Hang on a minute! I think I have just convinced myself that "Saw IV" was not all that bad after all, but, please-please-please the writer(s) of "Saw V" (an inevitable prospect?), give the script a good rewrite before going into production. Simplicity is the key. I cannot afford to scratch my head through another "Saw" film. I haven't got enough hair.

2007-11-11T19:16:00.000Z

Tedious? Yes. Sure is. Especially when it is me who causes the fight. Let me explain.

Last night I had a plan. Get home from the cinema ("30 Days Of Night", which I will go into in a minute) sometime around 5pm. Chill for half an hour. 5:30pm. Cook for 35 minutes. (10 minutes to heat the oven, 25 minutes to cook the breaded chicken and prepare the salad.) 6:05pm. Eat food. 6:20pm. Chill with Lorraine for 25 minutes. 6:45pm. Disappear upstairs to watch "The X-Factor". (Lorraine has expressed a mighty disinterest in watching it this year, so I go upstairs to watch it on the TV in the front bedroom. Sue me. I like "The X-Factor". I find it entertaining.)

Last night the plan was ruined. Why? Because Lorraine decided to strip all of the beds and wash the sheets.

I explained to Lorraine, between gritted teeth, that if I was going to be going upstairs to watch "The X-Factor", as she insists that it is a piece of shit and would rather watch that other piece of shit called "Robin Hood", I would have to make my bed before doing so, as I refuse to lie on a bed that is unmade. (Yes, I did say 'my bed'. I am still banished to the front bedroom. 11 months now and counting and, No, I didn't think it would go on so long.) I pointed out that if I had to make my bed it would probably take me some time, because I was not yet over the cold (sniffles, breathlessness and generally feeling shit), I would not be able to cook beforehand and so we would be eating later.

I could say there were words, but that would not be correct. It was actually a very quiet evening. The quiet of the post apocalyptic landscape.

I made my bed. I watched "The X-Factor". In the 45 minutes between the main show and the results show I cooked the food and ate the food. (Lorraine picked at it.) I went back upstairs and watched the results show. I went downstairs to find Lorraine watching "High School Musical" (which I have never seen, and the 10 minutes of it that I did see convinced me that I have no wish to ever see it again) despite the fact that earlier we had decided to watch something on the DVD, so I came up here, did a quick (mysterious?) post and went to bed.

I regret it. I could have followed the original plan. There was time to cook. I could have just flung a duvet over my bed and lay on that watching "The X-Factor" and made the bed later, but I didn't want to. I just wanted to argue and make a point. No wonder Lorraine is sick of me. I am pretty sick of myself. I am not a nice person.

********

"30 Days Of Night".

Barrow, Alaska. The most Northerly town in the United States. During the longest night of the year (er... that would be the '30 days of night' of the title) a group of vampires descend on the town, feeding on everyone that they can find. A group of people, led by an young sheriff, fight to survive the onslaught. Will these people make it until daybreak? Ah... Well that is the question. You will have to see the movie to find out, won't you?

Frankly, I think the above setup for a horror movie is absolutely fantastic and brilliant and original (until somebody tells me that it has been done before) and I was really looking forward to seeing it. Plenty of scope for an full blooded "Dawn Of The Dead" battle-for-survival-against-incredible-odds, kind of a movie. It is such a shame that the execution of the idea left so much to be desired.

Yes, the vampires are truly fantastic creations. Evil, gross, vicious, animal like mutations. Danny Huston, as their (Hungarian speaking?) almost philosophical leader, is great and made me shiver every time he appeared onscreen. There is wonderful cinematography, in the latter stages focusing on the white of the snow and the red of the blood, and some brilliant scene construction, showing at a distance the carnage and mayhem on the ground. But, sadly and possibly inevitably, "30 Days Of Night" commits the cardinal sin of any horror movie. When the monsters' are not onscreen, it is really boring and slow.

Maybe it is down to the cast. I don't know. I didn't find them interesting. "Hard Candy" proves that David Slade can direct a pacy, interesting film with a minimal cast, when that cast is good. (That film is practically a two hander throughout.) I must say that even as a longstanding Josh Harnett apologist (I like him, really I do), I felt that his performance this time is particularly vacant and definitely nothing to write home about.

"30 Days Of Night" is not terrible, but it is not what it could have been.

2007-11-10T23:15:00.001Z

We are fighting.

It really is all so fucking tedious.

2007-11-09T22:24:00.000Z

I have been burning CD's for a friend. I have the address to send them to around here somewhere. (Sorry LB.) I also have some CD's to listen to. (Sorry Katy.)

At the moment, that is about it. I intend to get back into this blogging thing properly over the weekend.

Would anybody be interested in why I made the choices that I did with regard to my compilation for Shuffleathon 2007? 'Course you would.

Next time.

2007-11-07T22:06:00.001Z

Better late than never. This is what I thought about "Death At A Funeral" and "The Lookout". (I hesitate to call these burblings, reviews.)

"Death At A Funeral".

"Death At A Funeral" is an old fashioned British farce of dark secrets, misunderstandings, bad taste/poo jokes, and bad behaviour. It features a good cast of familiar British character actors, plus the U.S. actor Alan Tudyk. Everybody is pretty well given equal screen time and something to do, and you would imagine that that they just had a whale of a time on the set, what with all of the running around, the chance to sprout outrageous dialogue with a poker face and, sometimes, the chance to overact wildly. Such a shame, then, that the fun just didn't completely translate onto screen.

You see, the problem with farce is that the construction of the story has to be very carefully thought through, and the pace and timing has to be absolutely spot on, for the farce to work. I didn't think that "Death At A Funeral" was nearly fast, pacy or frenetic enough, and this was with it only being a short movie - 90 minutes. Sometimes it dragged badly.

"Death At A Funeral" is not a disaster. It does have it's moments, mostly involving Alan Tudyk as Daisy Donovan's nervous fiance Simon, and Andy Nyman as the put upon Howard. I thought those two actors performances were really funny. (Need I also say that I thought Daisy Donovan is still incredibly sexy? No, I didn't think so.)

So... "Death At A Funeral" is not bad, but all things being equal, it is not a masterpiece either.

"The Lookout".

Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Chris Pratt (unfortunate last name there, Mr. Frank!), who is a young, good looking guy and the star of his high school hockey team. His life is changed completely when he sustains head injuries in a car crash. Four years later Chris is trying to rebuild his life and work through his physical and mental problems (he has issues with 'chronological sequencing'). Chris works a night time cleaning job in a bank. Chris is noticed by a guy called Gary Spargo, who has plans...

To be honest I thought that "The Lookout" was fairly predictable and didn't really make the most of an enticing setup. But that aside, it is also a fairly entertaining and well put together modern crime thriller.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is really good as Chris Pratt. As much a cypher here as he was in a great film from a couple of years ago called "Brick". A really interesting performance. I had never heard of Matthew Goode, but he is ... Er... good as Gary Spargo. Sadly I didn't really believe Jeff Daniels as Chris Pratt's blind friend Lewis (too many mannerisms, too much the wise old sage, maybe Morgan Freeman was too expensive?) and I thought that the lovely Isla Fisher as the interestingly monickered Luvlee Lemons (she plays a stripper) was completely miscast. Too young (although she is 31 years old, so what do I know?) and too innocent looking.

A good enough film for an evening out, but again, not a masterpiece.

2007-11-05T23:02:00.000Z

I thought that antibiotics are supposed to have no affect on cold and flu germs? If that is the case, how come the second I stopped taking my tablets, I developed a really bad sore throat and the sniffles?

God hates me.

I saw two films at the weekend ("Death At A Funeral" and "The Lookout"). My intention this evening was to write two short reviews of them, but other things took a little longer than expected, so they will have to wait until tomorrow.

The world turns...

2007-11-04T23:17:00.000Z

I am finding it very hard to be bothered. I write about writing about things, which is hardly inspiring at all, now is it?

I know what is happening. I am drifting into a depressive state. It has happened before. Maybe it is is part of the Pynchon family genetic makeup. Some of you know about my Mom's problems in the past and about Sister 2's continuing problems. My Mom told me recently that my Brother is also having problems. She wants me to have a word with him because she thinks that I will make a difference. I doubt it. My Brother told my Mom that lately I don't have anything to do with him. I don't know where he got that from. I love my Brother with all of my heart.

Late last week I asked Lorraine if she wanted to go to bed with me. She said No. I asked when she might want to go to bed with me. She said that she didn't know. Weeks go by now without me asking because I always know the answer and why cause tension by asking? I find it more and more difficult to raise the subject. Or do I find it less and less of a problem?

I watch couples in the street. I watch the hand holding and the laughter and the cuddles and I want to tell them to make the most of it, because it will end sooner or later. Maybe this happens to everybody. Indifferent women and frustrated men. I don't know. Maybe I am an aberration? Maybe I am the one not behaving the way a 44 year old should behave? Maybe I should have known to expect this?

2007-11-04T00:35:00.000Z

Earlier today (actually yesterday, as it is now the early hours of Sunday morning) Lorraine asked to see The Finger. After studying it she said

"You've got to start looking after yourself better."

"As if you care", said yer Pynch dismissively, and then she looked me straight in the face with a real expression of hurt.

Maybe she does care?

2007-11-02T22:45:00.000Z

I have been writing an email (half an email, actually) and it has taken a long time. Comments on

Rubbish collection plans
Heather Mills
The Corporation's party
Radiohead's free album download
"Dumbledore is gay"
The finger

will follow at another time. I also need to get a CD burnt and into the post for a friend.

There is no time to do anything.

2007-11-01T21:31:00.001Z

Chores get in the way of Blogging. Such is life.

Lorraine has decided to lend her cousin some money. Four thousand pounds, to be exact. I have been moving money around Lorraine's bank accounts.

Somehow I failed to notice to sign above our front door that read "Bank Of Lorraine". Then again, it is her money and I don't suppose it has got anything to do with me. I will shut up now.

I have lots of things to write about, but now I am going to watch TV. I feel anxious.

2007-10-31T22:46:00.000Z

I was going to write something else this evening, but instead it will have to be a sad farewell to Paul Fox, guitarist and songwriter with the UK Punk band the Ruts, who died on 21st October 2007 of lung cancer. I only learnt about it today.

The Ruts were one of the second wave of Punk bands that appeared in the wake of the Pistols, the Clash, etc., circa 1978/1979. I always felt that they were a very promising band, sadly undone by the death of singer Malcolm Owen in 1980 of a heroin overdose. The Ruts played music that fused dub reggae and hardcore punk. They only recorded a handful of singles, and one proper album, but when I was 16/17 I thought they were wonderful.

Better obituaries here and here.

Fancy a bit of "Staring At The Rude Boys"? I do.

RIP.

2007-10-30T23:11:00.000Z

Finger. Throb. Red. Blistered. Pynchon notes that his finger could have belonged to Seth Brundle in "The Fly". Pynchon wipes blood and pus from finger. Pynchon bangs finger. "Fuck Me!!! Mutherfucker!!! Bastard!!!" Pynchon rolls around on floor weeping. Pynchon makes gooey eyes at Lorraine so that he can be sent home from work. Lorraine ignores Pynchon. Cow! Pynchon shows finger to all the girls in the office. Girls weep, vomit and fling themselves from first storey windows. Pynchon is hot (and not in a good way) and irritable, but his poo has returned to normal.

It has been a fun day. Unless I actually manage to lose the finger, and if that happens I will purchase an artificial GOLD finger (see what I did there?), I don't think I am going to mention my digit problems again. There are more interesting things to write about. e.g. Some of the reports that have come out of the party The Corporation held on Friday night, and old news like my reaction to the whole "Dumbledore is Gay" thing and Radiohead's decision to allow punters to purchase their new album online for whatever they felt it was worth. I also need to catch up with other blogs.

... But not tonight. I had to renew my Norton anti-virus subscription and it took longer than expected. I am tired and I need to kiss my finger better.

(I thought you said you weren't going to mention it again?)

I lied.

'Night all.

2007-10-29T22:29:00.000Z

Yesterday was a barrel of laughs. At approximately 1pm I was at the City Hospital, Accident and Emergency unit having an evil ~~Torturer~~ Doctor stick a blunt green needle into my right index finger, to extract the pus that had been gathering for a week. You might say that it was an interesting experience. I now realise that I am not a Hollywood tough guy. I screamed, I sweated, I cried, I ground my teeth and cursed God, the Devil and Margaret Thatcher.

It was all my own fault. I should have tried to see a Doctor during last week, but I always find it very difficult to get an appointment. (Body heal thyself, yes?) Since I did the gardening a week ago, I had been increasingly bothered by a tender spot on my right index finger, just below the nail. During the week the, lets call it a boil, got bigger and bigger, more and more painful and eventually turned a Prince-like beautiful shade of purple by Saturday evening. On Sunday morning it had started to turn black and my hand hurt me.

Ah...

I rang the fountain of all wisdom. (My Mom. Lorraine was still in Golders Green.) She ordered me to the hospital. Just as well. The very nice nurse told me that my hand had become infected and scowled at me for waiting so long before seeing somebody. The ~~Torturer~~ Doctor did his thing, I was packed off with a prescription of Flucloxacillin and told to come back if the swelling didn't cease by Wednesday this week.

Frankly I feel like utter shit. My hand is very stiff and I can barely touch type, but that is not the half of it. I don't know if it is the tablets doing it, but last night I was very hot, had flu like symptoms and a chronic headache which has only partially gone away. I have also noticed that my poo is coming out as little bullet like stools, which definitely isn't normal. (Too much information, maybe?)

Such is life. It gave me something to write about, anyway.

********

Better things. The lovely J has posted up her review of my Shuffleathon CD. I think the lady more or less liked it. Nice one.

2007-10-28T09:34:00.000Z

"Eastern Promises".

Flashback to the late 1980's. At that time yer Pynch had very clear ideas as to who he felt were the two most interesting film Directors' in the world.

(Who were they, Pynch? Tell us. We beseech you!)

Ah... Glad you asked. The two most interesting film Directors' in the world, by the end of the 1980's, were David Lynch and David Cronenberg. Early on both were lumped in with the genre of what I would call 'Body Horror'. Both managed to escape that label and have made good, sometimes great, films since. It is interesting comparing how their careers have progressed.

David Lynch has become more and more wilfully obscure and art house ("Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me", "Lost Highway", "Mulholland Drive"), culminating with (the pretty unwatchable actually) "Inland Empire". It is almost as if he had decided to consciously reject the mainstream audience.

David Cronenberg, especially within the last 10 years or so, has turned to making increasingly mainstream films, with a peculiarly Cronenbergian bent. ("eXistenZ", "Spider", "A History Of Violence".) By now he might have been even further along the path of the mainstream if his proposed version of "Basic Instinct: Risk Addiction" had been made. (I read that he quit due to creative differences with star Sharon Stone. She wanted Benjamin Bratt to co-star as the psychiatrist, Cronenberg wanted Bruce Greenwood. Maybe it was all down to who Sharon wanted to knob her in the finished film. Interesting to note that neither actor was in the version that was eventually made.) Cronenberg's latest film is "Eastern Promises".

Sad to say it, "Eastern Promises" is somewhat of a disappointment.

Good performances (Viggo Mortensen, Vincent Cassel and Armin Mueller-Stahl were particularly good), and an astonishingly vicious, brutal and disturbing set piece in a Turkish bath aside, "Eastern Promises" is too slow, too ponderous and, yes it has to be said, too dull. Not at all like a Cronenberg film. Cronenberg's films may sometimes be off centre, but they are never dull. "Eastern Promises" is also nowhere near as good as "A History Of Violence" because I didn't give a damn about any of the characters, and that is a crying shame.

So, onto the next one Mr. Cronenberg. I am still interested in what you are going to do next. I still love you.

2007-10-26T21:49:00.000+01:00

I will be all alone for most of this weekend. Lorraine has gone off to Golders Green to sort out some business with regard to her Aunt's house. Tonight she was supposed to have gone to the ~~merger~~ takeover party that The Corporation is holding, but decided against it at the last minute. I was never going to the party. When it was announced, Lorraine asked me if I would be attending. I told her that they could kiss my ass. I would rather have the money in my pocket than spend the evening socialising with people that I don't like and gorging myself on free food and getting pissed at the free bar. Other people who decided they were not going had excuses for their lack of commitment to the cause. Not me. Ain't I just the hero?

This week, Wednesday I think it was, the management decided that everybody who going to the party could leave at 14:30 to give them time to 'get ready'. That was nice of them. Shame they never said that a couple of weeks ago. They might have had a few more people attending. At 14:30 I stood at the window and watched the people leave. Pigs at the trough.

Bitter? Me?

Ha, ha, ha, ha...

Still, I have had an entertaining evening. Junk food, a double bill of "Scrubs", an episode of "Gangsters" on DVD, paid some bills, surfed the net. I will be watching the "Comedy Showcase" on Channel 4 in a minute and then I will be going to bed. I have a mad amount of things to do tomorrow.

2007-10-25T20:35:00.000+01:00

Pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure. I thought that writing a blog was supposed to be for pleasure, but it seems to be a hell of a lot of hard work, lately. I really shouldn't take it that seriously.

Anyway...

The review of Maximum Bob's CD is done. Here is the review, but first some thoughts.

Maximum Bob's Shuffleathon CD is a definite Thursday night listening experience. Why Thursday night, I hear you asking? Well, Thursday night is the night that Bob Harris does the Country Music show on BBC Radio 2. It is a show that I can often be found listening to, either while doing the cooking or the washing up. Background ambiance. Some of it I like, some of it I don't. I must admit that I rarely listen to the show until the end.

If I had to label the type of music on Maximum Bob's Shuffleathon CD (and labelling music isn't something I have much truck with) I would definitely say that it is a Country CD. Nothing wrong with that, but it occurred to me that Country music as a genre is seriously under subscribed in my CD collection. In fact, at this moment in time, I can think of only two Country albums that I own. They are

"The Best Of Glen Campbell" by Glen Campbell.
"Sweetheart Of The Rodeo" by the Byrds.

Tracks from those two albums sometimes pop up on shuffle on my MP3 player. Sometimes I let them play. Sometimes I don't.

I have had a good listen to Maximum Bob's CD. This is my honest opinion.

Firstly I have to dismiss the stuff that I thought was shite. (Sorry Bob.)

1. "Chasin' Whiskey" by Julie Roberts.
2. "Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)" by Travis Tritt.
7. "No Next Time" by Allison Moorer.
12. "Whiskey And You" by Tim McGraw.

Dreadful Country cliche's from start to end. Cheating wives, cuckolded husbands, loneliness, alcoholism, twangy vocals and lots and lots of steel guitar. Awful. Truly horrible noise from start to end. (I will say, though, that Lorraine liked all of them. I think she said that to piss me off.)

Now for the ones that I would listen to, and have listened to, again. (There's more I liked than didn't, Bob!)

3. "You Can Feel Bad" by Patty Loveless.

It reminds me of something that Shania Twain would have recorded when she was still releasing great singles in the UK circa 1998/1999. A really good pop song and I just love a good pop song.

4. "Break My Heart Tonight" by Reckless Kelly.

Starts off a bit like "Some Might Say" by Oasis (not a bad thing in my book) and is a nice, mid paced, tuneful rocker. It also features the word 'damn' spat out with some venom which I kind of like. Good track.

5. "Settlin'" by Sugarland.

Starts off like "Stand" by R.EM. or is it something by Talking Heads? Not sure. Another mid paced rocker. Great vocals and guitar work.

6. "Nothing" by Dwight Yoakam.

Ah... Now this is really good. Brilliant track. Really brilliant. It reminds me a lot of the kind of thing Roy Orbison, and sometimes Chris Isaak, used to do so well. Soulful, full of emotion, shimmering guitars, understated organ, strings, wonderful backing vocals. Almost an R 'n' B vibe to it. With a slightly different backing track it could even work as a dance track. (Get Mark Ronson on the phone, now.) One of the two truly outstanding tracks on the CD. (A result, Bob!)

8. "I'm Gonna Miss Her" by Brad Paisley.

This song made me laugh. I think that was the whole point. A guy is forced to make a choice. Fishing or his wife. No choice really. He doesn't really sound like he is going to miss his wife, though. I seem to remember a similar song where a guy had to choose between his wife and his horse. The horse won. Obviously.

9. "I Doubt If It Does To You" by Joy Lynn White.

The second really brilliant track on this CD. Outstanding. A descending acoustic guitar riff reminiscent of "Monday" by the Jam, although not really anything like that song. Yearning, emotional , brilliant vocals, with a girl picking over the remnants of a collapsing relationship. I think it is just wonderful. It might be the best track on the CD. I even looked up the singer on the Web. I might buy the album that this comes from. (Another result, Bob.)

10. "You Look Good In My Shirt" by Keith Urban.

(Isn't this guy married to Nicole Kidman? Bastard! I immediately hate him.) I did like this. True it swings perilously close to Southern redneck cliche, but a fun track nevertheless. Keith sounds like he is having a ball and that makes all the difference. They should have stuck it on the "Dukes Of Hazzard" soundtrack. It would have fitted right in.

11. "You And Tequila" by Deana Carter.

Reminds me of the kind of song that made Norah Jones' career. A lovely, sweet song with practically whispered vocals. Really nice, and kind of sexy, in my opinion.

OK, I didn't like a third of the tracks on the CD, but two thirds I did like. I think that is pretty good for any album I listen to these days.